Status: slowly progressing
Paradise Lost
Memories that Never Fade
The first picture in the album was of me, Aron and Jay. We were sitting on the side of a wall that Jay had just tagged and we had our arms around each other and were smiling. Jordan took the picture. That was back before he started going by Charlie. I laughed, realizing that the day that the picture was taken, Jay was stopped by the cops for what else, destruction of public property. Aron and I got off on a warning since we hadn’t spray painted anything. Jay was trying to claim that he hadn’t spray painted it, which might have worked if he hadn’t spray painted J-Dogg across it (who knew that it would later become his stage name?). When the cop checked his ID and saw that it said Jorel Decker, he knew for a fact that it was Jay. He didn’t even try to deny it after that. Instead, he spent a night in jail and promised to never do it again, too bad that nothing could stop him from tagging.
Back then, we were the fearsome four. No one messed with us at high school because they knew that we wouldn’t hesitate to fight and didn’t really care if we got suspended. I used to wish all of the time that Jay and I would be together. How silly I was. Then again, Jorel was different back then. He didn’t have girls falling all over him to have sex. He was a down to earth guy with a huge heart. I knew that the old Jorel was in there somewhere. I would find it again.
I was moving on to the second picture when my phone rang, interrupting my trip down memory lane. I checked my caller ID to see that it was Kurllz calling, and picked it up.
“Hey Matt, what’s cracking?”
“Nothing much going on here. Me and Chels wanted to see how you were. I mean, we are both pretty sure you’re holding up better than Jay. He just made it to Aron’s and is already drinking everything in sight. He’s going to have a hell of a headache tomorrow.” Matt said, laughing slightly.
“I’m ok. Things have been better, but hey, I’m still kicking.”
“That-a-girl, be strong. If you need anything come on over. We’re just hanging around and drinking, you know, the usual.”
“Ok, thanks for the offer but I think I’ll stay home tonight though. Tell your bitch I’ll call her tomorrow and count me in to be over there tomorrow night.”
“K, bye wench.” Matt said, laughing..
“Bye whore.”
I hung up the phone, laughing at the names that Matt and I called each other. None of them were ever flattering. It had started when I first met him while in college. He was hanging around with the guys and they brought him to my apartment one night. It was an instant friendship, but it was based around jokes and insults. I think the first thing that he said to me was “Hey, you’re the bitch the boys always talk about.” I laughed about it and Matt said that was a relief. He was honestly expecting a slap for a moment. From then on, he had become one of my closest friends. I had introduced him to Chelsey before they went on tour last time, and they had hit it off amazing. Before long, Matt was calling me telling me that he was considering asking her out. I told him to go for it, and that I was sure she would say yes. She did, and they had had a happily-ever-after since then. Who knew what the future held, but for now they were going strong.
I continued on through the pictures, stopping at ones that were particularly meaningful to me. The last picture was of Jay and I kissing, holding up a copy of ‘Swan Songs’ right after it had been released. We looked happy, but I knew that at that time, we were already falling apart. They were going to begin touring soon, and we had all been celebrating by going out to clubs around LA. The first club we hit, I watched Jay kiss another girl. It hurt, but I figured it was made out of a drunken mistake. Then, as the week carried on and we continued to party, he continued to grow more and more distant, and I watched him make out with more girls than I could count. He, of course, had a generic answer that he expected to cure all. “Babe, come on, you know that it’s you that I’m coming home too every night, so why should it matter?” It mattered to me. I never once cheated on him, even if it was a kiss, and I expected the same in return. I was naïve though, and let it drop, telling myself that he really did love me, that I was imagining his distance and causing it myself. After talking to Dillon and Johnny, I found out that I wasn’t imagining the distance after all. It truly was there, and I was just choosing to ignore it. When I brought it up to Jay, he told me that I was paranoid and to let it drop. He was becoming defensive. And then he left for tour and I didn’t hear from him at all. I should have ended things then, and saved myself the extra pain. I would see him every time I was with the guys now, and I would re-live every moment we shared in my head when we were together. I had to decide- was I going to be able to accept his friendship or was I going to be forced to cut off ties.
Back then, we were the fearsome four. No one messed with us at high school because they knew that we wouldn’t hesitate to fight and didn’t really care if we got suspended. I used to wish all of the time that Jay and I would be together. How silly I was. Then again, Jorel was different back then. He didn’t have girls falling all over him to have sex. He was a down to earth guy with a huge heart. I knew that the old Jorel was in there somewhere. I would find it again.
I was moving on to the second picture when my phone rang, interrupting my trip down memory lane. I checked my caller ID to see that it was Kurllz calling, and picked it up.
“Hey Matt, what’s cracking?”
“Nothing much going on here. Me and Chels wanted to see how you were. I mean, we are both pretty sure you’re holding up better than Jay. He just made it to Aron’s and is already drinking everything in sight. He’s going to have a hell of a headache tomorrow.” Matt said, laughing slightly.
“I’m ok. Things have been better, but hey, I’m still kicking.”
“That-a-girl, be strong. If you need anything come on over. We’re just hanging around and drinking, you know, the usual.”
“Ok, thanks for the offer but I think I’ll stay home tonight though. Tell your bitch I’ll call her tomorrow and count me in to be over there tomorrow night.”
“K, bye wench.” Matt said, laughing..
“Bye whore.”
I hung up the phone, laughing at the names that Matt and I called each other. None of them were ever flattering. It had started when I first met him while in college. He was hanging around with the guys and they brought him to my apartment one night. It was an instant friendship, but it was based around jokes and insults. I think the first thing that he said to me was “Hey, you’re the bitch the boys always talk about.” I laughed about it and Matt said that was a relief. He was honestly expecting a slap for a moment. From then on, he had become one of my closest friends. I had introduced him to Chelsey before they went on tour last time, and they had hit it off amazing. Before long, Matt was calling me telling me that he was considering asking her out. I told him to go for it, and that I was sure she would say yes. She did, and they had had a happily-ever-after since then. Who knew what the future held, but for now they were going strong.
I continued on through the pictures, stopping at ones that were particularly meaningful to me. The last picture was of Jay and I kissing, holding up a copy of ‘Swan Songs’ right after it had been released. We looked happy, but I knew that at that time, we were already falling apart. They were going to begin touring soon, and we had all been celebrating by going out to clubs around LA. The first club we hit, I watched Jay kiss another girl. It hurt, but I figured it was made out of a drunken mistake. Then, as the week carried on and we continued to party, he continued to grow more and more distant, and I watched him make out with more girls than I could count. He, of course, had a generic answer that he expected to cure all. “Babe, come on, you know that it’s you that I’m coming home too every night, so why should it matter?” It mattered to me. I never once cheated on him, even if it was a kiss, and I expected the same in return. I was naïve though, and let it drop, telling myself that he really did love me, that I was imagining his distance and causing it myself. After talking to Dillon and Johnny, I found out that I wasn’t imagining the distance after all. It truly was there, and I was just choosing to ignore it. When I brought it up to Jay, he told me that I was paranoid and to let it drop. He was becoming defensive. And then he left for tour and I didn’t hear from him at all. I should have ended things then, and saved myself the extra pain. I would see him every time I was with the guys now, and I would re-live every moment we shared in my head when we were together. I had to decide- was I going to be able to accept his friendship or was I going to be forced to cut off ties.