When You're Gone

"This is all your fucking fault, Matthew! I could fucking kill you!" a teary eyed girl screamed as she went to attack a fairly large man, who had a confused look on his face. A pair of tattooed arms came out of nowhere, wrapping their arms around the girl's waist,

"What the hell are you talking about, Raychel?" Matt asked, now questioning why he even came with Zacky over here in the first place. "She's fucking dead, and it's your fucking fault!" she yelled furiously at him while tears fell fiercly down her cheeks.

"Who's dead? What the hell are you talking about?!" he asked, getting slightly nervous at what she justsaid yelled. "Kallie fucking hung herself and it's your fucking fault!" she yelled, causing one to gasp, another with widened eyes.

"Wh-What are you talking about?" Matt stammered, his eyes slowly starting to water. She threw a few pieces of paper at him moments later, then started crying into Zacky's shoulder. Matt swallowed hardly before lifting the papers up and in front of his eyes.

My Dearest Raychel//Triple N,

Me and you have been friends since sixth grade, best friends since eighth. Throughout my whole life, I can't say I've met a better friend than you. You delt with all my bullshit I gave you, and gave me advice when I needed it. You got annoyed with me when I crushed over Jon Marra, the fat faggot fucker, but still listened to me gush about him. I think I would'nt have made it as far in life as I am now if it wasn't for you being there for me.

If you're reading this letter, then you know I've commited suicide, to put it bluntly. Things that are probably running through your head:

1) Why the fuck would you do that?
2) Why the fuck are you leaving me here alone with Sadie?
3) WHO THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO KILL FOR MAKING YOU DO THIS?

Well babe, I did this for myself. I sat around my room last night and thought about what happened last week between Matt and I. I thought about him going on tour, him cheating on me, him fucking that girl in our house, and everything just hit me hard. Matt doesn't know I knew, but I knew the whole time. I never said anything to you Raychel, because I was just hoping, for my sake, that this was an illusion. You know how much I love Matt, and I would do anything for him, but when he finally brought home a groupie, a groupie named Brittany Herritt, into the house we bought together, that's when it hurt. That's when my positive attitude went down in flames. I lost all hope for us, and that's when my sanity level went down. Do I still love him, even after that? Of course I do. Always have and always will, but I can't break up with him and live on this world, everyone is having him except me. And just staying with him would hurt me worse. You may think I overreacted, but I truly think this was my only escape. I feel horrible for leaving you and the rest of the guys, but I felt as if I had to do this. Maybe everyone will be happier, and maybe want to live their lives a little bit fuller now that I'm not around.

Don't blame Matt for me doing this, though, Raychel. I know you. You're going to go balistic after you read this and see him. Pretty much, this world's bullshit is too hard for me to take. When you went off to tour with Avenged Sevenfold, I went completely mental. You're the reason why I lived to see the age 23. The reason why there was always a smile on my face. Don't blame Matt, though. Blame Brittany Herrit, not Matthew Sanders. Yes, he did partake in the sexual activities that they did behind closed doors, but I don't need Matt having a bubble of guilt floating with him for the rest of his life. I want Avenged Sevenfold to become this huge band. They have it in them, just getting there is what they need to do, and with the singer out of whack, the whole band is screwed. You can tell Matt that I will love him forever and ever, but don't ever tell him it was his fault.

It wasn't full his fault.

Hate me, despise me, you can have any emotion towards me right now, but don't be sad. Don't shed any tears from your eyes over me. I'm not worth the tears. Save them for when Zack is on his death bed. He'll need them more than me.

I love you Raychel, and I will always remember the memories we shared. Like Jared being French, Tomo being a homo, Tim being a Klondike Bar, and Shannon being Cowboy Troy. And can't forget the whole 'arrow 3' being too overrated.

Keep me in your thoughts, but don't let me stop you from living your life.

Love,

Kallie//Triple D

Matt's eyes were streaming with tears as Raychel snatched the treasured letter from his hands. "She said I shouldn't, but it's your fucking fault, Matt," she spat before running off into her house. Matt sat down on the ground near him and placed his head in his hands and started to cry. He cried because he was caught in the act, because he had his best friend Raychel hating him, and, most importantly, because Kallie was gone. He thought about why he brought Brittany in the house that night, and continually slapped himself mentally. He wanted to take back everything he did wrong to Kallie and re-live his life, playing back everything. He wanted to take back the nights he slept with groupies and change them to him being lonely. Change the nights at bars, drunk as hell to nights in bars, more sober than the bartender. He wanted to take back everything he did, but knew he couldn't.

Because the one he loved was already gone.