Light

You were sitting in the sofa while other members were talking to each other happily. You looked to the cold floor silently. You were playing with your own fingers like a dummy. Your hair unwillingly covered your face. There was no smile on your face. There was no happiness on your face. There was only a motionless face. There was only a brainless Kim Junsu.

Once again, you ignored the noises around you. You were lonely again. You didn’t even realize that she was there for you. She will always be.

----
Tunnel, tunnel, tunnel.
There was no light.
You walked randomly in the dark.
You ignored everything,
You even ignored a small but bright light right behind you.
----

You stood up and walked to your room lifelessly. There was no one looking at you. Nobody cared, you thought. You opened the door and closed it lightly as you close your eyes.

You were alone again.

----
Dark, shady, dim.
You were in the dark.
Light, glow, luminosity.
You needed light.
A light that could save you.
A light that could keep you happy.
A light that could remains forever.

But you,
You wasted it and disregarded it.
You made her fell down and you couldn’t save her.
Making her fell deeper and deeper…
----

“Junsu-ah…” She called you softly. You looked down and stared at her. You looked how stunning and pure her eyes could be. You looked how pretty and attractive her face could be. You looked to his face, not leaving any spot in her face. Perfect. It was the only the word for her face. You sometimes envy her; on how perfect she was. But you, you didn’t even know what the meaning of love was. How could you saying that you’re envy her so much when you even doesn’t know what love was?
“Junsu-ah, I love you.” She said while smiling sweetly. Three words. Simply, merely, just that. That simply things have made felt something rushed in your heart. But you didn’t know what it was. You ignored it.
“I don’t love anyone.” You said while staring blankly into her eyes. Your lonely stare broke her heart instantly. You felt something happened in your heart again. But once again, you still didn’t know what it was.

“Let me be the first.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Let me try.”
“You wouldn’t be getting what you want.”
“At least I am trying.”
“Leave me alone. I am lonely. I would always be.”
“Let me be your friend.”
“I was in a tunnel.”
“Let me save you.”
“There was no light to see anybody.”
“Then let me be your light.”

You stopped arguing with her and slammed the door right in front her face. You ignored the soft sobs in the other side of the door. You close your eyes.

Loneliness.

Worthless.

Emptiness.

You felt something happened in your heart, again. But still, you didn’t recognize it what it was.

----
1, 2, 3.
The light started to disappear.
4, 5, 6.
You lost the light once again.
7, 8, 9.
You were in the darkness again...
----

You stood in front of the surgery room. You kept taking glances inside the room. She was still there, lying with the doctors around him. She closed her beautiful eyes tightly. You hoped that she would open her eyes once again and gave you a light, the light that you needed the most now. The light that you have wasted before.

----
Light, luminosity, sparkle.
You needed light.
You needed her light now.
You looked behind you.
Now she didn’t stand behind you while smiling at you.
Now she didn’t stand behind you while showing her beautiful eyes.

Because now,
She’s the one who fell into the darkness because of you.
She fell down deeper and deeper.
You showed your hands so she could grab it,
But it was hopeless.
In the darkness she didn’t see your hands.
In the darkness that you gave him.
----

You walked to your bedroom door and opened it once again. You were hoping that she would be there when you opened the door and gave you lights. If she was still here, she will propose you her pure love. If she was still here, she will purpose you her beautiful innocent eyes. If she was still here, she will show you how bright her light to you.

But now it’s worthless.

Because you wasted it.
You ripped it up.
You tear it off.

And now you were standing in the dark,
Watching her fell deeper and deeper.

You felt a crystal liquid found their way to pass your eyes.

And finally,
You realized what the feeling that happened in your heart was.

It was your love.
A love that you have never experience before.
A love that you have never sense before.
A love that you have think of it before.

Tears, pain, sorrow.
You were crying.

Regrets, guilt, faults.
Everything was mixed on your heart

You wasted it.
You worn out everything.
She would never give you light again.
Because now,
She’s the one who needed the light the most.
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