Heart-Shaped Box

Your running slowed until you came to a sudden stop. You can feel the raindrops joining your tears. A roar of thunder was heard. You lowered your head and sighed heavily.

“You want a fucking answer?!” you shouted, your back on him, deciding not to face him. "Fine then! Here's your fucking answer! Nikki is just playing with you! She told me this, hence the reason I punched her. She's just getting your feelings high enough so that you will be hurt even more when she lets you down! And she knows that when I see you hurt, it'll hurt me twice as bad.” you tried your best to keep your voice as clear as possible, just so he won’t know you were crying, but you failed.

There was a long moment of silence. You closed your eyes and breathed heavily, waiting for Gerard to say something.

“And you expect me to believe that bullshit?” he asked, his tone bitter.

You expected the response to be like that so you started off the sidewalk again, it’s the only way you can get away from him, and you want be alone, or all you want is your… your other friend… Frank… the only person who could comfort you right now is Frank. You didn't hear Gerard following you. But, he stopped you another way...

"And, Ahreya, why in the hell would it hurt you if I was hurt?" he called to you.

You stopped. Staring blankly into space, you slowly turned yourself around. He held a stern, cold look on his face. It was one that was demanding an answer from you.

“Why… the hell…?” you spoke softly, but you knew he is near enough to hear you, despite of the noise of the heavy rain. “Why the hell? I wondered too, Gerard… for years I wondered why I care so much for you… but now I know… because maybe why I care so much… maybe why I’m hurt when you are… is because I love you… I love you so fucking much.”

Your heart stopped. Gerard knew now… Gerard already know the secret you have kept for a long time… which, coincidentally, you, Frank, and Mikey have sworn about keeping it a secret among only the three of you a couple of hours a while ago.

You watched as shock replaced the anger on Gerard's face and knew you couldn't face him right now. You turned and ran as fast as you possibly could. You ran blindly, letting your feet take you wherever they wanted to go. The homes that just flew by you as you ran were soon replaced with tall buildings, which were replaced with tombstones after a while longer.

You don’t know what brought you here. You just dropped to your knees in front of a familiar tombstone, crying harder.

You stared at the name carved on the tombstone and you felt a rage of anger as you traced the name of your father with your finger.

“This is your fucking fault.” you decided to let all your hard feelings out on this tombstone. This is how much you hate your father. You have always blamed him. But this time, you think it really is his fucking fault, if not for him Nikki wouldn’t exist.

Then all your horrible childhood memories flooded your mind… you reMembered how the young Nikki convinced her mom to imprison you on a dark room for two nights, how your father ripped off the only picture of your mom you had, everything horrible…

“And then now… this?” you asked yourself as everything that happened the whole day flashed into your mind…

You laid your arms on the tombstone and rested your head on it, not stopping from crying. You remained sobbing like that for only a couple of seconds before…

“Don’t cry…”

You jumped slightly, surprised by the voice from behind you.

Gerard came out from nowhere. You did not hear him following you, you have no idea how he followed you.

“Just go away…” you murmured, crying evident on your voice and still deciding not to face him.

Though you know he won’t leave you... instead he knelt behind you and stroke your wet hair softly.

“Ahreya—“

“Just go away!”

“Ahreya, did you mean what you said back there?” he asked, his tone soft. You can feel his cold and wet hands on your shoulder.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk to you.” you insisted to make him leave, though you’re sure he won’t leave you… just like what you thought of earlier… he won’t leave you… not even for anything.

“Just answer me, Ahreya! I want to know! Did you mean what you said back there?!” Gerard shouted, trying to turn you to face him.

But this time, you’d want to face him. You turned around and looked at him with your weak eyes. You smiled… It was a saddened and weak, yet kind, smile.

“Yes, Gerard… I did.” you said, a weak smile still on your face.

Gerard looked down on the ground. But you suddenly held his face between your hands and made him look up at you.

“And even if you don’t feel the same way about me, if you don’t love me back, I would always feel how I do right now about you.” you wiped the wet hair that covered his face, looked at him for a split second and you did it… you pressed your lips against his, it lasted only for a couple of sweet seconds before you pulled away from him, then you ran off immediately… out into the darkness of the cemetery… out to nowhere…

You were just running for a short while when you felt someone grab you from behind. He spun you roughly, you knew it was Gerard. You were about to go off running again, but his actions were faster than yours. Before you knew what was going on, his lips were pressed hard against yours. The action shocked you so much that you actually gasped. Gerard took his chance and quickly slipped his tongue into your mouth. You stumbled back a bit, taking Gerard with you, and you felt your back pressed against a tree.

You don’t know why, but you went off running again. His actions were faster than you thought and he caught your arm, pulled you roughly, and before you know it his lips were pressed on your lips again. You were in a daze, you don’t know if what’s happening is real… you were in a complete shock. You tried to pull back, you tried to resist the kiss, but as breathless seconds passed… you could feel your resistance breaking… slowly breaking…

Gerard did not break the kiss, and you have to gasp for air sooner. But you didn’t pay much attention. Your hand found its way to the back of Gerard’s head, you pushed him closer to you, and the kiss deepened… it deepened even more as minutes passed… if only this moment could last forever… because this moment felt like heaven.

You’re definitely not used to the feeling so you stumbled sidewards, you kept on stumbling, and you made Gerard stumble a bit too. Then he fell on his back, taking you with him, and you landed on his chest. The both of you pulled away for air.

The rain is falling harder and the both of you were soaking wet. But it didn’t matter, you weren’t in your senses to notice how bad the weather is. You stood and reached a hand to Gerard. And right after he stood, he focused your attention on him as he put your face between his hands and kissed you on the forehead, and then on the cheeks.

He looked at you straight into your eyes. Then he held your hand with his one hand, and his other hand reached into his pocket. What he withdrew from his pocket was the trinkets she bought for Nikki. He put it to your hand lifted your chin to have your attention fully-focused on him.

“I’m not gonna need this anymore… please toss it as far as you could for me…” he asked.

You looked at him and searched his eyes for an explanation. He seemed to get the look on your eyes then he spoke…

“I’m gonna break up with Nikki tomorrow…” he said with sincerity evident on his voice.

“I… I don’t know what to say…” you looked down on the ground and smiled weakly. Gerard chuckled.

“This… is… the… best day of my life Ahreya…” he muttered. You looked at him and pressed your lips on his quickly, then you chucked Nikki’s trinkets as far as you could.

“Let’s… go home?” you asked him upon hearing a roar of thunder.

“Yes… but wait…” he bit his lip. You thought there was something wrong, but he smiled before he spoke. “I had no idea you felt that way…”

You smiled.

”I mean… people always tease us about going-out someday… but we always took it as a joke… so I never thought you’d feel that way about me… because… I feel the exact same way… and I love you much more than I do for anybody else…”

You moved closer and you hugged him. He hugged you more closely. Then you whispered, “If now I wake up and find that everything is just a dream… I won’t know what to do…”

“Nope. This isn’t a dream, it’s real… anyway, happy birthday again… I’m sorry for causing you pain on your birthday…”

“No, Gerard… you made my birthday so fucking… special…”

xxx

You and Gerard stopped as the both of you reached your front porch.

“So… here’s your house… I’m gonna leave now…”

“Wait, won’t you come inside? You’re soaking wet, and it’s still raining, if you walk to your house now, I’ll bet you’ll be awfully sick tomorrow…” you said.

“Yeah I guess you have a point,” he smiled. “But my parents are gonna be fucking worried…”

“You can use our phone to call your parents… we won’t charge you…” you winked.

“Yeah? Haha, alright then…” Gerard laughed.

xxx

Silence… you heard nothing but silence as you stood in the middle of a very familiar cemetery… you took a couple of steps backward and you looked down on the grave in front of you.

You screamed as you read your own name carved on the tombstone.

“Shit!” you stumbled backwards and tried to stand up again as fast as you could. The cemetery was deserted, nobody is there except you.

Just a couple of feet away, you saw Gerard’s car, you ran to it and searched for Gerard. You found nothing. Surprisingly, you heard something from your pocket, you reached into it and you found Gerard’s car keys. You quickly opened the door and got into the driver’s seat.

But before you started the car you looked up at the mirror above you… and instead of seeing your own reflection… you saw Gerard… What the hell is happening?!