Heart-Shaped Box

“BITCH!!!” you cried. You woke up with a shriek not because of your weird nightmare but because someone flipped the couch upside down while you were sleeping on it. Your back landed on the cold ground and the heavy couch fell on top of you, good thing you have speedy reflexes and you were able to stop it from falling directly on your face.

“OH! SHIT I’M SO SORRY!” an apologetic Mikey pushed the couch away and looked at you. “You were screaming and I had to wake you up, I guess I just got too scared of your scream and umm… flipped the couch… to wake you.”

With your back and shoulders aching and your vision still blurry, you looked at Mikey for a while before doing anything. You thought he sounded really apologetic… and you knew he did the right thing— well not for flipping the couch and bringing you to the ground— but for waking you up. You could feel pain on your throat and it made you think you were screaming all throughout the nightmare.

As soon as your vision cleared, you pushed yourself from the ground and shook your head on Mikey, trying to tell him what he did was alright. Then you fixed the couch back on its place, sat on it, sighed heavily, and placed your hand on your forehead.

“What’s the matter?” Mikey asked as he sat beside you.

“Nothing… really… just a fucking… nightmare… I guess.” you sighed.

“It must have been really awful…” a frown on his face appeared.

You decided not to think about the nightmare, it doesn’t scare you now that you’re awake, but you’re rather frustrated. You turned to look around you and found out that it was really dark and quiet… and while silently scanning the place… questions arose… when did you fall asleep? Where’s Gerard? Or… wait… was everything just a nightmare…? Was everything just subconscious images?

Your heart started beating really fast as the most terrible question came into your mind… Was everything that happened to me and Gerard on the night of my birthday… just a dream?!

“Fuck!” you gasped as you turned to face Mikey. His facial expression held a look of confusion and worry…

“Mikey, where’s Gerard?” you asked. You’re scared on what you might find out. If everything was just a dream… you wouldn’t know what to do… you wouldn’t know what to do if you found out that Gerard is still going out with Nikki… it’s just terrible.

He looked at you before he answered.

“He’s in the shower, changing his clothes, he said the both of you arrived, both soaking wet.” and upon hearing his Word to change tos, you felt a chill of relief run up and down on your spine.

“Yeah?” you smiled. Now you reMember, as soon as you finished changing your clothes, you laid on the couch and fell asleep immediately.

“When I arrived to fetch you guys, you were still upstairs… changing your clothes, so I went to my brother and asked him what happened, that’s when I heard you going down the stairs, but we just continued talking for a couple of minutes then after that… he went inside the shower. I was just scanning your fridge when I heard you screaming from the living room.”

You sighed again. ‘Two fucking nightmares for this day… and a total of three nightmares for this week... damnit, could this get any worse?’ you thought.

Three nightmares… and if the nightmare about Gerard dying was already your “second” nightmare… what was the first one?

ReMember how fucking weird you felt when you became aware of Gerard’s presence a couple of minutes before your birthday? ReMember when you already assumed you’d be upset about his surprise even when you still have no idea about it?

You started recalling your first nightmare… the worst nightmare you had… the nightmare that welcomed you to your entire dreadful week and made you realize something odd and daunting …

Just last Monday… when you let yourself close your eyes for a while on English time… you ended up being shaken by a lot of concerned classmates and you woke up with your nose bleeding really badly…

You have dreamed about your seventeenth birthday… in your dream you were just sitting with Gerard on the bed in your room… in complete silence… he said he was gonna tell you something… you actually became excited about it… then as he whispered Word to change tos that you can’t make out… he withdrew a gun from his pocket and shot you… everything felt real… the way he whispered to your ear, the pain of the bullet ripping through your chest… and as you died slowly and painfully… he embraced you tightly. His embrace was what seemed very real the most and somehow it gave you hope even during your dying state… and almost very strangely when you woke up… there was a voice that told you it was going to happen… that in some way… a bullet will have to rip through your chest and also… in some way… Gerard would have to take away the pain he caused you with a hug.

It did fucking happen… the bullet was his Word to change tos when he told you about him and Nikki going out… and the hug… obviously… is just what happened almost an hour ago…

So now you’re starting to have a bad feeling on your two nightmares that have followed the first one…

None of the two seemed very real though… but it really scares you…

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard the rest room door open and close. A cheerful Gerard went out as he dries his hair with a red towel.

“How can you be cheerful?” Mikey asked in a serious tone.

“Huh?” Gerard asked, sounding a bit confused. “Uh… oh yeah… I heard screaming… what was that about?”

You knew Mikey would reply truthfully for he was so serious. You knew you had to stop him one way or another so you answered untruthfully immediately before Mikey could say anything.

“Mikey scared me as I was sitting on the couch, he leaped from behind me and I got to scared that I fell, I pulled him with me, and ended up making the couch turn upside down and land on us.” you said in such speed that, after you have finished, Gerard looked at you with dropped jaw and eyes wide.

Mikey gave you a ‘what-the-hell?!’ look and you replied to him with a ‘just-ride-on-with-my-little-white-lie’ look. He rolled his eyes as he started to make a fake laugh.

“Oh alright. I thought something went wrong.” he grinned. “Anyway,” he started… “I’m gonna go fix my things first.”

“Alright.” you smiled to Gerard and he smiled back. You bet you have melted inside (me: umm positively ‘melted’) when he smiled… with his hair wet and messy, his black shirt too big for him, and his being cheerful despite the evident sleepiness… you never thought a guy could be so damn beautiful… and now he’s yours, though it haven’t sank into you yet…

As he went upstairs, you talked more with Mikey.

“Where did everybody go? Mom isn’t here also…?” you asked.

“Well, we were fucking worried but Frank assured us that you and Gerard are gonna be alright, despite the fact that you punched his girlfriend and went off… and considering the angry expression on Gerard’s face… we thought nothing could get any worse than what’s going to happen next. But here’s this kiddo who told us not to worry for he knew everything would turn to be more than perfect for both you and Gerard.” Mikey explained with sheer amazement in his eyes. “I don’t know how he came up with that optimistic approach on the situation… but I also don’t know what made us just follow his Word to change tos and hop on to Matt’s truck and drive by Ray’s house to talk to his amazing brothers for a while. We believed all too quickly I guess… but everything did turn out to be more than perfect, didn’t it?”

“You just left like that?! What if Frank’s Word to change tos—?” you started but Mikey cut you off.

“Frank may just be a kid, just like how we usually consider him… but really… he always knew everything… it’s very unusual… he always knew and he’s always right.” he insisted, astonishment still on his eyes.

’Damn me… like yeah…’ you thought. You can’t believe how smart that kid was (me: maybe not in terms of school grades but… you know what I mean). ‘Is he a paranormal or something? How could he know… everything?!’

The same amazement that you saw on Mikey’s eyes were now on yours too… damn that kid…

“How about Nikki and her friends? My mom?” you changed the topic, you don’t want to talk about anything related with paranormal, psychic and so on… after all this nightmares you’re having… you don’t want to be on the topic that’s somewhat beyond reality.

“Your mom… went with us to the Toro’s house and she said she’d stay there with Frank, Ray and Matt for a while as I pick you and Gerard up.” he said. You were surprised though, your jaw actually dropped, but you reMembered how your mom always told you to ‘Stay close with the Way brothers’ ‘Just go, you’re with Gerard anyway, you’re gonna be fine’ so you assumed that she believed Frank’s Word to change tos too, that everything between you and Gerard will end up fine.

“Nikki and her friends?”

“I don’t know about those fuckers. Matt and Ray tried to approach them to tell them we could give them a ride home—”

“WHAT?!”

“Ahreya… it was a joke… do you think we’re really gonna do it? We knew they’d refuse anyway, but it would be hell lot funnier if they agreed to ride with us.”

You laughed and motioned for Mikey to continue.

“I think they got pissed off but they thought Gerard’s gonna beat the hell out of you… so they just left with all of them crying in joy on how lucky Nikki is to have someone like Gerard to fight for her…” (me: yay isn’t Nikki and her friends so damn annoying?! Haha =P)

“Bullshit!” you laughed harder.

“Yeah I know... really… all of them were crying suddenly… Matt and Frank laughed upon seeing the girls exit the door, causing a big pink hairbrush to be thrown at the two guys. But that didn’t help, it just made Matt and Frank laugh harder.” Mikey laughed with you. “But really…” he continued, changing his mood. “I was worried sick… I mean… I noticed how everything wasn’t working out on your birthday—“

“Awww!” you pulled Mikey into a tight hug when…

“I really thought you were gonna beat the hell out of my brother!”

“DAMN YOU!” you laughed as you suddenly pushed the skinny Mikey away from you.

“Hey I was just kidding!” he laughed as he ‘re-hugged’ you. “But… you know what… I’ve never seen my brother as cheerful and happy as he was a while ago… never…” he smiled at you sincerely.

You fell silent and smiled back. After a moment, you broke the silence… “I will always do everything just to make him feel like he’s the happiest person on Earth… I mean… I sound lame but… seriously… just seeing him smile and knowing that I am the reason of his smile… it’s priceless… it’s worth dying for.” you whispered.

“Ahreya… I know and I’m pretty sure Gerard feels the same way towards you.” he whispered back and you smiled to yourself.

xxx

After Gerard had finished fixing his things, all of you went out and saw that Mikey borrowed Matt’s truck to fetch you. You jumped in and Mikey drove you to the Toro’s house. Having all the people intrigued, though they have no idea about what happened, you and Gerard tried in vain to change the topic but ended up making stories and definitely annoying these people, until they finally gave up but sworn they would literally kill the both of you if you don’t tell them really soon.

There you ate dinner which your mom and Ray’s mom prepared, played a lot of video games, and everything fun to do around. You swear it’s the most enjoyable place you’ve been to.

And as the clocked ticked 10PM, all of you decided to finally go home and sleep. Gerard kissed you goodbye and Mikey hugged you. The others just waved. Thank goodness the rain has stopped falling and you were off, walking with your mom to your house. You talked with each other and had fun walking actually.

Your mom was pretty tired and so were you too. So upon arriving home, you pretended to go to your room, lock it and you just laid there… wide awake.

You still haven’t forgotten about the couple of nightmares you had, especially the one that came true in such an unusual way.

You thought about a lot of things… a lot had happened since the last time you laid yourself to bed… the day seemed like forever…

You’re in a “thinking mood” and definitely not in a “sleeping mood”, you promised yourself you’re not going let yourself have anymore nightmares… and the best way to make sure of that, you thought, is to keep yourself from sleeping… even, at least, just tonight.

xxx

It’s getting a bit brighter outside… you noticed… and you also noticed how heavy your head felt.

“Damn, I think I’m gonna be fucking sick! Being soaked in the rain and all that, no sleep, and all stressed out!” you shrugged as you jumped out of your bed and clutched your hand on your forehead. You stood up and wore your slippers…

’It’s 5am.’ you thought, though you’re just guessing. You flung the door open and went out immediately, you went for the stairs and outside the front door.

You’re going somewhere… you thought of going somewhere while you laid wide awake all night…

You let your feet take you all the way to that place… absent-mindedly, at first, you took small but rapid steps… which grew into a really fast sprint… then you reached it.

You looked around the familiar sight of tombstones and growing grass. You were searching for something… the corner… the space where you have seen the tombstone which has your name on it on your dream… you turned the corner and headed for the huge tree a couple of feet away from you.

You circled the tree with intense eyes, studying the space around very carefully until you stopped and saw the exact same place where you saw the tombstone on your dream.

The space was… as you did not expect it to be… unoccupied… you don’t know what to feel that time, whether you should feel relief… or worry… you don’t know. You just stared there… confused…

“Can I help you?”

You jumped slightly as you were knocked back to your senses. You turned around and saw an old man, his two hands holding a long rake. You sighed and were still being hesitant… but still you convinced yourself that you have to ask the man… maybe he could help… Help?! In what way could he possibly help? Damnit, you don’t know either… anyway, you won’t lose anything to try and ask… but what the hell kind of a question are you gonna ask him?

“Is… well.. umm… is this space going to be occupied… soon?” you asked. ’What a fucking stupid what-the-hell question’ you thought. Though… as you looked at the man… he seemed to have an answer to your question.

He looked at you before he spoke…

“It will be occupied… really soon… why?” he asked.

“Nothing… I… am just asking…”

“Alright then.” he started to leave but you stopped him for a while.

“Wait! Is… the person gonna be… a male or a… female?” you asked in a soft tone, your eyes focused on the unoccupied space in front of you. ’Another stupid and useless question, Ahreya…’ you thought to yourself. Fuck… it really seems like your mouth has a mind of its own…

“Nobody knows, I guess… well, girl or boy… it’s still a decision to make.”

You gasped hard as you felt your heart stop on his Word to change tos… why? You don’t know. It sort of… hit you… you stared at the frowning man who started to walk away…

Then suddenly you felt your head throbbing with pain, you clutched at it harder and broke into a sprint again… you want to get out of this place… you wanted to reach your home immediately… you weren’t feeling well…

After a couple of painful minutes running, you finally reached the front porch of your house and got in immediately, the first place where you went was to the bathroom on the second floor.

You threw up almost everything you ate last night, you then made the cover of the toilet fall to its place so that you could sit on it. You just remained sitting there for as long as… only God knows…