Silent whisper

I laid on my side listening as the rain kept drumming against the window. After everything that had happened today, starting with my mother yelling at me in the morning, to ending with Rosie completely ditching me after everything I had done for that girl, it was relaxing to close your eyes from the world, and let the rain drown the sound of my cry.
As I pulled the pillow thighter over my face, I tried to figure wheter there was any idea for me to return back to school again. I knew from this day on, things would go from bad to worse. But in the end, this wasn't much about school. No, it was more about my mentally ill mother. Lately she had only gotten worse. She could wake up in the middle of the night screaming, her hallucinations came more often than they used to, and lately she had started fearing them. I couldn't take another risk, and leave her alone at home. It would've been different if my dad had still been in the picture. Then I wouldn't have needed to worry about where I would run if something went wrong. If I became orphaned, I knew they would take me away, and drop me off at the orphanage.
I groaned and pushed myself up against my will, and padded out to mom's bedroom.
I leaned against the doorway, just to stop and stare for a while. The room was cool, and there was such a heavy energy to the room, it felt like it would push you down to the floor. And there in the bed at the other end of the room, mom laid curled together with her face turned towards the window. It seemed like she had been hallucinating again. I felt sad for her. I remembered the times she would gladly take me shopping, or sit down and talk about boys with me, or most of all, just be mom. Now she seldom even knew about my whereabouts. It was like she lived in her own little world these days. She saw people who weren't there. She got upset about the simplest things. And she had completely stopped caring for me. Now I was the one taking care of everybody.
I wiped away a tear and knocked on the door.
"Who's there?" she shouted, and jumped before she turned around.
"Don't worry mom. It's Casey. Everything's alright" I said calmly, and tried to bring out a smile through my tears.
"I thought you were the man who-"
"Mom" I mumbled hiding my face in my hands. "The door has been locked all the time. There's no chance anyone could've gotten in. They don't exist, okay? I know it's scary, but it's nothing to worry about" I said trying to remain calm, but I knew my concern was easily seen through my eyes.
I had never been so worried as when she started hallucinating. Soon after that she would have a panick attack. Usually it came in the shape of crying, sometimes she yelled at me, and when her physical condition used to be better she used to chase me around the house until she finally caught me, and hit me or pulled my hair. I can't say I was happy about that she had got worse, physically, but I was glad I hadn't had to experience one of her violent attacks in at least over a year now.
"There was a man who told me to-"
"I don't want to hear. I just beg you not to ever take their advice!" I cried. It was always the same story. They asked her to follow them, and usually the way out led through the window, or some other reckless way. I feared for her life everytime I left her alone, but what could I do. For her own good I had hidden anything that could be dangerous for her, sealed all the windows carefully, Some of you might still wonder why she didn't stay at the clinic. Well, she was the only one in my family who was left, and if she was at the clinic I would've been taken away since I was underage. Maybe it was selfish of me to keep her like this, like a prisoner or something, but what would you have done?
"He wanted me to follow him out the window, but I couldn't open it. So he left" she said talking like a five year old who was just in the middle of an interesting story.
I turned my face away to guffaw at her stupidness, and wiped another tear.
"Stupid" I mumbled for myself. Of course he left. He was only in her imagination. She was sick. We had talked about this with the doctor quite alot of times. He always said these could be her biggest wishes.
"Don't you think your mother suffers too? She dreams of a heaven where she can run and be like everyone else" is what he always said. It broke my heart to think about it, but my mom actually wanted to die.
I heard her fall back onto her bed, and curled back together. It was hard to hear anything but the rain, but the way her thorax moved nimbly up and down, she had started crying again. Great. Now she would cry for the rest of the night, and stop sometimes before dawn. However I liked that better than when she yelled at me.
I rushed over to her side, and stroke my hand over her back. Her t-shirt was damp, and I could tell she had been really frightened this time. Just to set things straight. These people had nothing to do with my investigations. My mother was in a car accident two years ago, and got a serious damage on her brain.
She sobbed into her pillow, and I leaned over her to kiss her messy head.
"It's okay mommy. He'll never return. I promise" I said and put my cool hand at her shoulder.
She suddenly moved and let out another hysterical sob.
"Good. Let everything out. You'll be just fine" I said stroking her hair.
I laid down at the other half of the bed, and stayed with her for the rest of the night. You couldn't say I managed to get any sleep, as she never stopped crying, just like I believed she wouldn't. The rain slowly stopped outside, and was replaced entirely by her sobbing and childish cry.
What happened to my mother was sad in several ways, but most of all, you could say I had lost the life of a teenager, and been forced to take on the mother role at the age of 16. I had become the mother of my own mother.