Fly Me Away

Pip and I were sitting at our lunch table, silently consuming our food. I could see her out of the corner of my eye, watching me warily. I had said barely anything to Pip all day; I couldn’t blame her for being a bit curious.

The answer to the question I knew she was dying to ask was that there was nothing wrong with me. I was just extremely distracted. So much so, that I couldn’t think of anything but Jackson. That dream I had was so vivid, I could remember every minor detail. I ran over everything he said and how he said it continuously.

“Okay Maggie, I can’t hold back anymore,” Pip slammed her ham sandwich onto the table, “what’s up? You’re super insanely quiet. I’m just too dang curious.”

I had been expecting that outburst, yet I blinked at her, trying my hardest to focus. I thought it best that I didn’t tell her about my dream; this would only lead to a bombardment of infinite questions, all of which I would have no interest in answering.

“I’m just tired,” I brushed her off, pushing a piece of lettuce around its container with my fork. Very convincing Maggie.

“You know you can tell me anything right?” she pushed.

“I know.”

She must have thought I was depressed or something. To tell the truth, I wasn’t entirely sure what I was feeling. I should have just stopped thinking about the dream and trudged through my day like a normal person; it was only a dream after all. Dreams don’t mean a whole lot. I guess it was just the fact that it had so much potential to become a nightmare (I had a horrific fear of tornado's) and he saved me. He morphed it into something beautiful and exciting. Well, at least I thought he did. I didn’t really know. I probably shouldn’t have given him so much credit; it was my brain that actually put him in the dream...

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, frustrated by my constant head rambling. Pip didn’t miss this gesture and the questioning glances continued throughout the day.

Mom was watching me as I loitered around the house, but I guess she had her reasons too. My sleep habits had turning into something shocking and there had to be some reason why. I had been a sound sleeper my whole life. I never even wet the bed. But something must have changed, it simply wasn’t normal for someone who barely ever dreamed to start busting out big night terror episodes all of a sudden. Mom was on the prowl for answers.

She managed to slip a few subtle questions into dinner time conversation that night, but nothing too major. She only asked if I woke up in time for school, then how I was feeling, which progressed to ‘are you tired?’ and ‘how did you sleep last night?’. I gave her unsatisfying one word answers, before slipping my dishes into the washer and heading up to my room.

I didn’t even remember getting there before I was out like a light.

-----

I woke so suddenly that I thought I was going to be sick. My stomach lurched up in my throat and my heart pounded violently against my rib cage. I resisted the overpowering urge to scream.

My eyes were drawn immediately to my balcony window. The curtains were wide open, but all I could see was darkness. I searched my bedside quickly for the time, but was very surprised to find that I wasn’t in bed at all.

I was on the floor.

My back ached and I felt like I had been hit in the head, but my eyes quickly shifted back to the balcony window. The reason behind this was beyond me; I could see nothing whatsoever. No moon, no stars, no light at all – just black. It must have been late.

I shut my eyes tightly and pulled my knees close to my chest. I was still in my clothes from yesterday and I ignored the pain of my jeans cutting into my stomach. I felt dazed and sick; I had no idea what was going on. I couldn’t remember the few moments before I fell asleep, no matter how hard I tried.

After a long minute of recuperation, I stiffly unfolded myself and made a move to crawl a few meters to my bed. My pajama bottoms were sitting neatly on my pillow and I reached for them. As I stood to unbutton the most uncomfortable jeans I had ever worn, my eyes were drawn to the digital clock beside my bed. My heart jolted when I saw the four flashing zero’s on the face of it. My clock had been reset. I froze. The urge to scream was back. I wasn’t sure why something so trivial had scared me so much, but it did.

Then another type of fear seeped up through my stomach and settled into my throat. I half sat on the bed, my eyes frozen on the flashing clock, with the horrific feeling that somebody was watching me.

Somebody very close by.

I was almost positive that if I turned to look at my balcony, I would see the culprit; so I froze. Not a single part of be budged, apart from my trembling hands. My heart sounded so loud and violent in my ears that I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t think straight at all. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I was being silly, or there was really someone there....

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look. I knew I would just scream and wake Mom, even if it was nothing. Mom was being so good about my sleep problems; I didn’t want to bother her every night. I wanted to just snuggle up in bed and pretend to be asleep, then wait for the feeling to subside.

I edged my pajama pants slightly closer to me, only to freeze back up again. I heard a noise coming from outside. It sounded like a loud thud out in the garden. My hand flew up to cover my mouth – I was going to be sick. I shut my eyes tightly and a single tear that I didn’t know was forming slipping down onto my nose.

“Maggie, it’s me.”

That voice.

I thought I was having a heart attack. It felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. I made a strangled gasping sound and my other hand also flew across my mouth. I recognized the voice, but what was it doing there, in my head.

“Keep your eyes closed.”

The stomach acid was burning up my esophagus and it threatened to spill out the top. What was going on; was Jackson there in the room with me? It didn’t sound like it. It was definitely all in my head.

I needed to check. I loosened the vice grip squeeze on my eyes ever so slightly.

“No Maggie! You must do as I say!”

I squeezed them shut again, several tears shamelessly rolled down my face and over my hands. I was beyond scared; my body was turning to jelly.

“...I’m sorry.”

I heard a retired sigh from the back of my mind.

“Don’t be alarmed, you are going to be okay now. This is only dream.”

Only a dream...

“Just listen to my voice and that feeling will go away. There is nobody watching you. Take a few minutes to relax, if you can. Open your eyes when you are ready.”

Just like I had previously, I obeyed. The feeling did go away, but it was much harder to relax then the voice in my head made it sound. I used up a good 10 minutes simply sitting there trying to clear my mind and convince myself that I really was dreaming. Eventually, my heart rate started to slow and the tears dried up. There was an odd calmness in the air now. It was easier to make sense of things. After a moment I decided that I was sick; the stomach acid wasn’t draining from my throat and I still needed to throw up. Another valid point was that I was delusional. Logic told me I should just take off my jeans and get under the covers.

I dropped my hands onto the bed in front of me. My eyes were only softly shut now, but shut none the less. I opened them and waited until they adjusted to the dark room. I was calm now. I turned to the balcony – there was no one there. I could squint just hard enough to see the outline of dark rain clouds in the sky. I looked back down at my alarm clock, which was still flashing, but I magically thought of another logical reason – power cut. It did look stormy outside.

I slipped into bed and pulled my jeans idly off with my feet, and then fell into a deep thoughtless sleep.