Why Won't You Fall Into My Arms?

“Honey I’m home!” Jack called as he opened the large wooden door dramatically, revealing the clean space which would soon be buried under our muddy footprints.

I didn’t have time to waste on Jack or my feelings, so I just pushed past his lingering figure. Heavy bags weighed me down and there was fresh rain collected along my clothes. The sooner I could change, shake myself properly, the better.

Jack followed to the kitchen where we loaded the food into the fridge. It was a silent operation and one which I was glad for. The less Jack wound me up the further away I was from diving over the edge again. I was tired of the anger and the fighting.

I threw out the suspicious remnants left in his fridge and replaced them with the things we’d taken. I hadn’t noticed in the supermarket but most of the food was overwhelmingly unhealthy. I was suddenly glad for the few pieces of fruit I had managed to slip into the trolley when Jack’s back was turned.

Standing from the fridge, I took the collection of fruit and arranged it carefully on the side. His kitchen was beautiful; I didn’t want to destroy that. It was bad enough that I was living in his parents’ house without their permission; I would not ruin it while I was at it.

“Sweetheart,” Jack’s arms unexpectedly wrapped around my waist, his taught body suddenly pressed to my back. I froze with one hand still clasping an apple. “You make a very attractive housewife.”

Elbowing him in the stomach, I placed the apple in the collection and examined my fruit tower with pride. His body stumbled away from mine but he was still far too close.

“It’s a good thing we’re not married then, isn’t it?”

“Why’s that?” his eyes didn’t move from my legs. “I wouldn’t mind some of the perks that I’d get.”

“You’re a pig,” I said dully “and I expect more from a husband than you. It’s a good thing we’re not married because you can’t call me an ‘attractive housewife’ that way.”

“Oh baby I don’t think you could possibly get any more attractive than you already are,” he smirked and placed an arm by my head with it resting on a cabinet. He licked his lips slowly just so that my eyes would be drawn to them. And Jack leant closer to me, giving me an even better view of how kissable his lips really were. My head swam for a few seconds before his words registered in my brain.

A competition.

“I may just have to prove you otherwise,” I murmured softly and bit my lower lip to draw his own eyes there. Just for a little revenge, of course.

I swayed even closer to him and let a hand trail slowly down his chest. Jack’s breath hitched as my fingertips danced along the rim of his belt. Feeling empowered by his reaction, I dared to go slightly lower until Jack hand caught my own, his body rim-rod straight and tense.

“Do you really want to go there Soph?” he whispered into my ear.

I met his eyes, swallowing a sudden lump in my throat. This was dangerous but I still wanted to prove him wrong. Even if it was just for my bruised ego. Or to prolong the euphoric feeling of being in control of the one boy who was always somehow in control.

It was almost as if I didn’t want to stop.

Jack was dragging my hand back down to where it had been when I finally regained control of my mind. Enough was enough. I ducked out from his incoming kiss and wiggled free of his grasp which only made him groan loudly. In alarm, I glanced down to where my hand was still dangling too near his crotch and realised the movement probably wasn’t the best idea. Moaning loudly again, Jack scooped me up into his arms and started for the stairs at a desperate pace.

“Put me down Jack,” I laughed as I bobbed around with his speed “I was only messing with you.”

“No thanks,” he breathed heavily while bolting up the stairs.

“Jack!” I turned my dangerous eyes onto him.

“I’m too turned on right now Sophia.”

“Jack!”

We had made it to his bedroom when Jack finally decided to heed my warning. I watched his indecision, as he weighed up the pros and cons of what he was about to do, they shifted one-by-one across his face. He wanted to just throw me onto his bed but he knew that he would come out worse for it.

“Jack, if you put me down now then I’ll overlook this whole lapse in your judgement,” I proposed in a voice I hoped didn’t convey my desperation.

That signature smirk spread across his face as an idea popped into his perverted mind.

“I’d rather have a kiss.”

I spluttered with the nerve of him, didn’t he know that I had never even kissed a boy before? Why would I discard it in such a crude, unromantic way to Jack Adams?

“Just one kiss and you’ll walk away from this totally dressed.”

“On second thought,” I moved slightly in his arms and elbowed his crotch area. He yelped out in pain and surprise before dropping me onto the bed.

I bounced neatly onto the mattress and was sat up, alert, before Jack had recovered. I knew that he wouldn’t let me escape from that so easily, and that I was more than ready to take him on. With a smirk on my face, I raised onto my knees to take up a fighting stance.

Jack chuckled at me but his laughter was stilted. I could tell by the way he was half stooped that I had done more damage than I had intended. I hated that I felt bad for that.

“You’re going to pay for the sweetheart,” his voice was hoarse but still dangerous. Shivers ran their way down my spine.

He moved forwards and I moved backwards, each of us mirroring the other, our eyes trained on our bodies. I slipped off the end of the bed just as he lunged, landing on the mattress clumsily. I couldn’t help but laugh at his long limbs sprawled so awkwardly on the double bed.

“Oh, you think that’s funny?” he growled and before I could react, his arms had reached out to catch my waist. I was hauled off of the ground and beside him in a matter of seconds.

“Oh please,” I groaned when I saw the mischief in his eyes “not again.”

He grinned proudly and I knew instantly that not even begging would work now.

“You should have known better sweetheart,” he leered closer “you’ll never win against me.”

“No!” I cried, trying to roll myself over off of the bed. His hands were already on me though; keeping me trapped against him. And then those hands moved themselves so the horrible uncontrollable laughter had me fit to bursting.

If there was one thing I hated about myself above all else, it was how ticklish I was. And how Jack Adams knew all about this weakness.

“Stop,” I choked out, riling around against him to no avail.

After a few more painful minutes of this his hands slowly stopped. I kept my eyes closed as the last racking laughs died off, not daring to open them to see the triumph all over his smug face.

“That was cruel,” I murmured, feeling the tightness in my stomach.

When he didn’t reply I pried my eyes to be met with Jack’s intense blue orbs, all smug looks missing. Even though I had felt his warm breath covet my face, it was still a shock to see how close we were. His face lay on the mattress just inches from mine. Strong arms crossed over my back so if a stranger was to look upon the scene they’d have no idea that this had suddenly become a hostage situation.

Instantly, I knew what was running through his mind, it was all too clear in those eyes of his. I tried my upmost best to shove him away only to realise that with his arms wrapping me so tightly into him there was no way I was moving anywhere.

I narrowed my eyes dangerously at him but there was no menace in him. Not one sign of a perverted notion. He was lying next to me on his bed and staring at me as if he was seeing me for the first time.

I couldn’t look away no matter how hard I tried. And I tried. But the feelings of hate and anger just weren’t in me so I hadn’t the power to break his gaze. Heck, I didn’t even have the power to break mine.

Whether I liked it or not, we were having a moment. The kind my friends had told me about and the kind I thought would only happen when I found Prince Charming.

I found, to my upmost horror, that feelings I’d so vehemently denied started swarming my head, deafening and blinding me. My body subconsciously leaned in closer to his, the attraction suddenly becoming overwhelming.

It was just instinct. It was just hormones. It was just that my mind and body weren’t functioning properly.

But I wanted Jack.

Suddenly, I wanted him to kiss me even if just to extinguish the sexual tension suddenly burning me alive. Even if just for a second. It wouldn’t be his first or his last – just a silly kiss to stop my head from exploding.

Jack saw this change in me, the way I was leaning towards him instead of away. I had no doubt that he’d give me what I wanted. Jack had made it clear that he’d wanted to kiss me for a while now.

But I was waiting for a kiss that never came. Instead of sweeping forward and crashing our lips together, he removed himself from me and the bed before stalking off downstairs shouting about ‘getting some air’.

Getting some fucking air?

He’d had me. For the briefest of moments he’d won and he didn’t even want to claim his prize.

Was I really that unattractive? Was it that I’d only been about the challenge. He wanted me because he couldn’t have me but when I actually returned the feeling he found I wasn’t all that desirable.

My face burnt red with shame and I was tempted to just bury my head under a pillow and never emerge.

Instead I sat up and brushed myself off in the hope to rid myself of his scent. The lack of his body against mine was startlingly stark and missed. My body seemed cold, as if I had been wrapped up in Jack all of my life and he had only just broken away.

And I was angry. I was so frustrated that I’d actually allowed him to get into my mind. I’d believed for that moment that he’d actually cared. That he’d actually wanted to kiss me.

Because to him I was nothing. I wasn’t the most beautiful or the most experienced or the best of anything. I’d known this and I’d still allowed him to see that vulnerability inside of me. All our previous messing about felt childish now compared to this; this was the first time I’d wanted him to kiss me.

I stood up quickly, unable to stay in the room a second longer, and stomped off to the bathroom which boasted a generous shower. Hastily, I threw off the degrading clothes, scratchy with their still in tact tags, and switched on the hot water.

Normally I was a strict bath worshiper but at this moment in time there was nothing I wanted more than a good shower. Showers allow you to be angry. They’re fast and hot and unforgiving, washing away all of the hurt and shame which still lingered in me. And they can disguise any tears that happen to betray you.

Jack Adams had tricked me. It was as simple as that. I’d allowed him to win for a split second and he’d realised he didn’t want me. Who would? I was so ugly and weird; nobody could ever look at me with anything other than disgust. The word freak summed me up so perfectly it hurt.

Clumsy with my emotions, I grabbed a towel off of the nearby rack to wrap securely around my body. At least the shower had made me clean even if inside I felt just as dirty.

The grey clouds outside just continued to grow darker throughout the evening. I had put on some pyjamas Jack had previously thrown into the trolley, obviously for some sort of joke, as the night dress was frilly and pink with bunnies on. I didn’t care if I looked like a complete fool. I just wanted to cover up all possible skin, protect myself as much a possible from being hurt anymore by Jack Adams. I couldn’t even stand the thought of being in his clothes again.

I settled down comfortably on the bed with a book I’d stolen from Jack’s extremely small collection. I’d only chosen it because it was the one title among a sea of sci-fi that I recognised. I needed some good escapism. I needed to forget the world’s situation and that Jack wasn’t with me and that I actually wanted him with me.

A few hours passed contentedly like that so when I next glanced up at the clock it was past eight o’clock. As if on cue, I heard the front door bang open before shutting with a ridiculously loud slam. I didn’t have the energy to face him so I hastily bookmarked the page and settled in his large bed, listening to the soft whistle of the wind slip past the open window.

Footsteps betrayed Jack as he tiptoed up the stairs and along the landing. I screwed up my eyes tightly to try to look like I was sleeping, burying myself into his covers so I could hide myself further away.

Without a single word to me Jack entered the room. I could hear something dragging along the floor and Jack’s short grunts. I kept my eyes still shut in fear that he’d notice I was awake and then confront me about earlier. I couldn’t bear it if he told me that he knew I had wanted him. I didn’t want it to be said. Not out loud.

Jack noisily fiddled with something, metal creaking and fabric rustling, until he sighed out in relief. Cautiously, I cracked open an eye to see the camping bed now properly assembled on the floor with bed covers sprawled over it.

Despite myself, I watched as Jack stripped off his shirt and trousers until only his cotton boxers clung to him. Biting my lip as some sort of punishment for peeking I turned around huffily so all I could see was darkness.

I was still seething silently and pretending to sleep when the weather outside turned nasty.

The wind doubled its pace so the calm whistling became a howling rage that knocked things off shelves with its power. Lightning lit up the entire town and thunder clapped moments after, shaking the room. I had always found storms quite exciting but I was still very glad that someone else was in this room with me. It would be torture to be alone with ominous weather like this. Even if the other person was him.

“Sophia?” Jack’s voice was a few pitches higher than usual as he whispered to me in the darkness “move over a bit.”

I turned slightly to look at this boy standing nervously beside the bed.

“No,” I snapped before pulling the cover closer again.

“Please Soph?” his tone sounded so desperate that it almost physically hurt.

But I wasn’t about to break my resolve.

“You’ve made it clear how you feel about me Jack; I think it’s only appropriate that you sleep on the floor,” I hissed.

“Soph,” he almost whined.

I took him in again and was almost bowled over with what I found.

“You’re afraid,” I stated stupidly. “You’re afraid of the storm.”

His eyes caught mine in the dim light just as lightning threw its electricity to the ground nearby. He bit his lip so hard blood escaped. I watched him pull the wound into his mouth, knowing he was almost quaking with his fear. My heart just about broke with the sight of him.

It suddenly didn’t matter anymore about him leaving or toying with my emotions because he was some kind of friend. A shitty one but one nonetheless. I couldn’t leave him to sleep alone when he was so terrified. Sighing slightly, I shuffled over and pulled the covers back so he could sink beside me.

It was then as he did so that the rain started loudly hammering against the windowpane.

“Talk to me Sophia,” Jack pleaded, shifting so he was facing me.

“You’re a jerk,” was the first thing that came into my head. He groaned and buried his head into the pillow.

“I’m sorry I just left, I thought that was what you wanted me to do.”

His breath tickled my skin but I resisted the urge to just push him away for once.

“Well I didn’t. You chose the one time I wanted you to stay to up and leave.”

“I know.”

“Well if you knew then you really are a jerk.”

“I know.”

“Is that all you can say?”

He pulled his head from the pillow to give me a long pleading stare that made my heart just about jump out of my chest.

“I care about you Sophia.”

“No you don’t,” angrily I turned away from him as another clap of thunder applauded the sky.

“You have seriously no idea,” his breath on my neck gave away how close he’d moved to me.

“Goodnight Jack,” I said sharply in hope to end the painful conversation.

Goodnight Sophia,” an arm coiled around my waist and settled itself there contentedly.

“Jack,” I moaned “get off.”

“But I’m scared of the storm,” he whined, all seriousness gone from his voice. I hated it how my heart fluttered at his touch and I hated it how Jack didn’t understand how much his careless actions were hurting me.

I pushed the arms off of me stubbornly and pulled the covers further up around myself.

It’s okay, I told myself, your heart’s just racing like that because of the storm. It’s not because he’s so close to you or that he said that he cared about you. It’s just not.

“I like your pyjamas by the way,” I heard the smirk on his lips but was now too drowsy to wipe it off. “They really accentuate your assets.”

I snorted at him before snuggling blissfully into his mattress, ignoring that his arm had crept up once again.

“Shut up Jack, go to sleep.”