Why Won't You Fall Into My Arms?

The next morning I awoke without that extra heat I’d become adjusted to. Opening my eyes slightly confirmed my suspicion that Jack Adams was no longer laying beside me.

I tried to figure out how I felt about that, staring at the ceiling and wondering just what I wanted from Jack. We were friends, of that I was certain, but we were treading dangerous waters. He didn’t realise how he was making me feel with his every joke and every touch.

And last night I’d been so terrified for him. Everything I had been suppressing and denying had hit me full force, wondering if this was the last chance to for me to tell him how I felt.

“Good morning beautiful,” his voice sliced through my thoughts as he entered his bedroom.

There were soft bruises crawling all along his bare chest and arms, some nastier ones purpling across his collarbone. I couldn’t help but cringe into the sheets just wondering how sore they must have been. Jack’s face, however, remained smiling. In fact, he was almost glowing, the sunshine from outside coveting him as if he were some God.

“I made you breakfast Soph,” he said, my eyes only just acknowledging the tray he had balanced in his hands.

Oh God, he was making it so hard for me to go back to pretending I hated him. Last night things had changed. He felt it too, that was why he placed the scrambled eggs down in front of me and shot me his most perfect smile. He was making it obvious which direction he wanted us to move in.

“How are you feeling now?” I propped myself up to grab his offered food.

“Fine, I’ve had a lot worse than this at football practise believe me,” he brandished at his battle scars. “It’s cute that you’re worried though.”

“I’m not worried...” I trailed off to take a mouthful of his eggs. I was worried though, and last night I had been beside myself.

“Like I said,” he murmured, sitting down on the bed by my legs and levelling an intense gaze my way “I think you’re cute.”

Shifting suddenly uncomfortable, I took another large mouthful.

“These are really good, I had no idea you could cook.”

Jack laughed and reached forward to steal a forkful for himself “I amaze even myself sometimes.”

I just rolled my eyes, finishing my breakfast and setting the tray beside me. I liked this. I liked sitting here with Jack, having him look at me as if I was the best thing to have ever happened him, bathing in a happiness that I didn’t fully understand.

Yawning sleepily, I swung my legs from the bed to sway somewhat with the stupor I was trying to shake off. Instantly, Jack was up and by my side.

“I’m fine Jack,” I chuckled, frowning at him. His eagerness was disconcerting. It was all moving too fast. I still wanted to be able to knock him over with my words and tease him like there was no tomorrow.

He shrugged and sent me a small smile “I guess you’re not the only one who gets worried.”

“It’s not cute on you Adams so drop the whole act.”

He shook his head and gathered my empty tray up. He was still smiling that secretive smile, as if he knew something I didn’t.

“It’s not an act sweetheart.”

I watched him leave with my finished breakfast looking just as smug as before. Just what was he so pleased about? And what was he playing at telling me things like that? He obviously couldn’t see how hard I was fighting off my feelings, and how much worse he was making them.

I put a hand to my head and let out a sigh so long I thought my lungs would collapse with it. I needed something else to take my mind off Jack, long enough for the feelings to dissipate or for me to get a better grip on them. Jack was playing with my head as if it wasn’t already filled with him already.

But there was no way to escape him, to escape it. We were the last two people in the world. And he was the only person I had.

---

I was falling for Jack Adams. I could feel it in my bones, the way that my smiles became lighter, the way my laughter lasted for so much longer and the way his eyes reflected the happiness I felt. Before either of us could really come to terms with reality, a few days had passed. Each time we’d made to re-enter the outside world some excuse had been conjured up and we’d hidden away at Jack’s house.

We were cowards who weren’t ready to face up to real life yet. I was the biggest coward of all though. Every time Jack had sent me that perfect smile or tried to tell me something sweet I had just shut down. I didn’t want him to make things more complicated for me than they already were. It was bad enough that I was falling for him – I didn’t need him doing something stupid like falling for me back.

I was still fighting, against him and against myself. Just one slip up and it would all come crumbling down on me. I didn’t even know if I’d sink or swim, if Jack would help me through or let me drown while he sat back and watched. I was scared and hiding in more ways than one.

“When everything gets back to normal will you go with me to the school dance?” Jack blurted out while we were sprawled in front of his TV watching Friends re-runs.

I raised an eye-brow at him, taking in his slightly flushed face and parted lips. Wondering just where that had come from.

“No.”

My answer was simple. Saying yes would have meant suicide, meant admitting my facade was false and I felt more for this boy than animosity.

“What do you mean no?”

“No. You know - N. O. It’s really quite easy to understand, it’s only one word,” I teased before turning back pointedly to the screen.

“I get the no part but I don’t get why?”

“That’s exactly why I said no, you’re one of the only guys who would ask me for an explanation. I’m not interested Jack Adams, that’s why.”

“So you’re telling me that you don’t like me?”

“Not enough to go to a dance with you.”

“Can I have that in writing?”

I turned to look at him, frowning in confusion. What was his angle here? Why was he asking me something so stupid?

“You want me to write down how I’ll never go out with you?” I asked in a tone I hoped would show him how ludicrous it was.

“Yep,” Jack smiled and was already passing me a pen and a sliver of paper.

I took them but not before shooting him my best what-the-hell look. Maybe Jack had gone crazy, maybe our situation had pushed him over the edge. He had never been completely mentally stable anyway.

“Any particular way you want me to set this out?” I asked sarcastically while scrawling out the statement.

‘I, Sophia Antebellum Harley, will never go out with you Jack Adams.’

“That’s fine,” he just grinned and took it from me as soon as I’d finished. Feeling embarrassed, I withdrew quickly back into myself.

“It’s for later on Soph,” he said, answering my unasked question “for me to show you when we’re dancing at prom together. An ‘I told you so’.”

I scoffed and playfully threw a pillow at him from where I lay on the bed. “That’s never going to happen Romeo. You may as well frame it so that every day you’ll wake up and be reminded of that too.”

He put it under his head and settled contentedly down, holding that all too familiar secretive smile on his face. He was so sure of himself. So sure that one day he’d use that stupid slip of paper to prove to me how wrong I once was. I’d never tell him that if it ever came true I wouldn’t even care about being wrong. I’d only care about having him, breathing him in, meaning something for once.

“Nothing else to say?” I asked, surprised he’d given in so easily.

“I’m tired is all Soph,” he sighed and instantly I knew something was wrong. It was all over his face, seeping out of his every pore. Jack Adams was never too tired to be right.

“Explain yourself,” I sat up, the TV completely forgotten.

“You’re missing the best part,” he told me, his eyes not even focused on the screen but on me instead. We stared for a few brief moments because I couldn’t bring myself to look away. His blue eyes suddenly becoming everything.

“I’ve seen it before,” I shrugged “it’s no big deal.”

We sat in silence as I watched Jack compose his thoughts. It was strange not being able to recognise the emotion running across his face, it was stranger still that he hadn’t instantly told me what was bothering him. We’d always seemed to share things, when we were young and friends, when we were pointing out each others’ flaws and hating that the words hurt, when we were the last two people in the world. I knew I was keeping secrets but for him to be keeping them too felt wrong. Jack had always been an endearingly open person. I had never been an endearingly anything.

“It’s the eleventh anniversary of Annabelle’s death today and usually my parents and I spend it together. We don’t get on much but every year we make sure we have no plans so we’re all free to have dinner together. It’s weird that they’re not here now. It’s weird not having them here on this day.”

I could see the sincerity in his beautiful eyes and shuffled over to him, unable to stay away.

“I’m sorry Jack,” I said because there was nothing else to say.

“It really hammers home how nobody else is here, how it’s just here by ourselves. We’re not old enough for that kind of responsibility – we’re not even seniors yet. How could they just leave us like that, do they not care about us?”

“We don’t know what happened so let’s not judge them too much. They do care, the entire school cares about you Jack, you’re practically famous there.”

He raised his head and sat up too so our bodies were just touching. I almost flinched back, partly at his movement but mainly at his bottomless eyes. It always surprised me at how much intensity they could carry.

“They don’t really care about me Soph. That’s all just fake popularity. It means nothing.”

“It means quite a lot when you don’t have it,” I smiled teasingly and poked him lightly in the chest. I just wanted to lighten the heavy mood because I was scared of where this conversation was going. We were alone. We had to accept that. There was nothing we could do about it.

Jack caught my hand as it moved into him, gripping it tightly.

“Do you really think that they just left us?” he asked vulnerably, like a child asking a parent for reassurance.

This was what I feared too – to be left, abandoned, pushed away. I didn’t want to consider their disappearance as deliberate because then there wasn’t a promise of them returning. I racked my brain for a million excuses before seeing how frivolous they were and disregarding them entirely. They were all lies anyway.

“No Jack, your parents would never abandon you and my brother would never leave me.”

Of this, at least, I was confident. Jason was a lot of things but he was my big brother first and he wouldn’t have left me alone, especially not with a boy. We were all each other had. He was my last slice of a family which had slowly faded away.

When I next looked at Jack he’d put on that facial expression I had now come to dread. I was already backing away when his arms stopped me. I screwed my eyes shut so at least I wouldn’t have to watch the moment he realised who I was, that he didn’t want me.

I felt his lips brush against my temple quickly and cracked an eye open. His lips were at my forehead next, lingering there for a gentle moment. I couldn’t stop my laughter from bubbling up as they trailed down my jaw, finding another one of my ticklish spots.

“Stop it Jack,” I laughed as I turned my head away but kept our hands linked. I needed him as much as he needed me at the moment. We were each others’ only for a short time because we were all we had.

“You’re something else Soph,” he whispered softly into my ear. His words alone could have been taken either way but accompanied with his perfect smile I knew it was a compliment. And I couldn’t shut myself down for this one.

“After just 5 days of being alone you’re already shamefully complimenting me Jack Adams, what would your parents say?” I feigned shock, resting a hand on my chest.

He sniggered and slowly rested his forehead against mine so our eyes were locked.

“They’d probably tell me to kiss you right now.”

As if flinching, I quickly moved away from him so our bodies were distant once again. It was too much too fast. I was barely ready to face my growing feelings; there was no way I could face his too.

And there was a nagging in the back of my mind, reminding me of yesterday, reminding me of the past few years. All of the nasty things he’d muttered and all of the heartbreaking looks he’d shot straight through me. I couldn’t condone them by falling for him, not now and not ever.

But the thing which made me move the quickest, the biggest fear I had was of becoming ‘just another girl’. I was different. I’d always been different and I’d accepted that. I didn’t want to let go of my identity just to form into another girl that Jack had fooled with his slick hair and perfect eyes. But, of course, Jack didn’t understand any of this.

His hurt look and slumped shoulders had me almost regretting my decision to move away. But it was better that I had the control then let him run from me again.

“I’m glad that we’re friends Jack,” I smiled, trying to lessen the blow of rejection I could see dwindling in his eyes.

“Yeah,” he smiled weakly “me too.”

“If you’re good I might consider going to this school dance with you,” I gazed fondly at him, battling with inner emotions and just about winning.

He lit up with excitement with it so easily displayed across his handsome face. “Really?” He was nothing but hopeful.

“Yes.”

“Good how?”

“No touching, trying to get me to kiss you, tempting me with your half naked form etc.”

“Tempting eh?” he smirked and observed the baggy clothes that adorned me. I hated how alluring his bedroom eyes were, how doubly they worked against me as we were still sitting on his bed.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about,” I laughed and shoved him playfully over. He fell backwards off of the bed onto the sheet covered ground and looked up at me with those twinkling orbs that just about drove me insane.

I didn’t like Jack Adams as more than a friend.

I didn’t desperately want to kiss him.

I didn’t think I was falling in love with him.

My lies were cut short as a mischievous hand reached out to catch my own. I stared down at it in confusion, at my hand and his entwined together, as if I couldn’t quite understand it.

Suddenly, the urge to prove these feelings to myself was upon me, overwhelming me. I wanted to do something for Jack. I didn’t want to always be the one he reached out to. I wondered what it would be like to take his hand.

“You’re adorable when you’re confused,” Jack remarked as he watched me fight with indecision.

“You’re such a smart ass,” I snapped, not unkindly.

“Just get down here already,” he tugged my hand down so I was caught off of balance, toppling off of the bed to land half on his body.

“You’re not very comfortable.”

He grinned before closing his eyes, resting his head back against the carpet as I lay my own in the crook of his neck.

“This doesn’t change anything,” I whispered, needing to get that out of me. It was more to myself. I was reassuring myself.

Jack remained silent as if he knew I was barely addressing him.

“Jack?” I poked him lightly and nestled closer.

“Sophia?”

“I’m sorry about your sister, truly I am,” I murmured.

“I know. And Sophia?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like me?”

I laughed slightly and twisted so our eyes could meet. “Of course I do. Sure you’re an idiot and a pervert sometimes but I like you all the same.”

His arms tightened around me, his soft breathing ringing in my ear.

“I like you too.”

“Thank God for that,” I chuckled again “you had me worried there for a minute.”

“I’ve always liked you.”

“Don’t Jack,” I warned, tensing up. I didn’t want this, his fables and lies that he’d never hated me. How could he have been so malicious and not hated me?

“Sorry.”

I tilted my head up to kiss his cheek before getting up, detangling our bodies.

“I know you are.”