Freight Hopper

Frank
Frank is confused when he wakes up, really fucking confused because this is definitely not his room, nor does it even look like Kamry’s apartment for that matter. There is an indent where someone next to him must have been sleeping, but he’s most definitely alone, alone and cold, and, initially, really scared. Then he hears loud clambering in what sounds like the kitchen, and “Mikey,” someone says, scolding harshly, and he knows that voice, and “Oh,” he says softly. Of course, I’m so stupid, he thinks. It’s then the door swings open, and there is Gerard smiling shyly, “Sorry if Mikey woke you up.”

Frank shakes his head, “No, it’s um, it’s okay.” Gerard nods, and sits on the end of the bed, “You okay?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Frank chuckles a bit, relaxing, “I just um, well I sort of forgot where I was for a minute.”

“Oh,” Gerard answers, trying to contain laughter, but when Frank giggles, Gerard can’t help it and they laugh together for a few minutes. When they stop, Frank is much less tense, and Gerard is happily relieved at this.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Gerard asks, “I mean, I can take you back to Kamry’s to change and shower and stuff, or you could just borrow some clothes. We could go out to eat if you want, or there’s this-”

“Gerard?” Frank interrupts.

He stops, somewhat relieved for a reason to stop talking, but completely focused. “yeah?” he replies.

“Will...will you take me somewhere?”

Gerard replies cautiously, “Where?”

Frank’s expression has changed. It’s been plaguing him for weeks now, the idea, and the guilt, oh the guilt, the thoughts and the fear. His voice is barely above a whisper, the shame having constricted his vocal chords, “I...I left her there.”

Gerard is confused at first and “Wha- what do, Oh.” and there, there it is Frank thinks, and yes, Gerard remembers now, understands completely. He can pictures her, alone and scared, and he is really unsure what to think.

“I-I promised I’d come back, said I’d be back soon, and I’m sorry, so sorry. I was just so lost, and you know I couldn’t stay there.” Frank hides his face, “I didn’t mean to leave her, I swear I didn’t.”

“All right,” Gerard says, mostly because he’s really not sure what else to say. Frank looks at him sadly, but he shys away when Gerard throws him a “come here, love” look. And, okay, he thinks, we’re not there yet. And he’s right, they aren’t. Frank still doesn’t really understand what they are right now, doesn’t know if he can touch Gerard, hug him without asking, stroke his arm just to know he’s there, isn’t really sure what is allowed yet. They’ve never been here before. Until last night, the most Frank had gotten, affectionately, from Gerard was a night in a dirty bathroom stall, hard, rough, teeth against teeth, pushing, shoving, moans that sounded so fucking beautiful, and then it was over and Frank was left frustrated, beyond confused, and pleased, oh yes, so fucking pleased. Before today, the Gerard Frank knew had been rough, terrified, and even cold. So when Gerard opens up his arms with a soft smile, beckoning for Frank to snuggle into his warm, safe arms, Frank is timid scared almost, of rejection, abandonment, and it’s ironic, he knows, because it’s exactly what he did to Gerard three years ago, abandoned him, rejected him, and what right does he have to be afraid of such things? But he is, he can’t deny that, he is.

He thinks that maybe, just maybe, leaving the way he did changed Gerard somehow. Gerard is different, there was no doubting that, but Frank can’t pin down exactly what it is. It’s always been there, that pull towards Gerard, that desire and the need, but never before has Gerard been so...welcoming, so open. Three years ago, Gerard had rejected every bit of...loving Frank, even the mere idea of it. Friends? Sure, any day of the week. Lovers? Absolutely not. That was wrong. That went against everything he had been taught. Man and a woman, that’s the proper way, that’s how it should be. But now...now Gerard almost seemed, well, eager to love him. Suddenly, Gerard, the Iron Man, was all hugs and smiles, soft caresses, and the lightest kiss imaginable placed upon his cheek. Gerard had changed, and Frank likes this new Gerard, but he’s intimidated by him, confused. But Gerard is gentle now, being ever so kind, softly running his fingers along the back of Frank’s bare neck. “It’s okay, love,” Gerard whispers, and this simple, tiny gesture of compassion is it, all Frank needs to know yeah, this is okay. He’s okay for now; we’re okay for now.

They are there for another few tender moments until Gerard says, “Okay. You okay? You ready?” Frank is afraid to nod, but he stands, regardless of his fear, and follows Gerard out the door.