The Assignment

The Assignment.

As soon as I woke, I thought of Sam. His stunning smile, his stupid jokes, his beautiful eyes. I missed him so much.
I stepped off the scales in the bathroom. 5st 8lb. I sighed loudly. Then I leant over the white porcelain bowl, tying my hair back with the band always on my wrist. I breathed in deeply, the images of Sam and Abigail together running through my head, forcing myself to gag, once, twice, then the putrid taste of sick in my mouth.
I leant back against the cool white tiles, wiping my mouth with tissue. My phone buzzed in my pajamas. It was Sam. I couldn’t bear to talk to him, not in that mess. I hung up the phone and switched it off.
After cleaning the bathroom up, I slipped back into my bedroom, checking my assignment for the day.
One meal, soup or toast with low fat spread. One glass of water to every mug of coffee. One celery stick.
I wrote out the food plan the day me and Sam broke up. I decided I was no longer going to be a fat pig. It wasn’t difficult to make myself sick; just thinking of Sam and Abigail was enough. As for the not eating, I just told myself I wasn’t hungry. I always ate enough to keep myself going, and not enough to block the hunger pains that tortured me every day.
I rolled down my sleeves, proud of the improvement on my arms. I hadn’t cut in two weeks, as I realized the not eating was enough. It was also because I’d had to make a hospital trip. I hadn’t eaten anything for two days, and I’d made a real mess of my arms. It was just a simple mistake.
I turned on my phone as I dressed my repulsive body for school. It beeped to tell me there was a voicemail. It was Sam.
“Tammy, it’s Sam. I’m worried about you sweetheart. I saw you pass out on Jemma and Ryan yesterday. I saw you chucking you lunch in the bin too. I’ll talk to you at school, okay? Bye”
Wonderful. I didn’t pass out; my body fell asleep without me. That was happening more and more. I haven’t slept a whole night since Sam left me; I wake up in a bed soaked with sweat and tears. I still missed him so much. It was killing me that him and Abigail weren’t even happy. She promised Sam they would be an out and proud couple. Instead, she was cheating on her long term boyfriend, James, and kept reassuring Sam she would finish with him. Sam just didn’t have the guts to leave, he kept telling himself it was going to get better.
“Tammy!” Sam called as I stepped onto the field. I turned up my Mp3, to drown out the thoughts of what he was doing with Abigail the night before. The song was She’s Falling Apart by Lisa Loeb, a song I’d stumbled upon a few days after I decided I was going on a diet.
“Hey Sam,” I said, falling into his warm embrace, inhaling the sweet scent of his skin, hoping some would transfer onto my spoiled skin. I winced as he ran a hand over my sore arms and swelling waist.
“Leave my huge stomach alone, you might get sucked in,” I said, recoiling from his intrusive touch.
“There’s nothing of you! I can feel your ribs when I hug you. When did you last eat?”
“This morning!” I replied indignantly. Toothpaste counts.
I pulled my gum from my pocket, hoping to hide the stench of bile on my breath. We walked over to our crowd of friends, and enjoyed the usual fun of telling the smokers when teachers are coming, watching Abigail and James hug and kiss. It was torture for Sam. And it hurt me too.
“Tammy, do you want some?” Matt asked, holding out half a KitKat.
“I’m fine thanks” I replied, bowing my head. The smell of chocolate was nauseating, making me gag silently.
“Come here…” Sam said, sounding angry, pulling me away from the group. “When did you last eat? And then not throw it back up again? I’ve followed you Tammy, stood outside the girls while you puke you guts up. Where’s your lunch?” He babbled.
“I…I forgot it.” I said. Actually, I hadn’t done myself any lunch. Told Mum I’d get something from the canteen.
“Come with me a second. He said, heading off to the changing rooms. “Look.” He lifted up his shirt, showing off his perfectly toned torso. “I’m bigger...much bigger than you. Now lift up your shirt.”
I slowly raised my shirt, hiding my disgusting body with my hand.
“Look.” He said, removing my hand and replacing it with his own. “There is nothing of you. Please see this Tammy. Please. You’re wasting away. You’re ribs look like razors. You think you look fat, you don’t. Please, I’m sorry.” His eyes glazed over with tears. “Me and Abigail...we broke up. I don’t want her. I’ve spent the last three months watching you fall apart. I thought you’d bounce back but you haven’t and I’m so sorry. Please...I still love you.”
My stomach began to swirl, and I knew what was coming next. I covered my mouth with my hand and ran to the toilets, gagging and retching, nothing but bile coming out. I cried and cried, my tears ruining my carefully applied makeup.
“Tammy! Sweetheart!” Sam cried, rubbing my back. “Stop, please!!”
I looked into the bowl and it was a funny colour, not the yellow bile I had expected, but a scary blood colour.
I thought back the times it been sick that week, and realized it had slowly been getting redder and redder. My heart was racing, my head pulsing, I felt like I was about to explode. The room began to spin, red dots floating before my eyes.
“Call…call an ambulance,” I whispered weakly. I read the stories online. It was bad.
My heart wouldn’t stop pounding, and I couldn’t stop the blood rising in my throat. The bell rang and people began pouring into the changing rooms, shocked at the image that confronted them.
“Someone call an ambulance, please! Get help!” He shouted at them, as they stood there dumbfounded. A teacher came running in, and began to gag themselves. The whole room stank of my puke.
I began to drift in and out of consciousness, hearing bits of conversations, feeling Sam crying into my lank hair.
I felt my body being lifted onto a stretcher, in an ambulance, in hospital. I knew there was someone there, talking to me, but I was too weak to even register them
I suddenly shot awake, my eyes wide open, with Sam crying on my bed.
“Tammy! You’re awake!” He sniffed. But not for long.
“I loved you…” I managed to whisper.
My chest became tight, like someone was putting elastic bands around me. I was forcing myself to breathe, but nothing was going in.
“Someone! Help!” Sam screamed.
Machines beeped, doctors rushing in. I felt cold hard pads on my chest, but nothing. Someone pushing on my chest, still nothing. The pushes became lighter, the cold pads fading, Sam’s voice drifting.

I saw her, lying helplessly on the floor of the changing room, literally chucking up her guts. Kids started to come in from break, staring at my angel.
“Someone call an ambulance, please! Get help!” I shouted as they stood there frozen. A teacher came running in, shocked at the image in front of her.
“The ambulance is on its way,” Some kid told me, as I stroked Tammy’s’ pure white skin.
I took off my jacket and wrapped it around her for warmth. The kids were instructed to get changed somewhere else, and the teacher left to make sure the ambulance came here.
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I wish we had talked, I wish you’d told me,” Then I realized she had. She’d sent me lyrics to songs, rang me up just for chats, and told me she was feeling sick. I had been so blind, so selfish. Abigail and I hadn’t been happy at all. I don’t know why I ever left Tammy. I would never be able to find a girl that loved me the way she did.
The ambulance eventually arrived and they bundled Tammy in. They swerved through the traffic as I sat in the back, holding her fragile hand. All the way there, I talked to her, trying to say the words that could clear through the fog and bring her back to me. We soon arrived a the hospital, and I followed them through endless corridors, into a cubicle
The doctors asked me questions about her, her situation, why she was so underweight.
I placed my hand over her fragile fingers after the doctor left.
Suddenly she shot awake, her eyes wide open.
“I loved you...” She whispered as she fell back against the bed. I could hear her gasping for breath.
“Someone! Help!” I screamed as she began to whiten. The machines surrounding her began to beep, doctors rushing around, talking in what felt like a foreign language.
“Can someone tell me what’s going on?!” I cried, wiping away the tears that were falling.
“She’s having a heart attack, we need to get her heart back into rhythm.” one of the nurses said.
“I love you Tammy. I love you. Please, just keep fighting.” I cried, as the doctors shocked her. They shocked her three times, then moved on to pushing onto her chest. There was a sickening crack as one of her ribs snapped against the pressure. I collapsed on the floor.
“We can’t carry on. If she manages to get through this, we’ll end up puncturing her lungs. I think we should stop. Agreed?” The doctors asked. They all looked at each other and nodded. They stepped back.
“Time of death, 11:45.”
They pulled around the curtains and left me to say goodbye.
“Sweet dreams, Dandelion,” I whispered, kissing her forehead.