Varmint Exterminator Extraordinaire

Matt's POV

"Dude, you don't understand. They're everywhere!" I yelled into the phone. I heard laughter from the other end, and I felt my free hand ball into a fist. I listened to Jimmy howl in laughter for a few more minutes, and I was tempted to throw the phone into a wall more than once.

"It's squirrels! Mighty Matt Shadows can't get rid of the squirrels!" Jimmy yelled.

"Why don't you come get rid of them then?!" I yelled back. Jimmy's laughter instantly stopped.

"What if they have rabies?" he asked, almost in a whisper.

"What's got rabies?!" I heard Aiden yell in the background.

"Nothing!" Jimmy yelled quickly.

"Jimmy! What have I told you about messing with foaming animals?! It's dangerous!" Aiden yelled.

"Matt's got rabies! Not me!" Jimmy yelled.

"Hey! I do not have rabies!" I yelled back. I heard some weird noises, and then Jimmy was gone.

"What's the problem?" Aiden asked.

"I was handling that!" Jimmy yelled.

"I've got squirrels," I said.

"Is that like crabs?" Aiden asked, laughing lightly.

"Haha, very funny, Aiden," I mumbled.

"I know! I think I've still got the number to those people who got rid of our ant problem," Aiden said.

"Do they handle squirrels?" I asked. I heard papers shuffling, and then Aiden spoke.

"Yeah, their slogan is 'Big or small, we get 'em all,'. Oh! Found it!" Aiden yelled. I wrote down the number Aiden gave me, thanked her, and hung up. I walked back into my living room and fell onto the couch, the phone and number still in my hand. Something crashed above my head and I jumped.

"Fucking squirrels," I mumbled and started dialing the number.

Sam's POV

"I love days off," I said and kicked my feet up on the counter. Reina glared at me, and I smiled back. She rolled her eyes and went back to looking at the magazine in her lap. Reina works in a tattoo shop, as one of their best tattoo artists. Right now no one's in here because it's early. Like eight o'clock in the morning early. Things usually don't pick up until the afternoon.

"Sam!" I opened my eyes to see Reina standing in front of me and waving her hand in my face.

"What?" I asked.

"Your phone's ringing," she said and pointed to my pocket. Sure enough, it was ringing. I dug the small phone from my pocket and put it to my ear.

"Sam!" Why is everyone yelling at me today?

"Yeah?" I asked, still not sure of who I was talking to. I probably should have checked the Caller ID.

"I got a job for you," the person said. Shit. It was my boss, Mr. Rickman.

"But...sir...today's my day off," I said.

"It's a special job that only you can handle," Mr. Rickman said sweetly.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Squirrels in an attic. I thought we could try and keep them alive."

"Okay. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"I'll be waiting outside." I stuffed the phone back into my pocket and stood up.

"Making you work again?" Reina asked.

"Yep. It's probably some more old people. At least that last one was awesome to talk to," I said, thinking back to my last customer. He had been an old man wearing fishing gear and setting off mini-bombs in his backyard. I go over there every two weeks.

"Have fun!" Reina called as I walked out of the shop. I flipped her the bird and kept walking to my car.

Matt's POV

"Would you shut up?!" I yelled and hit the ceiling a few more times with the broom. The squirrels were at it again. It's gotten so bad that I hear them in my sleep, and then when I wake up...they're at it again! I'm really starting to lose it. I tried getting rid of them. I made it as far as the attic steps. One of them attacked and I haven't opened the little attic door since.

The phone rang, and the small noise made me jump. This was really starting to mess with my image. I walked into the kitchen and picked the phone up.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, someone's in a bad mood," Brian said.

"Don't get mad, Matt! Get glad!" I heard Tara yell in the background.

"Get her!" Patti yelled.

"What in the hell is going on over there?" I asked.

"Trust me, you don't want to know," Brian said with a sigh.

"Did they try to hook you up with someone again?" I asked. Me and Brian were the only single ones in our group of friends, but the girls were constantly trying to hook Brian up with someone.

"Yeah. They put an ad in the paper, Tara's idea, so now they're ganging up on her. It's been a long day. Why don't they do this to you?" Brian asked.

"Because you're the man-whore, and I was in the tragic breakup," I said. To be honest, I was over Kelly, my last girlfriend. But the girls didn't need to know that yet.

"Lucky bastard," Brian mumbled. I started to say something, but then I heard the door bell ring.

"Hey. I gotta go. The exterminator dude's here," I said.

"Alright. Whatever. Hey! Barbecue Friday!" Brian yelled and hung up. I looked at the phone and then threw it onto the couch. My friends were...a little out there. I'd be bored as hell without them though.

I walked towards the front door and heard another squirrel overhead. Those things were really starting to bother me. Fucking furry animals. I opened the door, still looking at the ceiling.

"Thanks for coming, 'cause I don't know how to get rid of them," I said, listening to them run around in the attic.

"No problem. No matter how big or small, we get 'em all," a feminine voice said. I looked down into a pair of light brown eyes and forgot all about the squirrels.