Streetlights

I could cut the tension in the room with a knife. It was claustrophobic and on edge, and it looked like Gabby was trying to make Tom’s head explode with just her eyes. When I started to shuffle my feet, not liking the lack of response from anyone, I could feel her eyes bore into me.

Get out of here, my brain told me, run and let them figure this out. I honestly didn’t want to be here when the sparks led into full flamed, dangerous fire. I didn’t know Gabby that well, but I did know what a mad girlfriend could do.

“Maybe I should just…” I trailed off and pointed my thumbs in the direction of the door.

Tom didn’t argue, and but Gabby did. “Aw, no, why don’t yeh stay? This does concern yeh, I mean, yeh did just roll out of his bed and all.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared down at my shoes. Guilty, guilty, guilty. I didn’t feel this bad a couple minutes ago. No, a couple minutes ago, I said I didn’t care if Gabby caught us, but now I felt like a knife had been shoved into my stomach and was just sitting there. I was nervous and my palms became sweaty.

“We can’t really make him choose if we’re here,” I started to bullshit my way through the tension, “we could give him time to think about it or something.”

“Yeh don’t get it,” she said to me, “he has to choose with us here so he can see how stupid he’s been.”

And then, she snapped.

Something happened, tears started to well up in her eyes, and she dropped her purse to the ground. She looked up at Tom with her bottom lip shaking, and suddenly it was as if I wasn’t even there anymore, “I thought yeh l-loved me, Tom. Yeh told me yeh didn’t feel anythin’ for her anymore, that she was your past. I even trusted yeh to go pick her up in Leads. Why did I trust yeh?”

Had he really said that? I mean, I figured he would say things to her to make it seem like we weren’t up to no good, but to say he didn’t feel anything, anything, hurt. The lump in my throat was back and the feeling in my stomach wasn’t getting any better. Was I jealous? Yeah, maybe. Did I feel used? Definitely. Did I know what was actually going on in Tom’s head? No, never.

I looked from the teary-eyed Gabby to Tom. His eyes were fixated on her, a pained look on his face. Still, it was like I wasn’t there anymore. He stepped forward, still a couple of feet away. “Gabby…”

She shook her head and put a hand over her mouth as if to catch her sobs. The guilty feeling came swirling back and took over the self-pity I’d just felt. I couldn’t help but think, look what I’d done.They were fine and dandy until I showed back up. Now, thanks to me, everything was ruined. She was hurt, Tom had cheated, and I was just the extra component that didn’t fit with the other two.

Tom took another step forward and placed his hands on Gabby’s forearms. That’s when I decided Tom made his choice. Whether or not he meant to choose her, he did. He decided to comfort her, and, as I was rushing away from them and heading for the front door, he decided to pull her to him and brush down her hair, that same look of pain on his face.

I didn’t know what I felt. I managed to walk out of Tom’s flat and down the stairs in time to see Matt Nicholls pull up to the car park. “Oi, what yeh up to?” He asked.

Until then, I’d been composed, but once Matt showed up, my voice shook and I wasn’t strong anymore. “Can you just take me home? Please?” He didn’t ask any questions and made sure my apartment door was shut and locked behind me before driving away.

It was already the next morning, and it was a gorgeous one. The sun had taken over the usually gloomy skies. I just couldn’t enjoy it. Being stuck in apartment puffy eyes and cardboard boxes stacked in the corner wasn’t a good mix; especially with my family history. I wasn’t going to do what I did last time and frantically throw things in boxes. It did cross my mind though. So did the fact that, if he chose Gabby and I stayed, nothing would be the same within our group. The tension I felt tonight would just be the beginning of it, which led to the boxes becoming more appealing.

I picked up my cell phone and dialed a familiar number. “Hey, how do you feel about house-sitting?”

“Does your fridge have food?” Matt Kean asked, “as long as it’s got some food, some sweets, and runnin’ water, I’ll be up to it.”

“Good, good,” I replied and continued awkwardly, “so, uhm, how do you feel about keeping secrets? Or, like, driving someone to London?”

“Madison, what’re yeh on ‘bout?”

I sighed. “There’s been some complications lately, and I need a break from Sheffield. The tension here is too thick, I’ve caused too many problems, and I’m somewhat just realizing that I really miss my mom. I haven’t seen her in so long, so I figured I could take a little vacation. I’m not running away, I swear.”

Matt made a hmm sound. “So if yeh aren’t runnin’, why are yeh callin’ me and not SJ or somethin’?”

“I figured you were the only one that wouldn’t rat me out until I was gone,” I admitted. “So are you up for it?”

“Just let me know when I need to take you to London.”

Another day passed without me seeing anyone. I talked to Matt after I booked a flight for this evening. He would be here in an hour to take me to London, where I was flying out of. I wasn’t actually positive if I was ready. Sure, I had the plane tickets, my mom knew, and my suitcase was packed, but it felt wrong to just leave with so many loose ends. I hadn’t talked to SJ, or Tom, or Sam, or anyone other than Matt. He did promise to let everyone know what was going on after I’d landed, and that I’d be back in a couple of weeks.

I just needed time with my mom. She may be crazy, and she may have screwed up my childhood, but it felt too weird not to see her.

I heard a knock at the door, and, thinking it was Matt, went right over and swung it open. “You’re early… and you’re not Matt.”

Tom Sykes stood in front of me, hands in his pockets and a blank face. “What’s Matt comin’ to get yeh for?”

I licked my lips nervously and took a breath. “He’s going to take me to London.”

Tom nodded. We stayed on opposite sides of the doorway. It was like, if we crossed, everything would fall apart—more that it already was. I couldn’t believe he was here. I was certain that everything at his flat was the end of it.

“Madi, I just… I wanted to say that I’m sorry, so—”

I cut him off. “Do you love her?”

He took a moment to respond, and when he did, he didn’t sound one-hundred percent, “Yeah.”

I nodded slowly and looked around. Matt’s car pulled up outside and idled. I knew there was something I still needed to ask. “Do… do you love me?”

“Yeah. I do.”

I nodded again. I was confused. “What does this mean?”

“It means yeh should probably go, for a while. I just had a feelin’ yeh would be leavin’, and I needed to tell you that—that I do love yeh—before yeh were gone.”

My eyes moved back to him and met his calm, blue ones. I felt a sudden reassurance that hadn’t been there before. “You know I’m coming back right?”

Tom smiled. “Yeah,” he paused and reached up to brush a piece of hair out of my face. He moved his palm to the back of my head and leaned down, pressing his lips to my forehead. “and everythin’ will be different then.”