Forgotten Faces

I sat down at a curb, not knowing what to do with my life. I could feel that tears wanted to come out of my eyes. I wouldn't let them.

I've cried far too many times. I needed to learn to stop now. Crying wasn't going to help my situation. Crying would still leave me on a curb, not knowing where to go.

I didn't have anywhere to run to. My home would have my mother home. She would demand me to either tell her what had happened or she'd force me to go back to school. I didn't have any friends to go run to. I didn't have any close relatives around besides my aunt. I couldn't go there.

I looked down at the street.

"I'm so so stupid," I said quietly.

What was I thinking? I should've never hit Justin. It probably made him even more angry with me. I was gonna have to go through Hell with him.

I looked around once more. I've looked at my surroundings around fifty-seven times now. I was counting. It's not like I had anything better to do.

I dug my heels into the concrete ground. I watched as the bottom on my shoes seemed to get smaller as I pushed harder and harder.

I didn't want to cry. I just always ended up crying about my own situation. I didn't like it. I didn't want to cry for myself. That was just empty self-pity. I didn't want my own pity.

What was self-pity going to do for me? It was going to do nothing of course. It just left me with aching eyes and a bad complexion.

I didn't like my situation. I didn't like the fact that my own brother liked to see me in pain. I didn't like that I had scars on my body because my brother liked to cut me up.

I didn't like that I still felt the need not to tell anyone that my brother was twisted in the head. I didn't like that I didn't want to tell anyone. I didn't like that I never told my parents that it was my brother that caused the scars.

I ran my hands through my hair for the fifth time in the minute. I could feel that my legs were shaking again.

"Breathe," I told myself.

I cradled my legs, bringing them close to my body. I moved my body back and forth for what seemed like a quick minute or two.

I set my legs back on the ground. I looked around my surroundings yet again.

Where was I to go?

I stood up, even though my legs felt so very weak right now. I took a step to the left, but I took it back. I took a step to my right, but I took that one back as well.

I didn't know where to go. I knew where I was. I wasn't lost or anything. I just had no idea where would be a safe place for me to go.

Originally, I wanted to run to that ice cream place Matt had taken me, but I decided that no one wanted to see a hopeless girl cry, while they were ordering their ice cream cones.

I bit down on my lip as I sat back down on the curb. As soon as I sat down, I wanted to stand right back up.

No, I wasn't sure what I wanted. I wanted to sit, I wanted to stand, I wanted to run, and I wanted to rest. What was it that I wanted?

I stood back up. I looked around my surroundings again, hoping that something had dramatically changed, but everything was exactly the same.

I took a step forward, and I bit down on my lip. I took the step back. I took the step forward, and this time I kept on walking.

Every step I took I knew I wasn't sure why I was taking it. I felt so insecure, and I wasn't sure what I was doing.

I wondered if I was over-reacting now. I knew Justin. I knew exactly what he was capable of doing to me, and I don't think he had any more tricks up his sleeve.

If I hadn't slapped him, everything would've stayed the same. Nothing would've changed. Everything would've carried on just as it always had. Even if it wasn't the perfect life, I knew what to expect at least.

"So stupid," I whispered.

I was stupid. I didn't think, when it was important. I had the grades every kid wanted, but it didn't matter. They weren't helping me, when I needed them. They would get me to college, but they wouldn't get me away far enough now.

I clenched my hands together and brought them up to my mouth. I stopped walking. I brought my hands down just to bring them back up to my lips.

I bit down on my knuckles, wanting something to do. The pain I felt made me stop biting down. I looked down at my shoes.

"What am I doing?" I asked myself.

I looked back from the direction I came from. I could still see the curb that I sat on for two hours just thinking to myself. I almost wanted to go back to it.

Would someone eventually start wondering where I was? Would the school call my parents, asking where I was? Would my parents start to worry? Would they call their precious son to ask if he had seen his baby sister? What would he tell them?

I shook my head. I was thinking about too many things. Thoughts made me sad. It just meant that I had no one to talk about them. I thought about the same things for hours and hours. I never spoke about them.

No one ever wanted to speak with me for too long. I didn't have friends. No one wanted to talk to me for hours about things that would never benefit us in life. No one wanted to have meaningless conversations that would make us laugh and cry.

I often wondered if there was someone that did want to talk to hours with me. I wanted someone like that. I didn't care if they wanted to just see me once a month. I wouldn't care if they made me hide behind cars as their real friends walked passed them.

"I'm so stupid," I whispered.

I started walking again. I looked up at sky. There were a couple of clouds in the sky. Sadly there weren't enough for me to even start trying to guess what they could form.

"Adriana?"

I held my breath. I wondered who it would be. Who would be the one to find me, wandering around? What would they say to me? What would they do to me?

I felt their hand on my arm, but I kept my eyes on the tiny clouds in the sky. I almost wanted no one to find me.

"Are you okay?"

Was I okay? Was there something wrong with me? Did Justin managed to mess my head up so badly that there was something wrong with me? Or was I another teenager that thought the world was too tough on her?

Would I realize that I was just a normal teenager, when I looked back on my life ten years from now? Would I regret everything I did? Would I look back and laugh at myself for being so stupid?

Or am I really messed up now? Do I need to get help for myself? Am I one of those rare cases that needs someone to tell them how they should live their lives from now on? Did I need to be put in the crazy house?

"Adriana, can you hear me?"

Even if there was someone who was willing to hear what I said, would I really like it? Or would I freeze up?

I knew that I wasn't used to speaking to someone for long amounts of time. So how would I be able to have hour long conversations with someone? Wouldn't I run out of things to say?

And it'd be hard for me to open up to someone. How long would it take for me to open up to someone? Would it just have to be one person? Or could I handle having a group of friends?

Friends. They were almost like a fantasy for me. I've never had any close friends. I've had friends of course. I just never had any that I would call everyday after school just because. I never had any that were so close to me that we would have sayings that we only got.

"Say something."

I looked down finally. It was her. It was the quiet girl. She was the one who was dating Brian. It was Josie.

She didn't have her usual shy smile on her face. Instead she looked worried. It looked like she was worried for me.

Did I look terrible? Were my eyes puffy from crying too much? Was my hair all over the place from me constantly moving it around? Were my clothes dirty from sitting on a curb for two hours?

"Do I look bad?" I asked.

I could've hit myself. All of the things I could've said, I must've chosen the most useless things ever.

She didn't answer me. Instead she hugged me. It completely caught me off guard.

She held me tightly, and I never felt so safe in my life. Her hand was rubbing my back, and I could her crying.

"Everything will be okay," she whispered.

I felt a tear leaving my eye.

"Every thing's gonna be fine, Adriana. I'm here."