Want You Bad

Alexis noticed me today. Rather, she noticed my voice. My singing.
Music.
I’d been singing, to get my emotion out. I’d always told myself to find a better way to get emotion out, other than cutting…so I tried singing. Screaming.
Screaming my heart out.
She heard me from outside the rehearsal room, and must’ve come in to see who it was. Bet she was shocked to find me in there. Who would’ve expected that form me anyway?
I was singing comatose by Skillet. A song with meaning. I can relate to the lyrics. And I was just singing my heart out. I was almost screaming the lyrics. To start with, I didn’t notice the tall, slender figure appear in the room. I didn’t hear the door shut behind her. And I didn’t see her, standing beside me.
My eyes were shut tight. I was trying to forget. Trying to forget her.
Tears soaked my face.
“I’m asleep and all I dream of, is waking to you”
The lyrics cut deep. It was true. She’s all I think about, day and night. Every time I fall asleep, I long to wake up to her beautiful features.
“I don’t wanna live, I don’t wanna breathe. ‘Less I feel you next to me”
Fuck this. I couldn’t take it anymore. I reached for my bag. I reached for my BLADE.
That was when I noticed her.
Alexis.
She was standing not 5 feet away from me. Tears filled her hazel eyes. They stained her perfect skin. I stared, mesmerized by her beauty.
“I…I’m sorry” she said quickly, but sheepishly “I was just…” she couldn’t finish her sentence.
“It’s fine” I half smiled, afraid to intimidate her, as I did everyone else.
“I…” She headed for the door but hesitated. She turned back to me.
“Was that you singing? Skillet wasn’t it?” Her voice was stronger now, more confident. She wasn’t afraid.
“Yeah it was. I’m not very good but…I try. Yeah it was Skillet. How did you know that?” She was sat on the table opposite me, staring as intently as I was.
“I…I…” She didn’t know how to react.
She sighed. “I’m not how everyone thinks I am. I’m different. I HATE who everyone thinks I am” she was getting angry. My baby was getting angry. Oh how I wanted to reach out and hold her. Tears ran down her face.
“I’m sorry. I…shouldn’t” she wiped her tears “I should go”
She slid off the table.
“Stay” I replied, a little too quickly. She looked back, her beautiful eyes glistening in the light.
“Please” my voice sounded desperate. She smiled, and sat back down.
“Do...do you know ‘Here I stand’ by Madina Lake?” How does she know these bands? I couldn’t figure her out.
“Yeah I do. You want me to show you?” she seemed genuinely interested. She nodded happily, so I pressed play on my iPod.

“My life without you in it; is a life that’s not worth living” I sung in perfect time, making sure I hit every note.
“I wish I was someone else; anyone but me” She joined in, her voice like an angel’s, perfectly practiced. Her eyes welled up again.
“I guess I’ll bleed in silence!” I belted out, strong. Oh how true these lyrics are.
“And I wish I was someone else; anyone but me” the song came to and end, but her tears kept coming. And so did mine. I quickly wiped the eyeliner from my cheek.
“Wow, you’re amazing” She spoke through tears.
I half-heartedly smiled.
I learnt a lot about Alexis in that hour. She’s not who everyone thinks she is.
She’s different.
She’s like me.
She’s not a bimbo. She’s not stupid. She’s not happy. She opened her heart to me.
“I’m not the girl they all think I am. I don’t like Rhianna, Girls Aloud and Sugarbabes. I like Skillet, Madina Lake and Three Days Grace. Their music is true. They mean something. It’s deeper than just a catchy tune.”
Why was she telling me this?
She opened her heart.
She hasn’t got it all.
She’s got nothing.
Her parents wish she didn’t exist. They pay for everything, she stays quiet. That’s the agreement. They stick by it.
She’s deep. Her beauty isn’t just skin deep. She’s better than that.
She cried a lot.
The tears just wouldn’t stop. And the whole time, I sat there, just wishing I could be the one to dry her tears, and hold her close to me. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t reach out to her. I couldn’t take her by the hand, and pull her into my arms.
I couldn’t have her.
In that hour, I learnt a lot about Alexis.
But first and foremost, I learnt that I’d fallen for her. And I’d fallen hard.
I am in love with her.