Serenading Sirens

I had watched a lot of sunrises in my life. This past week, it seemed like I was personally responsible for watching each of them. I sat on the edge of the bed, a sheet wrapped loosely around my body. Alex lay inches behind me, still asleep and snoring lightly. I broke my gaze from the frosted window to look back at him, his hair splayed over the pillow, his mouth open just a bit. A small smile formed on my lips and I couldn't fight the urge to crawl back to join him.

He was warm as I cuddled back into him, warming my flesh where the air had touched it. He muttered something sleepily, wrapping an arm around me. His lips brushed my cheek, and I thought he was just dreaming. But they moved to my neck, traveling to my lips in a loop. I giggled before he slowly opened his eyes and the corners of his lips turned up.

"I'm sorry I woke you," I apologized in a whisper, letting him continue his kissing.

"Mmm, don't be," he murmured, finally lifting his head. One more kiss on my lips. "I love you," he smirked.

A smile broke my expression again. "And I love you," I replied before puckering my lips.

Eventually, it was suggested that we actually face the light of day. We dressed and giggled our way out of the room to make our way downstairs. The place was already spotless. The only evidence of there being a party were the lumps of bodies under covers of makeshift beds made of pillows and couch cushions.

Jack lifted his head, a glare set in his eyes. "Who the fuck just stomped down the steps?" he questioned angrily.

The others sat up now to see whom he was yelling at. He looked the worst out of all of them; eyes bloodshot, underlined by dark circles, hair a mess and a glisten of sweat on his forehead. It looked as if his drinking binge had only ended an hour ago. It just might have, and all because of me.

The great mood I had been in disappeared. My stomach clenched in shame, hurting so much that I had to wrap my arm around it. "Sorry we were loud, Jack. I didn't think anyone was still here," I told him before turning away and striding to the kitchen. I fell into a chair, the legs scraping against the tile of the floor. How was I supposed to deal with this? Could I not be happy with one? That answer was simple. Not while the other was miserable.

Alex crossed the threshold to join me seconds after I had sat. He passed me, kissing the top of my head before continuing on to the fridge. His carefree mood wasn't being dented by anything. At least the way I felt wasn't as plainly obvious to everyone else as I thought. My habit of wearing my heart on my sleeve was steering clear of this dilemma.

The others slowly trickled in too, all deciding that searching for easy food was better than making something. Boys, I thought. With my stomach still feeling like it was going to implode, I got up and pushed them all aside, telling them to sit down. I heard Jack come in, taking my empty seat. I tried my best to ignore his presence and concentrate on whatever breakfast foods sat in front of me to cook. I tried so hard that the pancakes were almost crisp thanks to my break from reality.

Skipping out on actually eating with the rest of them, I leaned against the counter with my arms still wrapped tightly around my torso. Matt attempted several times to get me to eat, but stopped when he finally looked up and saw the look on my face. I could deal with it being enough to get him to leave me alone. He appeared to be the only one concerned about me and my sudden loss of appetite. Everyone else spoke animatedly about last night, most everything that Alex and I missed. Finally, Alex must have realized my absence and he lifted his head to find me.

He got up, leaving the others to almost savagely steal his remaining breakfast. The smirk on his lips just might have been permanent. "What's up?" he asked once he was leaning next to me. He took one of my hands, uncoiling it from my body and lacing our fingers.

I simply shook my head, not trusting my voice.

Now his face fell. My mood went even further south, knowing I caused it. He pulled me now, away from the counter and toward the living room. No one else noticed our departure. He turned to face me the moment we were confined from anyone hearing. "Are you sure you're okay? You're regretting it, aren't you? It's my fault; I brought it up. It was so stu-"

My lips connected with his to cut him off. It was a lot nicer than me screaming shut up like I wanted to. "I'm not regretting it." At least not for the reasons he was thinking. "It's just weird. I feel the same, but completely different," I tried to explain. This was the truth, not just a good excuse.

Alex wrapped his arms around me, trying his best to comfort me. I didn't feel I needed it, but clearly words had failed him. I wouldn't know what to say to my statement. Why should he? Again, he kissed my hair and ran his fingers through the long locks. I sighed and melted into him, my worries completely gone for the time being. What a great distraction this boy was.

________________________________________________

The halls were buzzing with chatter of how great Alex's birthday party was on Monday. From some of the things I heard, I was glad that I had chosen to miss it. Rian gave me a play-by-play, telling me everything that happened after they had finished playing. The only thing that had my interest though was the news of Jack's entire bottle of vodka and the redhead he'd been attached to the rest of the night. Apparently, my lack of return of a smile did more than I thought it would.

A permanent stomachache took over my life. It got to the point where being with Alex didn't even take it away. It was ruining everything. I was ruining everything. My attitude towards everything was highly negative. I was even as far as hating Hadley to a point because she was the one who broke her promise to Jack and told me. She would never find that out though. Everyone was absolutely unaware to why I was so moody about anything going on.

Christmas passed quietly, which I was thankful for. There was nothing eventful. No screaming match like a bad family, no confrontation between the two boys I was pining over, no big party with my friends that topped the previous one. It couldn't have been better.

Hadley arrived days later for her New Year's visit. She was clueless to my thoughts. I would never let them show while she was around. It would be all too easy for her to read me. The two of us hadn't talked about what she told me. I was still the only one that knew I was in love with Jack Barakat.

There were no plans for a large party for the next holiday, and I demanded that there not be one. Parties still weren't for me and I didn't want to have to be part of another one so soon. It seemed to be Jack's turn for his parents to be gone, off to a party with their own friends. So we were going to gather the few of us there and leave it at that. Whatever happened after that was out of my hands.

For once, I drove myself, and Hadley rode passenger. It would be a lie for me to say that it didn't feel exhilarating to be rid of the boys for once on my way to see the rest of them. I didn't have to worry about hiding anything too deeply and I didn't have to put on an act of being fine for my boyfriend. I could just blast the same Early November song over and over and sing along with my best friend. For a fifteen-minute car ride, I was buoyant.

Of course I didn't get to keep it. Jack's house put fear and worry right back into me. I was glad that it didn't get stronger as we approached it and entered, just stayed at the same intensity for me to barely handle. Loud music was coming from the living room, the familiar voice of Andrew McMahon taking over my ears. I smiled through my pain, remembering: Jack's future husband.

Hadley led the way, apparently already knowing it. They were spread between the living room and connected kitchen, alcohol of choice already in hand. The sun was scantily down, but they were ready for the night. Jack and Matt were dancing in their seats at the kitchen counter, waving their arms around. Rian and Kara were laughing at some joke Zack had just told. Alex hopped up from his seat on the wooden floor where he was playing some video game to greet us.

His smiling lips touched mine. "Hello there," he greeted without pulling away.

My smile was, unfortunately, forced this time as I parted from him. I had to lick my lips to rid of the rum that had rubbed off. "Hey," I replied. I looked to my side to see why he hadn't given salutations to Hadley, and saw that she was already talking away with everyone else.

Alex took my hand and led me to the couch Rian, Kara, and Zack weren't occupying. "Are you excited for tonight?" he asked, a wink following behind.

I snorted. "Maybe," I said suggestively, knowing his direction.

His smile grew wider before we settled in for the long night.

I may have been the only one without enough alcohol in my system to see double. My walking was defined by some stumbles, but the others named a seat and weren't moving in fear of hitting the floor. I grabbed myself a can of soda, pressing the cool aluminum against my forehead while pouring another drink. Alex was in the exact spot I left him, head against the arm of the sofa. When I sat, I nudged him and handed the plastic cup over. He sat back up and gave me a weak smile before setting his drink on the end table beside him.

"Are you all right?" I asked, concerned. I drowned everything else out to listen to his answer.

"I will be," he replied, and then pointed to the bathroom.

Understanding, I helped him to his feet and dragged him down the hall. The bathroom lights were already on, casting our shadows behind us. I let him slide down in front of the toilet.

"I'm sorry," he managed out before he heaved into the porcelain.

I pat his dark hair down, kissing the top of his head lightly before exciting the bathroom to leave him be. He'd call for me again -if he didn't decide it was a suitable place to sleep- when he was ready.

Instead of joining everyone else again, I sat on the stairs. The sounds of whatever band was performing on MTV for the night drifted out to me. The others were talking excitedly, their speech slurred and high-pitched. It was almost time.

"Where's Alex?" someone questioned, hidden behind the railing.

I jumped, startled, and looked around to see who had spoken. Jack continued down the hall and rounded the staircase to face me. "Lurking?" I inquired. He shrugged, a smirk playing on his lips. "He's in the bathroom, puking," I answered, pointing back where he'd come. "He chooses the best times."

Jack sighed and sat down next to me, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. "Have big plans?" he asked.

I couldn't help but let out a soft snort. "Just a kiss at midnight," I informed him. "But not in his drunken state."

He opened his mouth to say something, but shouts from the living room stopped him. They were starting the countdown.

The heavy sigh that came from me made him avert his eyes from behind the railing. He stared at me, seeming to listen intently to the ball drop. I, on the other hand, couldn't hear a thing. The only thing I comprehended was Jack coming closer.

Our lips connected, warming together. We lingered for a few seconds before he pulled away and got up, starting down the stairs. "Happy New Year, Clarke," he whispered before continuing back to everyone else.