Serenading Sirens

My mother was complaining. This didn't happen often, and it was even more of a rarity that it was about me. But she was livid about my outburst in Micro. She had had to leave one of her own classes to drive to my school and talk to my teacher and principal. I just couldn't find one bit of me that cared. She didn't know the half of it and I wouldn't bother telling her. The wreck was already a forbidden topic because they hated what had gotten me into it. My parents were just short of forbidding me to see Alex. That's where it went back to them not understanding.

I didn't really pay attention to what she was saying. My head nodded robotically when needed, I made noises when appropriate. Alex's name was brought up more than once. It just wasn't enough to keep me from focusing completely on chopping vegetables. And that was probably for the best because the knife in my hand could have done some serious damage to my unsuspecting fingers.

"Clarke Elizabeth!" my mom shrieked. I blinked hard before turning to her. "Are you even listening to me?" She tried so hard to keep a calm facade, but it was crumbling before my eyes.

"Yes, mom," I told her. "Don't worry about any of it. I just wasn't fit to go back to school today. And you don't have to bother with telling me to break up with Alex." It was so impossible to tell when I was going to start crying today. It had been on and off since the moment I yelled at Alex. This was just another moment.

With a deep sigh, I walked passed her to get to my room. If she didn't understand why I was putting distance between us right now, then that was her problem. I wasn't in to explaining my feelings. No one was going to get this out of me, least of all, my parents.

I was just rounding the corner on the landing of the stairs when the doorbell rang. Whoever it was was out of the range of the windows on either side of the door. Then a reflection caught, a flash of red. Alex. I couldn't help but hesitate. It had only been a few short hours since school. Why would he be here?

The stairs made the loudest clunks ever as I made my way back down them. Wiping my face clean of tears, I opened the door and came face-to-face with him. He didn't look too much better than myself. I let the door open and started up the stairs again, letting him follow at whatever speed. He was right behind me to enter my bedroom. Neither of us wanted to start the conversation. We sat across from each other and stayed silent for what felt like days.

Then he was clearing his throat, running his fingers through his thick, dark hair. He let out a shaky breath before he actually spoke. "I'm sorry," he said lowly, looking me directly in the eye. "I should have been there when you woke up."

I nodded quickly, not letting him continue. "Yeah, you should have. You should have been there the whole time. At least to tell me there was no more us," I scolded him, not finding anger or grief.

He nodded now in agreement. "I know, I know. I just... wasn't sure. This situation has never been presented to me before."

Alex paused, now looking anywhere but at me. I didn't jump down his throat this time. Whatever he had to say, I wanted to hear it. He was genuinely upset, and it hurt to see him that way. The silence went on again, giving him all the time he needed.

"Please, Alex," I whispered when I was sure I would explode from the anticipation.

He looked up at me, his eyes shining with tears. He'd never been so vulnerable around me. "I'm not used to something like you and I have... Had. Whatever. And to think that I could lose you because of my best friend, and then because of the crash. I just snapped. I couldn't see you like that and that's why I didn't come to see you. But I know now that it was the wrong decision because I lost you to my first fear anyway," he explained, trying to hold back on emotion. "It wasn't because I didn't care, though."

Here was another time when I couldn't tell I was starting to cry. It wasn't until he was done talking that I noticed the wetness streaking down my cheeks. "I wasn't going to pick," I said, my voice thick. "I don't know what I was going to do, but I was never going to be able to choose between you and Jack. But you weren't there, Alex. I opened my eyes and found Jack. It was nice to have one of you there, but it wasn't my boyfriend. I can't say that I was thrilled. Of course I cried, and I had to lie to Jack about what it was about. You guys are so much alike, and I'm glad that at least you two can remain together." I was just rambling with my major point gone, but I got out most of what I wanted. "Stupid, stubborn boys." I laughed through my tears.

Alex chuckled, too, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Yeah," he nodded. "That's how we all are." He crawled across the bed to meet me in the middle. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close.

I didn't hesitate to snake my own arms around his torso. He was so familiar, so comfortable. He was better than anything I'd known the seventeen years before I knew him.

"I do love you, Clarke. And I'm so sorry I fucked this up," he whispered.

"I love you, too," I murmured against his shoulder.

That was that. There was no more Alex and Clarke relationship further than being friends. I wasn't sure how to get over it. Like Alex had said: this situation had never been presented to me before. There's only one way to fall with love, and that's definitely not out. I had a while to go before Alex was no longer a large part of me. But he had made sure to tell me that he was happy that Jack would be the next boy, if it had to be anyone. So now I just had to work on it.

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I had no clue when I was going to see Jack again. Even if I wanted to, I wasn't going back to school until my mother was convinced I wouldn't have another psychotic episode. Jack himself had basically said that he wasn't coming back until I told him that Alex and I for sure were done. I had to cross my fingers that I was seeming stable enough for school before the end of the week.

I was back to my channel flipping. Today it was in my own room and simply because there was nothing on. My choices were Dora the Explorer or CNN. It was safe to say that the TV was off after the fifth run through. I got up to search for a movie to watch. As I passed the window, something caught my eye and made me retreat the few steps back.

All day I'd been in bed and hadn't kept a close look at the weather patterns. Now I saw that it was snowing lightly, barely sticking to the too warm ground. Amongst the flurries and melting ground was the brown and blonde haired boy I had wanted to see since the moment Alex stepped from my house. I crossed the foot or so between myself and the window and pressed my palm against the glass to stare down at him.

He was leaning against his car, contemplating action in his head. Clearly, he wasn't noticing me thirty feet above his head, and that was okay with me. I liked watching the internal struggle making its way to the surface. In every way possible, I hoped that he decided to come in. I didn't care that he was missing school again to come see me, or fight with himself about seeing me. My mother relaxing in the living room at this moment was irrelevant. He just needed to be in my room for me to be content again.

After a few minutes, my hand was still on the window. It was too cold to really move, but I wanted to keep it there in hopes that maybe he'd notice anyway. Then, he looked up. His eyes met mine through the distance and he smiled. I returned one immediately, even wider than I thought was possible. I waved him up, not caring what he had decided. I hurried to silently get down the stairs to sneak him through the house.

"Hi," I whispered up to him when I opened the door. The cold air sweeping through the threshold didn't even touch me. I was too happy that he was here, the boy who was sure to be mine.

"Hey," he smiled, reaching out to wrap his cold hand around my warm one.

I shivered slightly but didn't pull away. I led him up the stairs, trying my best to keep the both of us quiet. The moment my door was shut behind us I threw my arms around him. The same familiarity as Alex gave me filled my senses, but it was even more comfortable. Something I had gotten used to and let happen so much sooner. He chuckled lightly and his arms found their way around me.

We didn't speak, and that's the way we both wanted it for now. I let myself memorize him like I had done with Alex so many times. Jack smelled slightly of cologne, topped off with a hint of a spicy scent that I was sure had something to do with his mother's cooking. His arms were just the right length to cradle me against his chest and his shoulder seemed to be made for me to lie my head on it. How perfect.

"I'm glad you came," I finally said. It pierced our silence, sounding too loud and out of place.

Jack lifted one hand and began to pet my hair where it fell against my back. "Me, too," he replied softly. "I'm glad Alex demanded that I come over here today, no matter what."

"Were there threats?" I questioned with a little giggle.

"My guitar was going to get a grave as well as my position in the band," he told me, amused. "I would have come even if that wasn't at stake," he admitted, then kissed the top of my head.

I looked up at him. "Girls love to hear that they're more important," I said.

"But there's only one girl that I think is more important." No more exchange was needed than that. He leaned down slowly, pressing his lips to mine.

I slipped my arms around his neck and made sure he wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't going to get away from me like he had been so good at doing up until now.

In two days, one thing ended and another began. They both intermingled with each other for the time being. For now, I was going to have to deal with that. Eventually, I would be happy to be pulled in only one direction when the other finally came to a dead end. How long that was going to take, I wan't sure. I couldn't think about it now though. All I could comprehend was Jack's kiss.