Serenading Sirens

Graduation came and went for all of us. It was difficult to figure out how I made it through without some big breakdown. It was as if since I had everything I wanted ahead of me, I couldn't just force myself to be happy one hundred percent. Because to look at it thoroughly, I wasn't getting everything I wanted. I knew that Jack and I were separating, and who knew for how long. My love would be locked up inside me while he was gone all summer, and then I'd be leaving too.

I didn't tell anyone about my worries. And that was why it was surprising I didn't freak out. It all built up inside of me, but it never came out. There was never a chance for it to want to, to need to burst out. On top of my fears, I was still unbelievably and overtly happy. The cause of the hidden emotions was really a great thing. I was going to college. I could never complain about that. And despite where I may be going, I still got to spend most of my time with Jack.

After prom -and getting my acceptance- the boys had the couple weeks off until graduation. I never left Jack's side, as he didn't leave mine. We'd sneak to each other's house at night and not return home until morning. I was at every band practice every day. We didn't leave the other's hand empty for longer than a few minutes when we were at parties. Maybe it was because I knew and he didn't that we only had this short time left together, but I felt our love flared in those two weeks. I was pretty sure he felt it, too.

Hadley was back, staying with me until the boys left. Why I couldn't let her know about how I was feeling, I wasn't sure. I just blamed it on the fact that I wasn't in a horrible enough mood to vent to my best friend. She wouldn't have needed to hear it anyway, being just as jubilant with Zack now.

Parties seemed to be the place to be every and any night since school had let out. I wasn't sure if the guys were technically invited to each, but they were always welcome and greeted warmly. Hadley, Kara, and I were with them for each of them. I was glad that I knew and talked to most of the people at all of them now. I usually found myself on the couch though, sitting with Jack while we soaked up our time together.

I sat in his lap tonight, so we didn't take up unavailable room, my head on his shoulder and facing Hadley. We were all laughing, the subject long forgotten. That probably had to do with the almost-empty red plastic cups in each of our hands. It was a good time though, and we weren't going to change that.

I was the first to catch my breath, a few insignificant giggles escaping as I sat up to kiss Jack's cheek. I was even more lovey tonight. They were leaving in the morning.

Jack's hand was on my knee and he squeezed it lightly while he and Hadley finally composed themselves. He puckered his lips then, and I was more than happy to oblige.

After a few minutes, Hadley interfered. A disgusted sound came from the back of her throat, but I could tell she was only joking. "I'm going to find Zack," she declared. "Get some action of my own," I heard her mutter as she paced away from the couch.

Jack had heard to. He broke from my lips, laughing again lightly.

I didn't let chuckles consume me, though they definitely fought hard. I paid close attention to his laugh, committing it to memory for however long I would go without it. When he caught me, I ducked my head to settle against his shoulder again.

His arm tightened around my waist some. "Are you tired?" he questioned, nuzzling his nose in my hair.

I smiled and shook my head. Sitting up again, I drained my cup and set it on the table next to us. "Just drunk," I admitted when I turned back to him. Now I giggled, completely involuntarily. I wished I wouldn't have drank so much. I was sure this wasn't how I wanted to spend this last night.

Jack nodded in agreement, and leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling.

Once more, my head found his shoulder. I didn't know how long we'd been here. That's only because I had no idea what time it currently was. We had gotten here while the sun was still heading toward the west, and it was well below the horizon now. Whatever time it was, early or not, I could tell we wouldn't be sleeping at all. So it didn't matter how many drinks I had. I still wanted to be sober more than anything as I thought of this.

There were people surrounding us everywhere. Most of them were well acquainted with us and they approached to talk to either of us. But something about the way we were sitting there made them rethink. Maybe I was glaring and repelling them. Or maybe we really did look like a couple that shouldn't have their moment intruded upon.

"I love you," I murmured as this realization hit. I moved one hand to caress his neck.

Jack lifted his head at my words, catching my hand and holding it against his skin. "I love you, too," he breathed before leaning in to kiss me again.

Of course it would get ruined. I should have predicted that.

The couch bounced as someone threw their body into Hadley's previous seat. Only one person would do this, and it would be because he was drunk beyond his point. My eyes peeked up to confirm my suspicions. Alex smiled back at me, looking as if he were only there to creep.

"Yes?" I inquired, pulling back from Jack more.

It didn't feel weird to be intimate in anyway with him in front of Alex now. The latter boy so obviously had a purpose for interrupting us though.

Jack sighed quietly and dropped his hand from mine to rest on my knee again. He clearly just wanted his best friend to go away so we could continue. I was happy to say this was the only animosity between them.

"Matt told me to come find you guys," Alex announced, not noticing Jack's small rebuff. "Everyone else is waiting." He got up then and offered me a hand.

With a roll of my eyes, I gripped his fingers in my own. Jack helped me up, pushing lightly. I hardly wasted time in letting go of Alex's hand and taking Jack's with my other.

We followed behind Alex as fast as we could through the bodies.

"Where are we going?" Jack asked once we were through the front door. We were heading away from the house, toward where the van had been parked.

"IHOP," Alex replied over his shoulder. "Just to sober up before we leave."

I couldn't help but pout. That meant they were leaving in a matter of a few hours. I should have kept better track of time.

I leaned against Jack's side as we walked along the sidewalk. Now that the time was evident in some way to me, sleep fought against my conscious mind. It wanted to win. But I needed these precious minutes with my boys, and I wasn't going to let it win.

Hadley bounded forward before we fully made it to the van. She nearly knocked Alex down in the process. Whatever she was doing to keep her awake, she needed to teach it to me.

Without a word, she took my free hand. She towed Jack and I along and shoved us into our seats. I scrambled onto Jack's lap again as she pulled Zack in after her.

Rian drove, and I was thankful. Due to his blasting of Set Your Goals, I was nearly wide awake. I was alert enough by the time we got out minutes later.

My fingers laced with Jack's of their own accord while we made our way into the bright lights. We were the laggers of the group, a good ten feet behind Hadley and Zack. Once the strong smell of pancakes hit my nostrils, my drunken state almost disappeared with my sleepiness. I couldn't wait to sit down and consume more carbs than anyone ever should.

No one talked much. Whether it was because they were tired or tipsy or sad they were leaving soon, I wasn't sure. Jack and I shared a plate full of blueberry pancakes. I ate slowly, trying not to look like the psycho I felt and pushing most of the fluffy, golden cakes on Jack. The silence was too much for me to take. I had spent a while this year being quiet. I didn't care if they didn't think that was enough.

"Aren't you guys excited?" I questioned, pushing food around on the plate. I was pleased to find all of the boys grinning when I finally looked up.

"Of course we are," Rian responded for the five of them.

"This is our dream," Zack accentuated so the rest of us would get the full effect.

Alex nodded in agreement. "Yeah, and Matt's just riding on our coattails," he added.

Matt punched his arm, but laughed along with everyone else.

This was how it was supposed to be. They had no trouble after that continuing to joke with each other and talk.

I smiled and lay my head on Jack's shoulder as I listened to them. He lay his on top of mine, finding my hand under the table.

I had planned to tell him that I wouldn't be here when they got back. I had thought it over and over in my head. The words rearranged themselves every time I was left alone to think, which wasn't often now. And that fact just made it harder. Being with him made it tough to even think about breaking his heart like that. Besides moving and the two of us not being together, I didn't think of the future. I couldn't. Because I knew in the long run, it would probably hurt him worse.

An hour or so later, we found ourselves in front of my house. We had dropped Kara off first, and drove slowly to this street. We were all on the front lawn, hidden by the van by anyone who may happen to pass by. Saying goodbye had become increasingly harder the more time we spent together tonight. We just wanted to continue conversations, eventually venture to my room to sleep. It couldn't happen. They had a huge adventure to endure today.

"All right, guys," Matt called, though he was among the circle of us. His eyes were locked on his phone, counting hours in his head.

Hadley's frown matched mine in seconds.

I threw myself forward, wrapping my arms around Matt first. "I'm so glad I met you, Flyzik," I told him as we embraced. Would he, or anyone else listening, notice the double meaning behind my words? I went around to the rest of them without thinking about that, hugging them tightly.

Alex kissed my hair, whispering in my ear. "It's been a fun year, eh?" he asked.

What did he know?

I nodded, not voicing my thoughts. "It's been fantastic. Thank you," I murmured back for only him to hear before I pulled away. I smirked at him and he shot one right back. Still friends through everything we'd done.

Jack was the last in my line for obvious reasons. The other boys were joking around now, hugging each other and fake crying, telling each other how much they'd miss one another. I blocked them out to give all my focus to this task.

The sun was making its way over the horizon. Pinks and golds streaked across the sky in the sudden light, bathing us all in the colors. Instantly, the chilled morning air was warmed by the change. My arms were around my boyfriend in the same second this all happened.

"I love you," I choked out around the sudden tears springing to my eyes. I buried my face in his neck.

Jack forced me to face him, almost having to pry my hands from around his neck. His eyes were shining. "I love you, Clarke," he said clearly. After that, he wasted no time pressing his lips to mine.

A sweet departure we would have, at least.

They were in the van ten minutes after Matt had declared it was time to go. They all waved at Hadley and I before pulling out. We waved back the whole time they continued down the street. My hand didn't stop swinging back and forth even after that. A result of grief.

Hadley was removing tears with the pads of her thumbs. She was much more composed than I was. "You didn't tell him, did you?" she asked, taking my waving hand in one of hers and bringing them down to our sides.

I sniffed, shaking my head. My other hand slid into the pocket of my jeans, my fingers curling around the crinkled notebook paper inside. "No. I couldn't find the words," I told her.

At the top of the paper were the words Dear Jack. Underneath, thirty-two lines waited for the letter I didn't write him.