Serenading Sirens

It was like nothing had ever happened. I began to wonder if I hadn't just been jumping to conclusions about Alex forgetting about me. His arm didn't leave my shoulders the entire time we talked with the others and some guys I had never met. It tightened every once in a while, making my heart leap into my throat. I caught myself staring at his face each time this happened, just to see if maybe he was intoxicated. But all I found was a wide smile as he peeked back at me out of the corner of his eye.

As far as I could tell, he was genuinely happy that I was there. Was it just because I was another audience member to make him some money? He had to have known that Jack just gave me the ticket. Maybe it was that I was another person to cheer them -or mostly him- on. There was only one other choice to me, and I just didn't think that it was possible. That he was happy I was there simply because I was me. I could admit that maybe I was wrong about him losing interest. But I just couldn't think that he was content just for me.

Alex introduced me to the guys that I didn't know. They were just one of the bands that were playing before the guys. The exception was the one that was intently talking to Rian. Alex walked me right over to the two of them and introduced me directly to their closest friend.

"Matt, man. This is Clarke," he said, that permanent smile of the day getting just a little bigger.

Matt's face brightened with recognition, his eyes bulging slightly. "Oh! Hey, it's nice to finally meet you," he greeted me.

So I'd been a topic of discussion. I couldn't say that I was surprised.

I lifted my hand in a small wave. "You, too," I replied. I automatically knew what rule he was beginning to play in their career thanks to the many conversations I'd had with Zack.

I was eventually let go to wander around as I pleased. Alex though didn't let me stray too far from his sight. I barely noticed this.

He suggested that we watch the first bands from side stage. I jumped at the idea, but I couldn't help to speculate where I would be for their set. All Time Low were hometown heroes, and they were definitely not a band that I wanted to observe from the side of the stage the first time seeing them. I needed the full effect like from any other show I had been to. Mentioning it to him just didn't seem right. It felt awkward for me to talk to him now that I had the chance.

Thankfully, I didn't have to.

Alex turned to me halfway through the last set before them. I was well aware of his eyes on me, so I turned to him. "Do you wanna go out and claim your spot?" he asked once we were face-to-face.

I nodded, words failing me. It was ridiculous that I hadn't spoken one word to just him all night.

He grinned and pointed out the way to get down to the floor. "I'll be looking for you," he said before he sent me off.

Color filled my cheeks as heat took over the rest of my body. The smile that I concealed wasn't one that would go away.

The floor was crammed with people, mostly girls from what I could see. They all paid little attention to the band that was on. Their arms stayed crossed over their hoodie-clad chests. I felt left out without mine and almost wished I hadn't left my purse backstage. A worse fear I had than not fitting in with the crowd was not getting to the front like I wanted for Alex to see me. The only people that didn't have their arms crossed were the girls that were squeezed in against the stage.

Fourteen-year-old girls were definitely the worst to work away from cute band boys. But these weren't just any band boys now. It was easy to tell in my bones that All Time Low were now my boys. I don't know why I considered this to be true, but I knew that it felt right. That's all that I really cared about. And it was also all it took to push my way through the throng of girls and to get my arms to rest on the stage.

I breathed a sigh of relief in knowing that I was right where I needed to be on my new Saturday night.

I thought it had taken me only a few minutes to reach my goal. But before I knew it, the lights were dimming again and the music between sets fading. My heart was beating even faster than when Alex had hugged me. Nervous is all I had been since waking up, and now it all seemed pointless. The heat that covered me now was due to the intensity rather than embarrassment of any kind. The excitement that poured out of me was radiating off of every person in that crowd.

Then finally they were there, three of the four boys that it had taken me all but two weeks to love. It was too dark for them to see me there, front and center. Nevertheless, it would just be a matter of time. I knew this when I saw the fourth running out, skipping about before turning his back to the stage. Alex. The crowd roared around me as he finally stepped up to the mic, and I was surprised to find that I was yelling along with them.

Seconds before his lips let out the first words of the song, he looked right down to me. He hadn't had to do much scanning, and this pleased him. That all too familiar wide smile spread on his lips, showing his teeth as he sang.

Luck loves me not tonight
I'm running out
This four leaf clover's all but useless now

And in those few minutes of the first song, I declared it the best show I had ever been to. It may have had something to do with the looks Alex was throwing me. I was completely willing to give it to the antics that all four of them were pulling. Jack ran around several times to kiss each of their cheeks, he and Alex saluted each other once, and Jack was very enthusiastic to make sexual gestures toward Zack.

I knew that I wasn't the only one there that knew them, sharing classes. Yet all of this I appraised to be funniest and most special to me. How selfish, I knew. I definitely couldn't help these thoughts.

Euphoric didn't seem to be enough of a word to define how I felt by the time they finished. I worked my way back through the audience in a daze, wondering how I was going to fight my way to the merch table where they said they would be. Luckily, someone caught my elbow on my way. I looked over to see one of the people I needed. Zack led me through the fans that seemed to part like the Red Sea. It was hard to avoid some of the glares that got thrown my way. They made me all that more smug.

Each of the boys greeted me properly once I was behind the table with the sweatiest and tightest hugs I had ever gotten. I giggled with each one. Once they were through with me, I kept my distance against the wall. The fans from our hometown were more important at that moment than anything, especially me. It felt good to at least be part of this.

Before the club staff demanded that everyone clear out that wasn't in a band is when I had my self-proclaimed epiphany. Until the time we graduate -and often after that- each of us is told we belong somewhere. If we're not told that, then we at least believe it for ourselves. I had figured that if I did belong anywhere that I had already found it. I pictured myself as forever the loner that would do what made her happy. This night had changed that for me. I enjoyed every part of it, including watching Alex, Jack, Rian, and Zack get the praise they deserved. I belonged somewhere among them. This was enough to shock me. I trembled as I thought about this. Of course, I was too entranced by it that I didn't even realize my body was shaking until it was pointed out.

Arms were wrapped around me again, from behind this time, more sweat on top of the previous and my own. This was a lot softer than before, an embrace rather than a hug. I already knew who it was, so I wasn't surprised when Alex asked, "Are you cold?"

Him holding me like this made me quiver a bit more. My accidental actions were a contradiction to my words. "No, I'm all right," I tried to tell him.

He chuckled as he saw right through me. "I'll go get your stuff," he promised as he unwrapped his arms.

I looked away as he walked off. This was not normal, and I wasn't sure how much I liked it. I wasn't used to such signs of affection, if that's even what that was. My brain was so mixed up that I couldn't even nail my denial down.

Was there a point to doubts anymore? Undeniably, Alex had not given up his feelings for me. I couldn't lie that I was over the moon about this. Well, maybe not that excited. I wasn't sure I was capable of that much. The main problem to me though was how I would go about this. This was going to make me more awkward than ever before.

The time to think about it ran out quickly. Alex was soon back, my purse in one outstretched hand. I hadn't noticed that Rian had been gone also, but he came trotting up behind his friend. Alex seemed distant again, but hardly as much as the entire week. I couldn't help but think as to why before Matt spoke up.

"Where's the party tonight, guys?" he questioned, stacking boxes on top of one another. I hadn't noticed he had been packing merch up. I was angry with myself for becoming self-absorbed and not helping.

Jack shrugged. "We got a couple offers. I think I'm gonna sit out tonight," he played it off like it was nothing. His gaze flickered to me for just a second. This had four others traveling to me.

"Are you in, Clarke?" Zack asked, taking the step that the rest were too scared to. He made his way to stand next to me and let his arm rest across my shoulders.

I only pondered it for a moment. The night had to be cut somewhere. My lack of party experience was the main concern in this one. "Not tonight," I replied, an apologetic smile on my lips. I attempted to come up with an excuse as to why.

"Jack can take you home then," Alex offered before I had a chance. He already seemed to be in the full party mode he was famous around school for.

Jack nodded in agreement. "Just let me help pack up first. Then we'll be off," he told me.

I waited out of the way on the edge of the stage. I sat back on my hands as I studied the empty club. The boys behind me yelled and joked around, and I listened intently. After all, I'd decided that this was part of my life now. I only had a hope that they would accept me like that without me having to ask.

It didn't take them long to finish. Jack was tugging me up in excitement in no time. I hugged each of the boys again, including Matt this time. Another friend in such a short time. Alex lingered a little, but as if suddenly remembering something, he jumped back after a minute.

"Goodnight," he smiled yet again.

I bid goodnight to all of them before following Jack out the door.

The night air held a chill and I was glad that I had brought my hoodie as I pulled it from my purse. Jack turned the heat on in his car for me, though he seemed comfortable with the temperature. The ride was mostly silent at first with the exception of the music and the big yawns I let out every few minutes. He caught them each time, making him chuckle at the end of his own.

When the music wasn't enough to satisfy the silence for him, he spoke. "Alex was kind of direct tonight. From all of us for him, we apologize," he said.

I just stared at him, not sure of what to say to that. I settled with, "It's... all right?"

Jack smiled, finding it humorous. "We all know that you're a little uncomfortable with all this attention. You said it yourself the first day of school to Alex. If he was coming on too strong, we weren't sure you would say anything. And you kind of just seemed lost when he hugged you after the show," he explained. Did my face really give me away so much? "So I'm taking it upon myself to apologize for him in the future," he now declared.

I let a small giggle slip before I thanked him. It wasn't clear how much longer I would need those apologies from him.

"Well, here we are," he informed as we pulled into my driveway. "G' night, Clarke."

"'Night, Jack. Thanks for the ride," I replied as I opened the door and placed my feet on the blacktop.

"It's no problem," he assured me. "We'll call you tomorrow to see if you wanna do anything."

I nodded, "Sounds good." I then shut the door.

He had no idea how much I was counting on that.