My Life As Sienna Brown

It was Monday afternoon, and instead of being at Barnes and Nobles earning this month's bills- I was standing next to Jacob's incubator, looking down at his tiny sleeping body. Frank and Mikey both had classes, and unless I wanted to sit around the house all day by myself, I needed to find something to do.

Jacob stirred in his sleep and suddenly, the image in a bade coming down on him entered my mind, making me cringe. What was wrong with me? Why did I feel so alone.

I shivered, rubbing my arms for comfort as I observed the small baby. I wondered just how many times Mikey had been down here to see him since he was born- and I had a feeling it wasn't very often. I understood where Mikey was coming from- he was in a difficult situation, trying to complete his schooling, and dealing with Heather's death. But I couldn't help but have the sense that he was being a tad irresponsible. I was well aware of the fact that we felt awkward with the entire ordeal, and he went away to school to dodge it all. But, he has it just as bad as the rest of us! Leaving Heather's parents to take care of their grandchild wasn't the answer to his problems. This child was all that was left of her, and he shouldn't be dogding the fact- he should be embracing it.

Suddenly, a nurse came up beside me and told me I needed to leave. Jacob had a series of tests he needed to take part in; to be sure that he was healthy and well. So I didn't argue, I walked away down the hall. Suddenly a semi-familiar figure appeared: my family doctor.

"Hello Sienna, what are you doing here?"

"I just... I came to visit someone," I stated.

His eyes shifted down to my belly, making me want to cover up and hide in shame. His eyes looked up and locked with mine. "How long," he asked.

"Almost three months," I said quickly.

"Have you had a checkup lately?"

I shook my head.

"An ultrasound?"

I shook my head once more.

He smiled, "Come with me. I don't have any appointments this afternoon. I can show you your baby myself."

The thoguth highly intrigued me and I argued against it willingly, but he took my hand and led my down the hall to a small dark room filled with machines.

***

The machine was pressed against my bare skin, which felt goopy with gel.

"So Sienna- How have you been? Are you taking care of yourself?"

I nodded, muttering, "I'm trying to."

He looked up kindly. "Who's your partner in crime?"

"Frank Iero... You probabaly don't know him."

"I know who that is- I tended to his broken arm a few months ago."

"Oh."

"So how does your mother feel about all of this," he asked, moving his gaze to the screen beside him.

"She disowned me," I stated sourly.

He looked up at me with a look of disapointment or sympathy before smiling and stanting, "Look- There's your child."

I faced to small television screen and looked at the black and grey fuzz. A small difiant spot stuck out.

"That... Right there," I asked scaredly.

He nodded. "And that little thing moving right there; That's a heartbeat."

"Ohmygod," I choked. "Stop. Stop right now," I asked kindly, feeling slightly lightheaded as emotions once again began to overwelm me.

"Okay... Hold on a second, Sienna." He patiently unplugged me from the machine and wiped the stupid goop from my skin before handing me a handfull of papers.

"What's this," I asked.

"These are pictures of your baby."

I took them, as much as I didn't want to look at them and flipped to the next piece of paper; a brocher. "And what's this?"

"It's a support group, Sienna. Just read it. And if you ever need any help, they'll be there. And so will I. That's why the next sheet is an appointment next month. I'd like to help you out throughout the next couple months."

I nodded, not feeling in the mood to argue as I walked out the door and rushed down the hall, my face hot as tears burned my cheeks.