My Life As Sienna Brown
Part 20
Frankie's POV
I heard a small noise behind me, but ignored it, knowing everyone in the house was asleep. It must have been a bird or something. Just like I'd seen a figure at Anna's window... but I'm tired, I must have been seeing things.
"Frankie?"
Shocked, I jumped, then settled down after realizing it was only Anna. "What are you doing up?" I asked, continuing to look ahead.
"I heard you come out here," she said and came to sit next to me. "So I followed you."
She was staring at me, but I still continued to look ahead... I couldn't look at her right now.
"Have you slept at all tonight," she asked.
I could tell she was trying to make conversation and replied after a moment or two.
"No, I couldn't sleep, I've been thinking about things." I looked down, then searched around in my pocket for the comforting package of smokes I always kept there. I pulled one out, held it between my fingers for a few moments before I finally stuck it in my mouth and pulled out a lighter after a few seconds and feeling the satisfaction I needed to keep myself sane. I watched her shift her weight on the step. It was bothering her; I knew it. Maybe it was the way she suddenly broke her concentration from me, to the opposite way and fidgeted her fingers in her lap. I tried to change the subject from what was happening with me, to what was happening between us.
"So are you going to tell me what Heather said about me," I asked.
She shook her head, continuing to look the other way.
"Why not? I thought friends aren't supposed to keep things like this from each other," I stated, trying to get past the wall she was building towards me.
"Yea... it's just, I don't know... Frank, can we just talk about something else?"
"No, we can't. You know... whatever this is that we're hiding, it's ruining our friendship." Wow, I sounded like Oprah.
"I noticed," she said tiredly.
"So... are you going to tell me?"
"No," she said.
"We're excluding each other," I taunted.
She turned to face me and smartly replied, "Then if we can't keep excluding each other, tell me what you're hiding first."
She knew I wasn't going to, she only said that because she knew it would allow her to weasel her way out of telling me what her secret was.
It was quiet for a while, we were both awkwardly thinking of something to say. I came up with this after so many minutes of thinking. It was something that had been bothering me for the last little while. "How are you so cheerful all the time? I mean... I know you've got a lot of stuff to think about. How can you go through every day like everything's okay?" For the first time in a long time, I was quivering. Shaken by the thoughts I so heavily decided to immaturely smoke away.
She was shaking too. It took me a while before I finally realized she was crying. "I can't believe I'm telling you this," she whimpered. "It's all pretend. The cheerfulness, the jokes and smiles... their all hiding how I really feel, I guess. I mean... after a while, what the kids at school say take a tole on you... knowing that my mom... my own mother, doesn't care... it does not make me feel good. You know what I'm talking about. And look at the two of us- we're wrecks! We used to be so close and now everything is weighing down and we're ripping apart, I never wanted that to happen. I mean, I'm so angry... at my parents, the kids at school, my parents, Heather... myself... and even you." She looked up shamefully. I wished more than anything, that I could take away the pain and tears... all of it. This kind of emotion should never come from good people. I wiggled in closer, getting interested in the subject.
"And it hurts even more to know that Heather- what Heather says... is true. But I want so badly for things to just work out the way I want, and I don't- I'm so afraid of losing everything."
I huddled on closer and threw the finished cigarette in the pavement. I tucked her hair behind her ear and put my mouth close to it, watching as the small goose bumps rise on the back of her neck. It meant she was slightly uncomfortable; I was invading her personal space. Then, I whispered, "Are you afraid of losing me?"
I heard a small noise behind me, but ignored it, knowing everyone in the house was asleep. It must have been a bird or something. Just like I'd seen a figure at Anna's window... but I'm tired, I must have been seeing things.
"Frankie?"
Shocked, I jumped, then settled down after realizing it was only Anna. "What are you doing up?" I asked, continuing to look ahead.
"I heard you come out here," she said and came to sit next to me. "So I followed you."
She was staring at me, but I still continued to look ahead... I couldn't look at her right now.
"Have you slept at all tonight," she asked.
I could tell she was trying to make conversation and replied after a moment or two.
"No, I couldn't sleep, I've been thinking about things." I looked down, then searched around in my pocket for the comforting package of smokes I always kept there. I pulled one out, held it between my fingers for a few moments before I finally stuck it in my mouth and pulled out a lighter after a few seconds and feeling the satisfaction I needed to keep myself sane. I watched her shift her weight on the step. It was bothering her; I knew it. Maybe it was the way she suddenly broke her concentration from me, to the opposite way and fidgeted her fingers in her lap. I tried to change the subject from what was happening with me, to what was happening between us.
"So are you going to tell me what Heather said about me," I asked.
She shook her head, continuing to look the other way.
"Why not? I thought friends aren't supposed to keep things like this from each other," I stated, trying to get past the wall she was building towards me.
"Yea... it's just, I don't know... Frank, can we just talk about something else?"
"No, we can't. You know... whatever this is that we're hiding, it's ruining our friendship." Wow, I sounded like Oprah.
"I noticed," she said tiredly.
"So... are you going to tell me?"
"No," she said.
"We're excluding each other," I taunted.
She turned to face me and smartly replied, "Then if we can't keep excluding each other, tell me what you're hiding first."
She knew I wasn't going to, she only said that because she knew it would allow her to weasel her way out of telling me what her secret was.
It was quiet for a while, we were both awkwardly thinking of something to say. I came up with this after so many minutes of thinking. It was something that had been bothering me for the last little while. "How are you so cheerful all the time? I mean... I know you've got a lot of stuff to think about. How can you go through every day like everything's okay?" For the first time in a long time, I was quivering. Shaken by the thoughts I so heavily decided to immaturely smoke away.
She was shaking too. It took me a while before I finally realized she was crying. "I can't believe I'm telling you this," she whimpered. "It's all pretend. The cheerfulness, the jokes and smiles... their all hiding how I really feel, I guess. I mean... after a while, what the kids at school say take a tole on you... knowing that my mom... my own mother, doesn't care... it does not make me feel good. You know what I'm talking about. And look at the two of us- we're wrecks! We used to be so close and now everything is weighing down and we're ripping apart, I never wanted that to happen. I mean, I'm so angry... at my parents, the kids at school, my parents, Heather... myself... and even you." She looked up shamefully. I wished more than anything, that I could take away the pain and tears... all of it. This kind of emotion should never come from good people. I wiggled in closer, getting interested in the subject.
"And it hurts even more to know that Heather- what Heather says... is true. But I want so badly for things to just work out the way I want, and I don't- I'm so afraid of losing everything."
I huddled on closer and threw the finished cigarette in the pavement. I tucked her hair behind her ear and put my mouth close to it, watching as the small goose bumps rise on the back of her neck. It meant she was slightly uncomfortable; I was invading her personal space. Then, I whispered, "Are you afraid of losing me?"