My Life As Sienna Brown

Just then, his mother appeared in the doorway with a tray of soup and crackers and other little things scattered across it. "Oh, you're up. Do you want something to eat?"

"No."

"Frank, you'll get sick if you don't eat, common, just try some soup," she offered, holding the tray out to him as he sat down.

"No- I'll get sick if I do eat it! I'm not hungry, and frankly, I'd rather get sick by starving!" His mom put her head down and went quiet.

I looked at him with a stupid, angry look on my face. "Frankie, she's just trying to be nice, what's the matter with you? Apologize- she's your mother."

"Fine," he turned to her. "Sorry, I'm just in a really bad mood. I don't want to be here."

She looked up and smiled, like any mother would, "It's alright honey, I understand."

"I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"Frankie, it's alright. It's going to be alright, they're going to let you come home as soon as possible."

"I know. But... oh never mind." He kind of smiled lamely and everything was quiet.

And I hated how they had Frank on an IV, because it was making him drowsy and he kept sleeping. All I wanted was to talk to him- sit here with him and talk.

But like I remember Frank saying before- people like us never get what they want.

***

"Do you want me to give you a ride home," Frank's mother offered from the doorway, jingling her keys in her hand. It was getting late. Almost eight o’clock, and I was yet to eat anything.

"No thanks. I'm going to stay here for a while."

"Sienna, you really don't need to. He'll be fine. There are doctors here watching him, there are nurses watching him, and there really isn't anything to do."

"Really, it's alright, I just want to sit here."

"Alright, fine, I need to go and run some errands," and she turned on her heel and headed down the hallway.

I sighed and sat silently for the next little while, playing memories through my head for company when there was a light knock at the door and the sound of someone clearing their throat.

With my back facing the door, I assumed it was a doctor or nurse coming to check in on him, but after a second knock, I turned around and saw a familiar figure standing in the doorway- long, black, greasy hair falling in heavy wisps across him face.

"Can I come in?"

I smiled, "Yea, common in Gerard."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked up, pulling the chair closer, so that the arm of his chair, and the arm of mine were both touching.

"What's up," I asked him.

As I observed him, I noticed how he was leaning forward, so all his hair was in his face, he was fiddling around with his fingers in his lap and sort of rocking back and forth. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing... I just remembered I never came in here last time. And I wanted to apologize... for what I said outside earlier. I didn't realize what an asshole thing to say that was."

"What do you mean? You never said anything. It's alright."

"Oh. Well... I knew you'd be here. I thought maybe you'd want some company or something."

"Listen, Gerard, are you okay," I asked, trying to get a glimpse of his face.

"I've just been thinking lately."

"About what?"

"Lot's of stuff. It's boring. Just never mind."

I gave a fake but friendly smile and put my hand on his shoulder, "Common, you listen to all of my boring problems, I'm sure yours can't be all that bad."

"Well they are- they're stupid."

"Common," I smirked.

He sighed, "Alright."

"It's just... my life seems so pointless right now. It feels like there's so much more to live for, and I'm missing out on it. You guys all know what you want to do with your lives. You know what schools you want to go to. What career paths you want to take. And it's something you guys want to do for the rest of your lives. You all know that when you're older- you want to get married, and have children and your own house, and a good life. Mainly, you know you want to be happy, and you guys are doing whatever you can to make sure that's going to happen.

Not me. I'm a college screw up who will never make up their mind about what they want. I like this whole drawing thing- I'm good at it. But I'm not sure about it... I just have this feeling inside that's like, 'This is so pointless'. And... I'll never... I’ll never have someone who cares about me. I'm complicated... I'm weird. No one likes a freak. And even if they did... I'd be too afraid of... hurting them. Everything I touch, I ruin. I'm going to be a lonely eighty year old man one day- if I even last that long."

I frowned, "Don't say that- that's not true. You're a wonderful guy- you're just having second thoughts about the job thing, it's not a big deal. I'll bet that after I'm finished school I'll have the same thoughts. It's a job, something you want to be happy doing for a long time- of course you'll have second thoughts.

And the whole girlfriend thing- it's stupid. We're all young, and I'll bet all these little romances probably won't even last until after college. With you-you think it through more. You want to make sure that when you do find someone, it's someone you will get along with, and be able to love for the rest of your life. Everyone has had to have had that run through their head at least once. It runs through my head every day. Just wait Gerard Way, ten years from now- you are going to be the happy one. You’re going to be the one with a successful job, and a family who loves you and everything else in between. It's okay to feel unsure and strange, but just remember, you're not alone."

Suddenly, I felt him arms wrap around me, and after the shock settled in, I smiled warmly. Gee wasn't usually one for hugs. "Thanks Anna, you're the best."

I hugged him back and let go. Even through the long speech I had just given him, there was still a frown on his face. There was something he wasn't telling me. But Gerard was one of my closest friends, next on the list after Frank, if he had something on his mind that he wasn't telling; it was something he wanted to keep to himself. I respected that in him and left the subject.

But, being such a close friend, Gerard could sense the awkwardness now, and after almost half an hour of silence, he asked, "So... how's he doing?"

"He's alright... like I told you already- two of his ribs are broken. His arm is fractured. He's got a few stitches in his head and he might have a concussion. But he can't be all that bad, because they took him of the IV earlier. I think they might let him out tomorrow... they're just keeping him around because they want to keep an eye on his head."

"Well... that's good," he said. “What about you, are you doing okay,” Gerard asked.

I nodded and smiled.

"Well... if you need anything... or just want to talk or something, just call. On the phone. And I'll answer. On my cell phone. Alright? I got to go, Talk to you later." I waved as he headed out the door and down the hall. I was alone once again.