Painful Lullaby

"I'm gonna go get some fresh air, okay?" I asked, more to myself, and got up and left the small room. The stress was making me claustrophobic. I practically ran down the stairs in anticipation as I realized what was waiting for me on the table.

I grabbed the pack of ciggarettes and the lighter and headed outside. I pulled one out of the pack and smoked it quickly. The feel of it between my fingers was instantly calming. I finished it, and pulled out another one. This one I took my time on, talking slow drags from it. I heard the door open and I turned and looked. Jag was staring at me with a disappointed look on his face. I turned back around and tried to quickly finish the ciggarette.

I felt Jag's arms wrap around my waist.

"I thought you were quitting," he stated, dissappointment thick in his voice. I took a deep, shaky breath. Just say it already.

"I'll stop when you will," I said, my voice cracking.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, but he wouldn't look into my eyes anymore.

"I seen you this morning."

"I seen you, too."

"I seen you without your shirt."

I could hear his quick intake of breath, so I knew I'd gotten to him. I took another drag from the ciggarette and ground it into the pavement.

"I also heard you in the bathroom," I continued.

"What, when I was in with Adam?" he questioned. He now sounded betrayed.

"No, when you excused yourself after I made you breakfast," I said. Now I really wondered what went on in there. There was tension between us, I could feel it. He wouldn't say anything. He'd removed his arms from my waist and was hugging himself, looking at the ground.

"Look, if you're mad at me, I can leave now. I can make all my friends leave, too. It doesn't matter," I offered. He just shook his head. I watched him, my mind racing. I just took a deep breath and steadied myself. I closed my eyes and waited for him to say something.

"I don't know if this is gonna work right now," he whispered. I couldn't believe my ears.

"What?" I asked. My voice was so quiet that even I could barely hear it.

"This probably isn't gonna work, not right now at least. I need to figure some stuff out. I don't know you, Roxie. I don't even know your last name. I don't even know if you're lying to me about your parents. I just don't know." Jag mumbled. I knew I was crying. No, scratch that, I knew I was bawling.

"Fischer."

"Excuse me?"

"My last name is Fischer." I sobbed. He just looked at me apologetically. I went back into the house, back into his room to pack my things. He followed me the whole way. I could hear Panic At The Disco playing from the computer room. Suddenly, I stopped crying. I was calm.

But it's always calm before a hurricane.

I seen Jag had already washed my clothes and put them on my bags. I shoved them in along with the other things that I'd gotten out. I wiped my tears from my face. Jag was watching me from the doorway. I collected myself and went into the computer room. I danced with my friends and acted as though I really had just gotten some fresh air.

Soon enough, everyone started to file out. Adam was the only one left there, so I got up and went into Jag's room. Jag followed me there. I gathered my things and stopped in front of Jag.

"If you ever figure out that stuff or want to know me better, I'll be around," I said, my voice was strong and steady. I quickly walked out the house, not giving him enough time to say goodbye.