Painful Lullaby

When I woke up, my head was spinning. I was alone in Jag's room, but where was he? Then the memories of last night hit me, smoking pot and drinking. Ugh. I was so ashamed of myself. I never wanted to get up, never wanted to face Jag. God, he must be so pissed off at me, I was so fucking stupid. And with that thought, I started crying. No, not sobbing, but silently. I buried my face in my hands and hoped that this would smother me so that I wouldn't have to live anymore. So that I couldn't make stupid mistakes anymore.

The smell of pot smoke and alcohol on my clothes suddenly became overwhelming, making my stomach lurch. I gagged and could feel vomit rising in my throat. I jumped off of the bed and ran into the bathroom. I threw up into the toilet, then groaned. I flushed the toilet and turned on the sink. I cupped my hands, letting them fill with water before I poured it into my mouth. I rinsed my mouth out, then spit the water into the sink. I wouldn't look in the mirror, I knew that I looked like shit.

I left the bathroom and dug through my bags, searching for some clothes that weren't vomit inducing. I found a black My Chemical Romance t-shirt that I got at their concert, a black pair of skinny jeans, and a black The Used hoodie. I was in a dark mood today. I changed quickly, taking the dirty clothes and putting them in a separate bag. I yanked a brush through my hair and plastered my eyes with black eyeliner. I looked dead. It was perfect, seeing as how it supported my mood.

Taking a deep breath, I walked down the stairs quietly. I didn't want to startle Jag, especially if he was sleeping. To tell you the truth, I didn't want to talk to him. I was fearing it.

Faggot. I bet he hates you now.

I knew that was a possibility, but I shook the thought away. There was absolutely no noise coming from downstairs. I looked around cautiously, finding Jag fast asleep on the couch in the living room. I decided that I wanted to go for a walk, so I went into the kitchen and grabbed the piece of paper and wrote Jag a message:

Jag,
I know I was a stupid bitch last night. I don't ask for you to forgive me. I'm going for a walk to think about what to do, because honestly, I don't know what to tell you or how to talk to you. I'll be back soon.
Roxie.

I left the note beside him on the couch and grabbed my iPod off of the table. I turned it on and put the ear buds in as I walked out the door. I started playing My Chemical Romance and turned it up as loud as my ears could take. I started listening to the music, my mind drifting off into thought.

__________

"Roxie?" Someone called. I opened my eyes, the first thing that caught my attention was the setting sun. I internally cursed, I should have been back by now. I turned to see who had woken me. It was Bryce.

"Hey Bryce, what's up?"

"Well, I found you asleep underneath a tree. Did you Jag have another fight?" His concern was audible.

"Nah. I just went for a walk to think about what I was gonna say to him, and I guess I fell asleep out here," I stifled a yawn and stretched, "I should probably get back."

"I'll walk you back. If it gets dark, it could get dangerous," Bryce offered, helping me up.

"Alright," I said. Bryce looked worried. "You okay?" I asked him.

"Just some shit happened," he replied vaguely.

"I've been found to give good advice. If you want to tell me, I mean," I offered him. He ran a hand through his hair.

"Well, you know Kori and I are together, right?" He asked me. I nodded. "Well, before I knew her, Brandy and I kinda... had ...sex. And now she's pregnant and I don't know how to tell Kori."

"Well, just to let you know, a lot of guys get trapped in Brandy's web. And by 'web' I mean between her legs. She's been with Jag. She told me that Jag was the father, but it could also be Alex's or even some other guy's that we don't know about. I wouldn't worry too much. About Kori...I can't help you there. But I don't advise telling her unless it's absolutely necessary," I told him. He nodded.

"You are good at giving advice. And you make it entertaining," he smirked at me. "Is it true that you're pregnant?"

"Yeah," I told him. It was no longer a problem telling my friends.

"So you did it at Veronica's?" He seemed amused by this.

"Yeah, we did," I grinned at him.

"Well, we're at your house. Or Jag's house. Whatever," he said, "You want me to vouch for you?"

"That would probably be best," I said. I was worried now. God, I hoped that Jag wasn't mad at me or anything. Bryce opened the door and walked in, followed by me. I could hear the TV from the living room, so Bryce and I followed the sound. He opened to door. Jag was sitting on the couch, watching TV and clutching the note that I wrote him in his hand.

"Hey, Jag. I found Roxie at the park. She fell asleep," Bryce said. Jag jumped at the sound of Bryce's voice.

"Oh, thanks for bringing her home," he said.

"Later guys," Bryce said, waving goodbye to us. I was too busy meeting Jag's intent stare, nervously anticipating what was coming next. As soon as the door closed, Jag's lips crashed to mine, kissing me deeply. He pulled away and pulled me to the couch.

"Roxie, where are the drugs getting you?"

"They're getting me farther away from you. And pretty much everyone else that I care about," I whispered. I felt like a child at school who was scolded for something.

"That's right. Now, I've got something for you," he said. My heart raced faster, getting nervous all over again. He pulled out a box and handed it to me. He made a motion that I assumed meant to open it. I did and found a ring. It was silver with little blue jewels in it.

"I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm asking that you quit the drugs and alcohol and cigarettes and all that other shit. At least while you plan to stay with me," he said.

"O-Okay. I'll quit," I whispered, still in awe over the beautiful ring that sat in the box. Jag lifted it up and put it on my ring finger. I was dazzled by it's simple beauty.

"Good. Now seal it with a kiss," he said, pointing to his lips. I smirked and kissed him, but pulled away quickly.

"What about you? Do you swear not to be with anyone else?" I asked him. He lifted up his hand and pointed to the small silver band on his ring finger.

"I promise not to be with anybody else. And I promise to help you take care of our baby," he said.

"Okay, well, seal it with a kiss," I said, pointing to my lips. He didn't smile or smirk, he just kissed me gently.