Perfect Denial

Dana stirred feebly, someone was calling her. She tried to lift her arm but she couldn’t. It was too heavy. Someone was speaking to her softly…a familiar voice…the voice she loved.

Dana became confused as her subconscious swirled. What was going one? Where was she?

Finally, she was able to open her eyes. She blinked once, twice, three times and looked around the white room where all she could hear was the beeping of many machines. Was she in hospital?

She couldn’t remember anything…what had happened to her? Or more importantly what had she done to herself?

She looked to the right of her hospital bed and jumped when she saw Bill sitting down close to her. His head was in his hands, and he was rubbing tired eyes. He hadn’t seen she was awake.

He looked up and gasped when he saw her blue eyes staring at him quizzically. He shot up, wrapping his arms around her and pulled the startled girl into his grip

“Oh Dana! They said you would wake up…I knew you would…oh thank god…”

Dana struggled against the boy for a few minutes before pushing him away gently “I need to breathe Bill…”

“Oh…right” Bill sat back down on the hard bedside chair and looked at her warily as if afraid she would suddenly relapse.

She looked back at him and then down to the hospital sheet, playing with a hole in it with her finger for a moment. She started to remember…to remember everything.

Bill broke the silence “Why…why did you do it Dana?”

She looked at him again, hurt apparent in her eyes “Do what Bill?…I don’t even know why I’m here…one moment…I’m falling asleep and now I’m waking up in hospital…”

Bill shook his head furiously “You didn’t just fall asleep Dana! You overdosed!…why didn’t you tell anyone…we could have helped you”

“I don’t need your help Bill….”

He flinched and looked away from her, upset and hurt…he had been hoping that maybe she would stop being mad. That maybe she could forgive him for what he had done…for what he had made her.

Dana sank back into the bed, exhausted and tugged at the drip in her arm thoughtfully. She looked back at Bill, who was staring at his hands on his knees and she sighed

“Bill” he looked up and she couldn’t stand the confusion and hurt in his eyes anymore. He had hurt her…he had hurt her more than she thought possible but she wasn’t going to resort to revenge. She didn’t want to keep feeling the denial and pain…she wanted to move on…or at least ease the hurt.

“Bill…I..I didn’t mean to…to overdose…I swear…I just took too much…it won’t happen again.”

Bill made a movement as if to grasp her hand but she slid her hand under the sheet. She wasn’t ready for that just yet..

“Dana…Gustav…he told me that you have a problem…with…with pills. I want to help…but I understand now if you don’t want to talk to me anymore…or even be near me.”

“I’m sick of hurting Bill…!” and he stared at her, shocked at her outburst “I don’t want to keep feeling for you…I have to move on…and I’m going to Bill…I will move on…but that doesn’t mean I can’t talk to you or that I won’t talk to you”

“I’m sorry Dana…I’m sorry for what I did…you’ve got to know that”

She shook her head “It doesn’t matter now Bill…what’s done is done and we just got to deal…” her voice was almost a whisper…

She managed a smile and looked across at him “I’m sorry for being a bitch Bill”

He laughed “I’m sorry for being a royal bastard”

Dana hesitated for a moment and then held out her weak hand “Friends?”

Bill took her hand in his. Resisting the urge to hold it longer than necessary and smiled “Friends…”

Dana dropped her hand and looked at Bill. A glimmer of her old smiling eyes was back and Bill couldn’t help but feel overjoyed. His Dana was returning…little by little.

She looked towards the door and back to Bill “Is Gustav out there?”

Bill nodded “Yeah…and Cody”

She smiled wider “Can you get them please?”

Bill nodded walking out to the waiting room where Gustav and Cody were huddled on chairs. Gustav was biting his nails nervously and Cody tapping his feet off the ground, trying to ignore his shaking hands.
They looked up at Bill with wide eyes as he approached but visibly relaxed as he smiled “She’s awake…I’ll tell the doctor. She wants you guys”

Cody raced into Dana, almost jumping on her, grabbing her face and kissed every inch of it he could reach. Dana squealed loudly and laughing shoved Cody off her, but held his hand as he bent in to talk to her. Gustav looked from Dana to Bill “Is everything okay with you now?”

Bill nodded “Yeah…I think so…we’re…we’re friends”

Gustav smiled relieved “Thank god…I was wondering if I’d have to start choosing between you”

Bill chuckled “You would have chosen me of course…you can’t live without me Gustav”

Gustav rolled his eyes, slapping Bill on the back as he passed “Yeah…whatever helps you sleep at night Kaulitz”

Bill watched for a moment as Gustav walked in and hugged Dana closely. She yawned and smiled as Cody and Gustav started to fuss, pushing her back down on the bed and patting her pillow. The sound of her laughter filtered out to Bill again and he smiled before walking away, ready for restful sleep.