Perfect Denial

“Bill, please just pick a colour already!”

Bill frowned, biting his lip softly with his top teeth as he looked at the pictures of flowers in front of him. Finally, he lay a finger across the image of a deep purple rose, arranged in a bouquet. “I like the purple.”

Dana sighed in relief and nodded, marking it down on the notepad in front of her, “Thank god for that-”

“But, I also like the white…and the black. The black are cool…and we should try to add silver into something.”

Dana’s face twisted in stress and impatience and she quickly crumpled up the paper beneath her pen. Bill blinked in surprise as the balled up piece of paper hit him on the eyebrow and he rubbed it, frowning at Dana. “What was that for?”

Dana rolled her eyes, and thumped her head down onto the kitchen table. “Bill, last week you were set on lilies, now it’s rose…I think you’re forgetting I’m the one carrying the bouquet! I’m the one organising bride maid’s dresses, centrepieces, everything. All I really need is your approval.”

“I thought you wanted my opinion!”

Dana turned a death glare onto her fiancée, “Bill…why can’t you be like a normal man, and just nod in agreement to what I’m saying. Most guys don’t care about this stuff and just want to keep their future wives quiet. But no, you have to insist on fucking silver roses, that do not even fucking exist!”

Bill tried not to laugh at the look on his fiancée’s face. She was worrying about the wedding, which was in six weeks. They didn’t want a long engagement, far from it. Dana wanted to be answering to Mrs. Kaulitz as quick as possible. She had wanted this for years. She’d pushed herself deep into the wedding arrangements in the last two months, and Bill was happy to see her focusing on the wedding, rather than the loss of the baby. That dark period had passed them, they had survived it and now they had a long future together, holding hands along the way.

Bill’s lips lifted in the corner as a smile started to spread across his face, and he knelt down in front of Dana, who stared at him solemnly.

He took her hands in his and kissed them, “If I was a normal guy, you wouldn’t want to marry me. I’d be far too boring.”

Dana sniffed, turning her face away, “Who says you’re not boring now?”

Bill smiled, and kissed her cheek, allowing his lips to graze down to the corner of her mouth, tickling her slightly. He could feel her mouth twitch slightly but she still wouldn’t look at him.

“Come on Mrs Kaulitz, you can have whatever flowers you want.”

Dana smiled then and looked at him, “I’m not Mrs Kaulitz yet.”

Bill laughed, and caught her lips in a kiss that made her breathless for a moment. “But you will be,” he whispered, “soon.”

He grabbed his phone from the table, slipping it into his pocket and called out to Tom who was playing playstation in the next room. They had a television interview, where no doubt Bill would be asked a hundred and one questions about his upcoming nuptials.

“I’ll be back soon, love you.”

Dana grinned, “Love you too.”

Bill turned before he left the kitchen, “Perhaps silver ribbon?”

“Get out!”

~

Dana hummed to herself, as she flipped through another bridal magazine. She still hadn’t found her dress. She had tried on hundreds already but none of them were perfect. Her father, had known about the engagement before she even had said yes. Bill had rang him to ask permission, and Dana couldn’t wait to see her father again, to give her away to her husband. Caroline, Gustav’s girlfriend and now one of Dana’s closest friends was bridesmaid and throwing away tradition, Cody was another bridesmaid, sans dress.

Dana’s phone began to ring, the tune obnoxiously loud in the otherwise silent kitchen and Dana checked the Caller ID before answering. She smiled, flipping her phone open and raising it to her ear;

“Hey babe, what’s up?”

The sound of heavy sobbing filled her ears, and Dana’s immediately sat up in her chair, “Cody? Cody, what is it? What happened? Are you okay? Is it Ruby?”

Cody continued to sob and managed to find time and breath to start talking, “Oh Dana, it’s…it’s Lesley! We broke up!”

Dana sat back in shock, Cody and Lesley had always been perfect together, so in love, so in sync all the time. Lesley was Cody’s world…and now Lesley was gone, just like that.

“Cody! I’m..so sorry. Where are you? I’m coming over!”

Cody shook his head as he walked down the street and realised Dana couldn’t see him, “No, I can’t stay in the apartment. Too much memories, clothes, DVD’s, even the dog. Can I come over to yours…I just, need someone right now.”

Dana sighed, “Of course Babe.”

The doorbell rang less than ten minutes later, and immediately after opening the door, Dana was engulfed into a hug and had Cody crying heavily onto her shoulder. She shushed him, rocking her best friend back and forth as he cried from a broken heart, leading him into the living room, setting him on the couch and making cups of hot chocolate. She covered him with a blanket, he was cold from walking, and ran a hand through his hair in comforting gestures as he talked.

Dana nodded understandably, and comforted Cody when needed, finally laying beside as he fell into an exhausted sleep on the couch. She rubbed her thumb over his hand which was linked with hers and shed a tear for her friend, her Cody. She could feel his pain, she loved him and watching him hurt, pained her. She wished there was something she could do, call Lesley, try and talk sense into him. But would that work?

She sighed, resting her head under Cody’s arm so it fell around her shoulder and as she listened to his heartbeat thump rhythmically inside his chest, she felt her own tired eyes droop and she fell into a restful sleep.

~

Bill came home less than an hour later, and he sensed the calm quiet in the house as he unlocked the door. He frowned, thinking it was odd. Tom wasn’t with him, and had gone for a drink with George. He stepped through the hall into the kitchen where he noticed Dana’s notebook laying open, not much added to it since the time he had left earlier.

He heard gentle snores and laughing to himself he peeked into the living room, where he saw Dana asleep, curled up close to Cody, also asleep.

Bill stood there, looking down at the scene in front of him and something strange clutched his heart. He hadn’t felt it in a long time, but it was strong as he looked at Dana, and Cody’s arms wrapped around her sleeping form. It was jealousy.

Bill would never call himself a jealous person, but seeing his future wife, asleep beside someone that wasn’t him, sent a hot rage over his body. He felt like grabbing Cody’s slight body and shaking him until his head rolled from his shoulders. He felt a need of possession, a need to inform everyone Dana was his and no-one was allowed to touch her. That he had already claimed her.

He realised his hands were balled into fists and before he could do something stupid, he turned back to the kitchen and began to pretend to make coffee for himself. He banged the presses shut loudly, and with satisfaction, he sae Cody jump awake out of the corner of his eye.

Dana felt Cody stir beneath her, and she also woke up, blinking sleepily and yawning. She looked up at Cody, and then as she looked at his devastated face, remembered what had happened with Lesley. Her face fell in pity but she smiled supportively to her friend as he gathered his jacket, saying he needed to face the empty apartment sooner or later.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Dana whispered, noticing Bill’s form in the kitchen. She found it strange he didn’t come in to say hello to Cody.

Cody nodded and gave Dana a tight hug, “thank you,” he whispered, “for everything. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Dana nodded and saw Cody out. She walked quietly back to the kitchen, smiling at Bill, who didn’t smile back. His eyes were dark and something flickered in her stomach. Something was wrong.

“Why was Cody here?” Bill asked gruffly, looking down as he began rummaging through the shelves.

Dana sighed, running a hand through her hair, “He and Lesley broke up. Poor thing, he’s devastated. I don’t know what he’s going to do. Lesley was the love of his life, still is.”

Bill huffed to himself, “Yeah I’m sure, he’s devastated.”

Dana made a face at Bill, “Bill…what are you talking about?”

He turned to her, shrugging his shoulders carelessly, “I don’t know. You two looked pretty cosy in there when I came in. He came here for comfort did he?”

Dana’s mouth dropped open as she realised what Bill was suggesting and her emotions quickly turned livid, “Bill, you better not be suggesting what I think you are? I’m engaged to you and you think, you think…with Cody!”

Bill shrugged, placing his hands down on the counter and staring at Dana straight in the eyes, “You were with Aaron when we got together.”

Dana backed away from Bill, her eyes cutting daggers through him, “I can’t believe you. You think I’d cheat on you. You really think that. After everything we’ve been through together…and I can’t believe you’d bring Aaron into this. I fell in love with you Bill, you’re my soulmate and if I had never met you, I would still be with Aaron today because you were the only reason I would walk away from him. It was you that made me realise who I was really meant to be with….”

Bill realised he’d made a big mistake. He’d been so wrong, and allowed jealously to control him. He shouldn’t have said that about Aaron, he shouldn’t have said anything!

“I’m..I’m-”

“Just don’t Bill!” Dana shouted, “You’ve made it perfectly clear you don’t trust me!”

She turned to walk out of the room, and then turned back, “And by the way, Cody’s gay!”

Bill was left embarrassed as she stomped upstairs, and he made and ate dinner in silence, only briefly talking to Tom when he came in. Tom, sensing something had gone on, quickly excused himself away from any landmine areas and disappeared, leaving Bill to walk slowly upstairs to Dana.

She was in bed, as he undressed and crawled in next to her. He hesitated, before moving closer to her, and wrapping his arms around her, pulling her into him. She resisted for only a moment, pausing her attempts to break free as he began to whisper in her ear.

“I’m sorry Dana. I shouldn’t have said that. I do trust you, I trust you with everything, it’s me I don’t trust. I don’t trust myself to hold onto you, I’m so afraid I’ll be stupid and lose you, I’m terrified. I’m scared that you’re going ton realise you deserve someone so much better than me, and leave me alone. I’m afraid of watching you walk away, I’m afraid of being in a future that sees me waking up alone, rather than waking up beside you…forgive me, I’m sorry.”

Dana turned, so she was facing him, her nose touching his, as both heads rested on pillows. He could see her face in the dark, and a small smile was on her beautiful, flawless face. “I love you Bill…and you’re the only person I want to wake up with.”

Bill smiled, wrapping his arms around her, “so you’ll still be my wife?”

Dana laughed in the dark as he began to kiss down her neck, and tickle her legs with his fingers, “I don’t want to be anything else.”