Blood Soaked Black Rose

“Oh my God.” Aiden breathed. He held me tightly, stroking my hair. He was so sweet. He held me until I stopped crying. I pulled away and wiped the tears off my face. I looked at him. He ran his hands over his jeans. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered then hugged my brother.

“It’s okay.” Emery said. “Doctors can help him can’t they?”

“Yeah. Of course they can. Doctors are amazing.” Aiden smiled at both of us.

“You really think that?” I asked.

“I do.” He said nodding. He kicked at a rock that was stuck in the ground.

“Aubren doesn’t know. He’s been too sick with the flu.” I said. “He’s been sleeping almost 24/7.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing. He should concentrate on getting better.” Aiden said. I was standing away from him. I didn’t want him to comfort me. I had started accepting it. I didn’t want pity. Not from anyone. Especially not Aiden. He had a fucked up life anyway and he should enjoy getting adopted.

“Mhm.” I said then took his hands. “So…how’s the adoption going?” I asked kissing his soft lips. He looked at me with his pretty green eyes that made me want to give everything to him. Everything. We’d never gone all the way, but if I stared into his eyes, I would. He always stopped before it got to the point of shedding clothes. He said it wasn’t right. There was too much at sake. I didn’t particularly agree with him, but I respected his choice.

“Um, great actually.” He smiled and licked his lips.

“Can you come with me to my house?” I asked. I suddenly wanted to be home. I suddenly only wanted to hug my daddy. I missed how it was when I was little and we’d just lay on the couch watching some movie holding each other. We hadn’t done that since I was five. He said that I was to old for us to do that. People would say things, but I didn’t care. Let them talk. Let their sick minds run wild. I always felt the most comfortable with him hugging me.

“Uh, yeah.” He smiled. Why must this boy be so wonderful? Why must he have such strict morals and values? I was the only one of my friends who had never gone all the way because my boyfriend was Aiden who had the biggest reputation for his views. It wasn’t a good one. I took Aiden’s hand and then pulled my brother up. We walked in silence to the house.

Everything was still and silent. My grandparents were no longer in sight. Eddie was in the kitchen cooking. This was gonna suck. Daddy always cooked. Emery went straight to his room. I went to the kitchen.

“Hey, Eddie, what are you making?”

“Uh…good question. It’s one of your daddy’s recipes.” He showed me. Vegan food. Like my father, Mr. Meat, could make that. I smiled and picked up the stuff. Aiden helped me. Eddie stood back watching us.

“Wow…what kind of gay man am I, huh?” He let out a nervous laugh. “I can’t cook or clean or figure out what to put in my house to make it look nice. Hell, I don’t even know fashion. But Zakky…he…he’s…” Eddie broke down. Aiden looked at me. I went over and hugged him.

“It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. You don’t have to act like this isn’t big.” I told him. He looked at me. “I’m sorry okay? Let’s try for Daddy’s sake to get along?”

“Yeah.” He hugged me back then left to the backyard. Aiden was leaning against the counter.

“Hey, Krystal, I’m gonna go okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” I hugged him and he kissed me.

“If I can do anything, just tell me okay? I’ll do anything for you.” I nodded. I knew exactly what I wanted. What would happen if I asked?

“Can I go with to your house?”

“Yeah.” He smiled and held his hand toward me. I drove us to Matthew’s house. We went to his room after concluding that the two men there weren’t home. “What do you want to do?” He asked. He picked up his cell and smiled. “Just got it today.” He showed me where I was programmed in.

“Oh sweet. Here give me your number.” I handed him my phone and he put it in. He handed it back and put his cell back on the dresser. His room looked nice. Matthew and Scotty took him to get things for his room. I guess some of the stuff could have been Nevin’s. I smiled thinking. Aiden had wanted a little brother or sister forever. He told me and Emily we were lucky. He loved my brothers. Now he had one. “How are you getting along with Nevin?”

“Good. I love him already.” He smiled that sweet smile of his. “He’s really sweet. He skates too. We went to the skate park yesterday. It was amazing. He’s phenomenal.”

“That’s good.”

“So…what should we do?”

“Let’s makeout.” I smiled. He laid next to me.

“No objection here.” He smiled. We got really into it. He hadn't stopped me yet. We were both barefoot and topless. I was doing everything, but I was glad he wasn’t stopping me. Suddenly, he pushed me away.

“This isn’t right.” He whispered.

“Please Aiden? I really want to.”

“No. I think you should go home. I’ll…I’ll call you later ‘kay?”

“Fine.” I ran out of his house and got to mine so fast I hadn't let the tears fall. I walked in my front door as they began to fall. I’d screwed up. He wouldn’t call me. If he did, he wasn’t as smart as I thought. To call me would to say that he was wrong. I thought he was…but it was me who was wrong. I knew that. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s sweet, innocent Aiden. My best friend. My boyfriend. The love of a lifetime. Dad was on the couch and looked over at me.

“Are you okay sweetie?” He asked.

“I’m fine.” I whispered. “I just screwed up my whole relationship with Aiden is all.” He looked at me and pushed his blonde hair back.

“I know how that is.” He gave a nervous laugh. “I screwed up so many times…and the last time I thought he’d never take me back. He always did. Couldn’t live without me he always said. But who’s to say that he can live with me?” Tears escaped his eyes. I went over to him. I didn’t touch him just sat there. He never gave hugs like Daddy. Daddy could give me a hug and that sweet smile of his and I’d be fine. Perfectly content. Eddie never possessed that.

“Me. Dad…he couldn’t. Yeah, sure, he was happier when he was with Mattie. He still is, but he always talks about you. About how you’re his first love. You’re the person that made him realize his sexuality. You are the one that he had kids with. You’re the one that he cried so much for. You’re the one that makes him feel complete. Maybe you don’t give him room to breathe. Maybe you are responsible for so many of his problems, but it doesn’t mean a thing. He wants you and as long as he has you, he won’t be unhappy.”

“That’s sweet, but I know that. He’s told me so much. How can I be sure?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“What?” He asked wiping the tears away with the back of his hand.

“I’ve heard from a lot of people that having a baby hurts like hell.” He nodded and smiled.

“Zakky told me all the time when I’d get mad at him for feeling sick or crying because of the pain he’d get toward the end when he’d start having contractions so that he could get used to it. He’d say, you try it fucker, then he’d start sobbing and tell me to go away.”

“For the twins maybe.” I still felt bad about knowing that he wasn’t there when I was in my daddy. There wasn’t stories.

“No. I saw him a lot when you were inside him. I used to treat him like shit. I used to say, “God you’re so fat. Ew…it’s a good thing I’m not with you.” Yeah…and he’d cuss me out and one time he kicked me in his favorite place on me. Hard. Got a bruise that took weeks to go away. It's amazing that I could get him knocked up with the twins after that. When I went to get it checked out, they said I was sterile. Weird huh?” I felt something at those words. I knew that he wasn’t their dad. “But what were you gonna say?”

“Stop interrupting…gosh.” He smiled.

‘I will.”

“I wouldn’t have a baby with someone I wasn’t fully in love with. Don’t worry he loves you enough.” I kissed his cheek and went to my room.