Remembering Sunday

I pressed my nose against the cool glass of the sliding doors and stared down at the cracked streets. My hands rested atop my stomach, the spot they usually liked to place themselves. I felt my pulse beat against my hands, but sometimes I wondered if maybe my baby’s pulse was beating along with mine.

Ba-bump. Ba-bump.

I sighed, allowing my eyes to close for a mere second and let my mind wander. Seth appeared in my thoughts, his smiling face and his blue eyes lighting up as though he were looking at me. I wanted to hear his voice, but my thoughts were on mute as they focused on bringing pictures into my head. I could only imagine what state he was in at this point, but I didn’t want to go there. I fought numerous times throughout the day to keep those thoughts at bay, and it seemed to be working so far.

“Laura?”

My eyes opened to see the streets below me one again, at which I lost my balance and gripped the draw-back curtains for support. My mind spun as I remembered Seth wasn’t here, but back in his apartment, miles away from here. I turned around to face whoever had called me.

Oh. Billy.

“You alright?” he asked cautiously. “You’re crying.”

I lifted my hand and touched just below my cheekbone to find a warm streak of tears. Damn. I pulled my sleeves over my hands and wiped them all away, leaving dark spots on my clothes. I hadn’t even attempted make-up in days, so thankfully no black eyeliner was present on my sleeves.

“Yeah, just fine,” I muttered in reply.

“That’s a lie."

"What's it to you?"

Billy sighed and took a few steps toward me. I turned my eyes back on the outside world to avoid making eye contact.

"You've been here a few weeks now. Don't you think you ought to tell me what's wrong?" he asked.

I didn't reply.

"What about why you showed up here, completely drenched, with a bunch of luggage?"

"Stop," I said.

"Why? I've got questions, where's my answers?" he pushed.

"You're not getting any, Billy!"

"I deserve some sort of answer."

"You don't deserve jack shit."

I stormed off toward my room. I decided to bunk with Jeremy, but I turned down his offer to sleep in his bed with him. Instead I picked a luxury air mattress with one blanket and one pillow. I slammed the door shut behind me, locked it, and listened to the sound of Billy's footsteps parade up to the door. I dropped onto the gray air mattress and let my face fall right into the fluffly pillow.

"Laura, you're gonna have to answer me eventually!" Billy yelled through the door.

I ignored his muffled calls as I rummaged through my bag. Everything remained stuffed inside my duffel bags; I had no dresser to store them away in. I could hear Billy's steps fade away toward the living room, followed by the near slam of the apartment's door.

Eventually I found what I was looking for. I removed the slip of paper from my bag and stared at its contents, wondering if this was the right thing to do.

"You sure this ain't some sketchy dude's house?" Jeremy asked.

I shot him a look.

"Hey, just worried about you."

"Thanks, but she's a perfectly sane woman," I replied.

"Alright. You need me to pick you up later?" he asked.

"Uhm, I'll let you know, okay?"

"Okay. See you later."

I hopped out of Jeremy's Ford and stared at the simple, two story townhouse before me. My feet felt like two bricks were sitting on top of my shoes, keeping me plastered to the rocky sidewalk. The loud rumble of Jeremy's truck was fading away, which left me stranded here in this unfamiliar part of the city I lived in just days ago.

The thought that Seth was in an apartment not too many minutes away pulled my heart strings and cut them with razors.

I swallowed roughly and made my way up the sidewalk, up the steps, up to the door, and up to my only possible sanctuary. I hope they didn't think I was casing the house.

The doorbell chimed brilliantly after I pressed the small, glowing button; even though I was outside, I could feel its vibrations pivot throughout the house. It was only a few seconds later that the door opened just a crack, revealing a dirty blonde haired boy dressed in blue jeans and a tiny Carthartt jacket.

"Um, hello," I greeted sweetly. "Is your mommy home?"

The boy stared at me blankly, almost as though I had horns growing out of my head and an extra eye popping out in the center of my forehead. My nerves felt like static electricity running through my body.

"Oh, gee, hey!" Peggy greeted as she rushed down the stairs and to the door. "Laura, it's good to see you!" She scooped the boy, whom I assumed was Timmy, up into her arms.

"Hey, Peggy," I replied, a genuine smile creeping onto my lips for the first time in days.

"Please, come in." She stepped back as Timmy tried to wrestle his way out of her arms. I stepped inside the house, carefully closing the door behind me and soaking up the beauty of the interior.

The wood floor was sparkling and clean, not a crack to be found in between the panels nor a scuff from somebody's heel. Every wall was painted a light lavender and adorned with pictures of Timmy or the family as a whole, their Border Collie included. It was quite lovely and comforting, which was something that had been lacking from my life.

"So, how've you been?" she asked. Peggy was so chipper; her eyes were bright and gleaming, not a care in the world registering in her features.

"Uhm, good," I lied. Peggy raised a brow as she set Timmy on the floor. The three year old bolted for the living room to the left where Tonka dumptrucks sat waiting for him to fill the next load.

"You sure don't look it. You look like you haven't slept in days," she stated. I touched my face, wondering if it was really that bad. Make-up rimmed my eyes today, which was a small attempt at making myself look better than what I had become accustomed to looking at in the mirror.

"You could say that, I guess." I shrugged.

Peggy smiled a bit and nodded her head toward the hallway. "Coffee?"

"Absolutely."

"Ignore the mess in here. I haven't had a chance to clean," she said as we entered her country inspired kitchen. The cabinets hanging on the walls and dwelling beaneath the stove were wooden with a glossy stain finish while the white countertops were smudged with ketchup here and there. An island sat in the center of the kitchen, a white bowl filled with colorfully and neatly arranged fruit resting in the middle. Next to the sink was a small build-up of plates and glasses, but the overall kicthen was lovely. Peggy poured coffee into a forest green mug and handed it to me.

"There's cream in the fridge, and there's sugar over here," she replied as she poured herself a cup. I poured a bit of cream and sugar into my black coffee, watching the white swirls begin to take over and create a lighter shade. I took a seat at the island on one of the barstools and placed my coffee down gently. Peggy sighed in relief and turned to the island, her mug in hand, and sat opposite me with a friendly smile.

"It's not too hot, is it?" she asked politely.

I took a cautious sip. To my surprise, it was just the right temperature; not too cold that you just dump it down the drain, and not to hot to where your taste buds burn off your tongue.

"It's perfect," I said, taking a longer sip.

"Good," she replied, taking a drink of her own. "So, haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah, I know," I replied sheepishly.

"And you've got some news for me?"

"Yeah."

"I'm all ears."

I cleared my throat nervously, wondering if there was any easier way of saying it . . .

"I'm pregnant," I blurted. Peggy sat up straighter, at which I anticipated the same freakout my mother had bestowed on me. However, Peggy merely smiled and patted her belly.

"Me too," she said, happiness beaming from her.

"Congratulations," I said, forcing a smile. I was happy for her, of course, but she had tried for this. Peggy could handle the responsibility; she was married, already had one child, and owned a beautiful home to raise her family in. As for myself, I was bunking with my ex-boyfriend and his party-happy friend while a baby developed inside of me, one that wasn't necessarily planned.

"Thanks," she giggled. "But congrats to you, too, Laura."

"Oh, sure. Thanks." I smiled.

"I know, I remember what you said from the store. Don't worry, hun." Peggy slipped off her barstool and walked to my side, embracing me in a warm hug. "You're going to have the best gift you can possibly get."

Peggy pulled away from me carefully. I felt like I was her daughter; she was supporting me instead of ripping me to pieces. I instantly felt at home, but I knew I couldn't live here.

"If you're interested, I hold little get togethers now and again for expecting mothers," Peggy suggested. I winced a little at the word 'mother', knowing that was my fate in only a few mere months. However, I nodded eagerly, figuring the support group or whatever it was would help me.

"When do you think you'll hold the first one?" I asked.

"In about a week, maybe this coming Saturday around 2."

"I'll make sure I'll be there."

"Sounds great." Peggy smiled as she refilled my coffee cup. I nodded in thanks, quickly filling my cup with cream and sugar again as I fidgetted in my seat. I traced the rim with my pinky, watching the bit of steam fly from the mug and disappear into the air. Peggy tilted her head to the side, her lips slightly pulle downwar din a frown.

"What's the matter?" she asked softly as she placed her hand on my arm. I looked up nervously, wondering if it would be okay to confide in her. I breathed a sigh, took a long sip of my coffee, then turned my eyes back onto Peggy.

"I don't know what to do," I began. "I don't have a home anymore."

"Your boyfriend kicked you out?" she asked in alarm.

"No, no. He would never do that. I left him. I never told him why, so he's kinda sitting in the dark right now," I admitted. "I'm staying at a friend's apartment right now, but it's hardly by preference."

Peggy sat back, her eyes dancing in contemplation. She tapped the side of her mug with her nails, at which I expected the freakout again.

"I'm just . . . depressed," I murmured. Peggy leaned back toward me, wrapped her arms around me again, and squeezed me. My arms mechanically crossed themselves on her back, and although I was sure I was crying, I didn't feel any tears slip down my cheeks. We stayed in embrace a few moments, the house rendering a silence with the exception of a few car crashes in the living room. Peggy pulled back first and looked me in the eyes, her hands rubbing small circles into my shoulders.

"You need to tell him," she said quietly. "It's his baby, too. He has a right."

She just said the same thing Tracy did. I winced.

"I know, you don't want to, but if you hold this off, when he's ever gonna find out?"

"I don't know."

"Well, you're going to have to sooner or later."

"I know." I sighed. "I just want to be happy again."

"You will. You just have to give yourself time to heal, that's all. Once you have this baby, your life is going to change for the better." Peggy offered another smile, trying to ease my tension.

"You sure?"

"I'm beyond sure."

"Thanks."

"On a side note," Peggy began. "Have you thought of any names?"

"No, not a one," I replied. "I don't even know the sex yet."

"That doesn't matter. Just compile a list of names for boys and girls in your head, then narrow it down to your favorites," she said. "Oh! I've got an idea."

Peggy jumped down from her barstool and hurried away. I blinked in confusion, watching as she turned a corner and was gone. I finished off my second cup and pused it aside, remembering how my mother went on a rant when I was younger about drinking too much coffee during pregnancy. Apparently some study at the time proved it was okay to do, but who knew how reliable those scientists - and my mother - were.

"Here we go!" Peggy said as she rounded the corner, a book in her hands. She placed it before me, the big, fun, pink and blue letters of "Baby Names" popping out at me. A small, smiling and drooling infant on the cover with big brown eyes stared back at me.

"This book has every name you could think of, from Azalea to Zander," she stated.

"I don't think I wanna name my kid something that will get them beat up," I retorted with a snort of laughter. High school was not so long ago, at least for myself. I remembered the crazy named students getting their asses handed to them.

"Don't worry, there's plenty of simple names in there. It's got the meaning of the names, too."

"This is great, Peggy. I'll get it back to you as soon as possible."

"No rush, honey. Keep it as long as you need it."

I smiled and skimmed the pages. I stopped in the middle of the 'A's, a certain name catching my eye.

"Adam.
Meaning: Of the Earth."

"Did you have a good time?" Jeremy asked as we pulled up to the complex and parked in a close spot, the night sky beginning to close in on the sunset.

"Yeah, it was nice," I replied. I tucked "Baby Names" carefully under my hoodie, safely pressed it against my torso, and hopped out of the truck. I situated myself in an attempt to hide the rectangle pushing out from myself.

"You alright?" Jeremy asked. I looked up and quickly crossed my arms, smiled, and nodded.

"Perfect. Let's go."

Once to the apartment door, I let myself right in and hurried off toward the bedroom Jeremy and I shared. Jeremy was only stepping inside by the time I got to the door.

"Woah, woah, slow down there," Billy teased as he walked out of the kitchen. I turned to face him, giving him a cold glare with my fists formed at my sides. The book began to slide down my torso, and before I could push it back into its original spot, the baby blue corner slipped out at the hem of my hoodie. It contrast brightly against the black fabric.

"What the hell is that?" Billy asked as he took a few steps toward me.

"Nothing," I replied, quickly tucking the corner away.

"No, there's definitely something under your shirt."

Jeremy bit down on his lip, his cheeks growing a rosy red as he tried to stifle a laugh. To no prevail, he busted into laughter and dropped himself onto the couch.

"Pervert," I stated.

"Let me see, Laura," Billy demanded. I wished Jeremy's stupidity had distracted him, but Billy's newfound interest in me obviously wasn't going to be shut out by that.

"It's none of your business." I turned and rushed into my room, removing the book as I walked so I could stow it away quickly. I threw it onto the air mattress and kicked the blankets over it just as Billy entered. He blocked the doorway, the intensity of his eyes burning a hole into me.

"Was that drugs?" he asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I gathered a pair of sweats off the floor and a shirt along with a clean pair of panties from my bag. I draped them on my arm and headed for the door, but Billy stood firm with a hard stare.

"You live in my apartment, you better tell me what that was," he said.

I sighed, "Billy, it's not as bad as you think it is."

"Then why won't you just tell me what it is you're hiding?"

I frowned, feeling my insides being tugged at by sadness. I tightened my muscles, making sure I kept it all hidden until I hopped in the shower.

"Because I'm embarrassed," I whimpered. Billy's face softened, at which he dropped his arm that blocked me from exiting. I looked up into his eyes, knowing I only had a few seconds before I broke down.

"Thank you," I said quietly. With that, I brushed past him and entered the bathroom, gently closing the door behind me. I turned the faucet on, making sure it was noisy enough to shut out everything else. I dropped back against the door, slid to the floor, doubled over, and sobbed softly into my knees.