Remembering Sunday

It was four in the morning.

The sun was still tucked away by the night sky and all was quiet on the East Coast. My eyes bored into the ceiling, even though I really couldn't see it through the dark. Seth was still sleeping soundly beside me, his body barely moving. I didn't want to move away from him, but I had to before the sun rose any further.

I stood up and walked to the closet, my eyes finally adjusting to the dark as I pulled out my large black duffel bag. It was tough, but I had to be as quiet as possible in order to not wake up Seth. I walked over to the dresser, quickly opening drawers and stuffing their contents into my bag. Pants, shirts, underwear, anything that was mine. I didn't bother to change out of my sweats; they were good enough for sleeping and going out. All of my clothes didn't fit into the bag, causing me to have to grab another duffel bag out of the closet. I thought about leaving some stuff behind, but I didn't have the money to buy new stuff. In Seth's favor, I decided to leave my black Fox Riders hoodie in his shirt drawer for him, in case he wanted something of mine to wear. That is, if he wasn't completely pissed at me. Once everything of mine was packed neatly away into my duffel bags, I pulled out a lined piece of notebook paper and a pen to write my note to Seth.

Seth,
I'm sorry. Ugh, I know that's probably not ever going to be good enough for this, but that's all I can say. I really am truly, truly sorry. This isn't about you, I promise. Why did I do this? I'd rather not say. It's something bad, and I know you'd yell at me if I told you. I wish I could make this all better, but since I can't, this is the only good option.
I love you soooo much and I'll never in my entire life love anyone as much as I do you. You're my everything and I want you by my side for the rest of my life, but now that isn't possible. I wish that it was, I really do, and if there was some way we could be together forever I'd sure as hell take it. Whenever someone gets you down, just remember how much I love you, okay? It's indescribable.
I love you with all my heart and I'm sorry for everything bad I've done to you. If you hate me for this, good. I deserve it.

Love always,
Laura

Sniffling, I folded the paper up, wrote 'Seth' on the front, and set it down on the night stand where he'd see it. I sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at Seth through the dim darkness, watching him sleep on his side. He looked so serene, so vulnerable. Before I noticed, tears were trailing down my cheeks, and my hand automatically wiped them away. Get out of here now or you never will, the voice in my head said, and at that moment I forced myself up. I walked to Seth's side of the bed and leaned my lips down to his cheek, quickly giving him a kiss. The last kiss.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I moved my lips to his ear, my voice trembling. "I love you more than anyone in the entire world, always remember that."

With that, I leaned away and started out to the front door. I took one last, unwilling look around the apartment before fixing on the bedroom door. Seth was still in there, but now by himself. More tears, and I opened the door and shut it behind me for the last time.

An hour passed.

The streets were barren and chilly, making my hands inch farther into the sleeves of my navy hoodie. With every step I took, a new tear formed in my eye and my bags slapped against my thighs. I had no idea where I was going or which direction I was in, but I didn't care. As long as I got out of the city before sun up.

A city bus with a movie advertisement stretched across both sides of it stopped ahead of me, allowing the few people there to get on. Perfect. Without looking or hesitating, I dashed toward the bus stop, just hoping I was able to make it before the bus took off again. A Mercedes beeped the horn at me as I ran across the street, but I didn't even look back to wave an apology. As the doors of the bus began to close, I wanted to scream out to stop it, but I didn't. Instead, my run increased, the feeling of the baby in my stomach bouncing making me want to stop and rest.

But I couldn't. I had no other method of transportation. I'd left my car behind.

"Wait, wait!" I finally screamed, waving my one hand in the air in hopes that the driver would catch a glimpse of it in his mirrors. Luckily, I think he did. The driver stuck his head out the window next to his seat, his eyes focusing on me.

"Hurry up!" he yelled in annoyance. My feet felt as though they were going to fall off by the time I reached the doors. I stepped onto the lit bus, quickly deposited the fare, and wandered to a seat in the far back. The bus was empty except for five other raggedy people that sat in random seats throughout the bus. The back seats were all mine, allowing me to prop my tired legs onto the maroon cushions and lean back in comfort. However, I wasn't going to have a very peaceful ride. My eyes formed new tears as I thought of Seth and how much I wished I was still snuggled up against him in our bed. I wanted so desperately to tell him about the baby, but there was no way I wanted to risk him yelling at me and leaving me.

I rested one hand against my slightly bulging stomach, slowly rubbing it in circles. At least I wasn't alone.