Damn, I Hate You

"I guess that's true." I finally said after awhile. He was holding me in his warm embrace and I loved his smell. I mean, his smile is perfect and beautiful, but his smell is just delicious! It makes me want to stay like this forever and just breathe him in. He has such strong arms. I feel so safe. And to think, I had started out trying to comfort him. Look at how the tables have turned!

We sat in silence for quite awhile. Then he leaned backwards, supporting me in case I was too weak or something, and then let me rest back down on him while he lied down. He's so gentle. It's hard to beleive that people could hate him. Then again, by his mouth sometimes, it's easy to remember.

"So why are you so interested in my life? I mean, what's up with yours?" he finally asked. Sad, I was enjoying just the sound of his heartbeat.

"Well, I guess I'm just too average to wanna hear about. I mean, I get depressed sometimes-"

"Why?" He asked. Did he really care? Wow, this is so unreal!

"I dunno. I usually feel like no one loves me. Like, I try talking and people either talk over me or they don't listen and start talking about their lives. Then there's my parents who act as if my sister is the center of the universe. She gets away with everything and I can't do shit, and it's just.. it's dumb." I explained. How long has it been since someone's actually listened to me.

"Don't think stuff like that." He said simply and let that hang in the air for awhile. I thought he was going to say something else, but I guess not...

"It's hard, though-"

"To think that it's possible for people to love you? Why? As far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one who's ever really hated you. And your parents probably just worry about your sister because she's a vocal bitch who complains about the slightest shit that comes her way. Squeaky wheel gets the grease, honey." he started lecturing me. It's weird, with every speech like this he gives, you can hear just how important it is to him. I love it.

"Wow, you're good." I said.

"Eh, when I leave my house I like to watch people. I learn to understand them and get an idea of what's going on inside their minds. Your situtation is pretty easy to judge. The thing is, you have so many friends! How could you feel unloved?" his questoin seemed pretty reasonable.

"Well, it's just... have you ever been surrounded by people and yet felt entirely alone?" I asked.

"Every day of my life." he said, not trying to sound as dramatic as it was.

"And how do you deal with it?"

"Well, there's plenty of ways. You could try drugs, alcohol, failed suicide attempts. Or do the easy thing that doesn't fuck you up in the long run and make jokes and bitch." he said. "So far that's been my most effective technique."

"Wait, did you actually try all that other stuff?" I asked.

He sighed heavily. "Ok, well... You seem like you honestly give a shit about me, God knows why-"

"Weren't you just the one saying to never feel like no one loves you? So much for that!" I interrupted.

"Your right. But advice is easier given than taken, dearie." He said. "Now may I continue?"

"Only if I can interrupt once more and tell you how impressed you always make me with your quick replies to everything!" he stared at me. "Yeah, I'm done now." I giggled.

"As I was saying, you seem to actually care about what I have to say, so I'm going to tell you some stuff I've never told anyone else. You ready or you wanna get some crazy spaz outta your system?" He asked, dark humor showing as always.

"I'm good."

"Alright. Here, sit up."