Damn, I Hate You

I hadn't seen him at lunch or in the morning. I was beginning to worry, but I decided he was probably just ditching. Well, more like settled to decieve myself by saying that over and over in my mind. After what I'd witnessed yesterday, it was too easy to imagine what could've happened in the hours we were apart...

But there he was, fifth period, his "fuck you" attitude clear on his face; eyes practically slits, threatening to sleep yet kill at any second; his face a perpetual frown. Why does he do that? Why doesn't he show his beautiful smile to the world? There was definatly a change in skin-tone from yesterday. I wonder how much damage he's hiding beneath all the concealer.

"Hey. I was worried. Where were you at lunch?" I asked once I sat down next to him.

He leaned his head against the wall behind us and closed his eyes. "I got fucked up last night. But it's cool. I just had to stay the night at the hospital and I was released this morning but decided not to bother with my morning classes. I had to hide it, ya know?" he explained. He wasn't afraid to tell me the truth anymore. There's a plus.

"Are you ok? What happened?" I asked.

"Nothin much. Just a few cracked ribs and some mild bruising. It's not really a big deal. Like, I had a concussion so I didn't feel the second half of it all." He laughed. God, just because laughing helps doesn't mean it's appropriate!

"Why don't you tell child services? I'm sure they'd-"

"My friend did that, one time. His mommy got taken away and he got sent to a new home." He said, adding hateful emphasises on mommy and new. "But he had to leave to a new city. And after that, he went back to his mommy, who was none-too-pleased with her rat of a son. He prolly had a choice, you know, whether or not he wanted to live with her again, but he's... it just turned out bad for him." he explained, looking straight ahead of him throughout the whole story. I guess that would explain a bit of it. Fear drove us to stupid decisions.

"So how do you feel?" I asked.

"Morphine lasts awhile, actually." He smiled. I rolled my eyes, but with a smile. He's so content with his shitty life it's almost as if it's ok. But a little voice inside me wants to hold him and shake him and tell him it's not ok and that even if he's given up on humanity he needs to have faith because without faith why live?

Then again, after the hell of his life, maybe it's not possible to believe in a god anymore.

"Deryk, do you have a rough draft for me today? I notice you were absent from yesterday. Your partner too." Our teacher commented annoyingly.

"Indeed I do. Thank you for your concern." He mocked.

"Please show me it." she said, not too happy with his reply. Why not? He was just answering her. Geez, lighten up. Shit! I'm starting to sound like him!

"Yeah, yeah, here you go." he said and handed his copy to her. She read over it.

"Well, I'm sure your partner worked very hard on this, but please write your own next time." she said. What the hell? She knows I can't write.

"What the hell are you talking about? Are you insinuating that I didn't write this, because you've graded my stuff for a year and should realize by now that I am the better writer of this group- no offense, Jaimie." He started.

"Excuse me, hell is a place, not a swear word."

"Well if it's not a swear word, why bother correcting me? Freedom of speech, thank you. Don't try to corrupt America further by teaching me that my rights don't exist. Now, if you would, please explain what made you think I didn't write this." He said. Wow, he's really upset today. Or maybe he's just bored. He's a bit of a dick like that.

"Well, look at what it says-"

"Hello, I wrote it, I already know what it says!" he said, a bit calmly considering how loud he was just a second ago.

"I don't think you are capable of writing like this."

"And I really don't think you do a good job at teaching this class, but it's not a matter of opinion, it's a matter of fact, and I wrote that paper." he said. Fuck, you just slipped up there!

"Go to-"

"What? Time out? Detention? I don't even care. I hate this class. Do you're worst. I'll just tell the assistant pricipal about how unprofessional you are and spread the word about how I got detention because my teacher didn't believe in me. Gladly." He said, daring her with his dark eyes to do just as he had suggested. Fuck, don't do this!

"Deryk, don't be stupid!" I stood up. What was I doing? NO!

"What?" He looked over at me, his face totally confused as if he'd just waken up in a different country.

"I'll be writing this up, Deryk." she said, pulling out a referral.

"NO! Don't do that. We all have bad days. Don't punish him. I mean, you kinda tempted him." I said, sitting down in embarrassment as I tried to defend him. He sat quietly, looking straight at me, pleading me, but I don't know what for.

"How did I tempt him?" she challenged me.

"Well, you did kinda call him stupid by saying that he couldn't write that. You know I couldn't and you know he's a good writer, and it isn't fair that you told him something like that, especially in front of a full classroom." I rambled. She stopped writing the referral.

"This is the last time you get away with anything in my classroom, young man." She said, glaring at Deryk. I saw him relax from his tense posture.

He mouthed a thank you to me, and I told him you're welcome. If only I knew exactly what was going on up there in his mind. If only I could fix it. If only I could make his life perfect, just how I always thought he was...