Damn, I Hate You

God, am I on the rag or something? I can't believe I just fought with him! I can't believe it was over my sister! Well, she is my sister... Family should stick up for one another... but she probably wouldn't give a damn if someone said shit about me! What the hell did I do this morning? He wouldn't even look at me at lunch, he just sat in his group of friends, making a jackass of himself. God, he's back to his usual self. He's not happy, he's hateful. And it's all because of me and my damn PMSing or whatever the hell excuse I have for blowing up this morning. Am I really that scared of having a boyfriend? Am I just too freaked out that my family will be against it that I killed it? What the fuck!

I watched him walk into the classroom and stared quietly, discretely, while he sat down next to me.

"Listen-" I began once he sat down.

"I'm sorry, am I supposed to give a damn what you say?" He asked rudely, raising one eyebrow as if I were a stranger that he were angry at.

"Don't be like this." I pleaded. I was trying to make up! Don't do this, Deryk!

"Sorry, I don't believe I give a shit what you want me to be like." he said and turned to face straight ahead. No, no no!!! I grabbed his face and pulled it towards me. He was infuriated.

"Bitch, don't fuckin' touch me!" he whispered feircely. He never cusses for the teachers to hear. So much for not caring if he gets in trouble...

"I'll touch you if I want to." I was staring him in the eye. "Don't be like this."

He shook his face out of my hands, grabbed them in the loosest grip that was still firm around the wrists, and dropped them onto my desk. "Listen," he started, "when you said fuck you, it obviously wasn't an invitation. If you didn't want me to do this, you wouldn't have started it all. I thought you'd gotten to know me over the past few days, but apparently you've only gotten to fulfill your dream of actually falling in love with me. Not as fun as you'd thought, is it?" he asked, his eyes both hurt and angry as he spoke. Wait, was he really angry or just upset? Then, as quick as he'd began, he stopped, looked away, and it was over.

No. I wasn't about to let it be over. "Why can't you understand that I'm sorry?" I asked.

"Why can't you understand that I don't care?" he replied too quickly. I could almost hear him gasp at that last comment, regretting it, hopefully.

"Because I know you do care. Deep down, some crazy person actually has fallen in love with me."

He laughed under his breath. "Fallen in love with you? What tells you that?" he asked.

"You two care to stop talking back there?" Our bitchy teacher interrupted.

"Isn't this the time that we're supposed to be working on our project?" Deryk asked, quickly changing his voice to sound innocent and questioning, not angry.

"Oh, I suppose you guys should work on it. In that case, everyone take out your poems and carry on. Good display of initiative, Jaimie. I'm sure you got Deryk very into this project." She said.

"Why don't you ever give me any credit?" he asked, the anger returning in his voice.

"Excuse me?" she turned back to face him and started walking towards us.

"You said, Jaimie, as if she were the one who had asked my question. You said she had gotten me into it, as if I weren't motivated enough to do your stupid project and pass the class in the first place. Why don't you just assume that I'm a good student at some point?" he was using passive aggression. That's what he'd always done. That was the only way he'd known how to deal with it. I looked down. If he gets a referral, it's all my fault...

"Surely, you're joking." she said, looking down at him. "I know you're a good student. I just find it hard to believe that-"

"That I'm a good student. You're so busy with your little assumptions and conclusions that you so wrongfully draw that you can't even consider that I'm not just smart, but also motivated. And then, what's worse, is that you display these wrongful opinions in front of the entire class and make me look bad, no doubt influencing everyone else to believe the same." he lectured. How does he speak so fluidly? He doesn't even care about this right now! God, he's so... No, no. He's not hot, he's not smart. If he leaves you because of this morning, he's nothing.

Or maybe I'm the one who's nothing for causing it all.

One of Deryk's friends in the background started cheering for him. "You go man!" Don't encourage him, people!

"You're being a disrutpion, Deryk, so I'm going to have to ask you to leave." She said, going to her desk for a paper.

"Ask me? Uh, no. Asking means that you give them an option. You're just escaping you're problems. You know I'm right and you're too weak to admit you're wrong. You're not a good leader, you're not a good role model. You're nothing but a coward, hiding because you know you're too opinionated and finally it's coming to bite you in the butt. It's clear that you're just sending me out because you can't argue. Go ahead, send me out. I'm sure you've lost the respect of everyone in this class by now anyways, and I'm sure that sending me out is only going to make it worse." Deryk was staring with an evil look hidden in his eyes. An ominous shadow was veiling him as he tilted his head down slightly and smiled at his winning finish.

"I still have respect for her." I stood up. One of his friends boo-ed me. What the hell was I doing? Why am I so impulsive today. "Well, if not respect, then I'm at least happy with one decision she's made." Lord save me...