Damn, I Hate You

I didn't make it to Jaimie's. My adrenaline rush ran out and I found myself unable to continue running only a couple blocks away. The cement was cold, but comforting against my hot throbbing skin. I was lying on the ground behind a Jack in the Box. I wasn't scared of someone finding me here. I was obviously in no shape to fight and I didn't look like a kid with any money, so I doubt people would care to mug me.

I closed my eyes. It was all hitting me now. All that had been said, every punch that hit me, I could feel it all so painfully now. He hated me. It wasn't just my mom's resemblence, like he claimed. He actually hated who I am.

"Hello?" Jaimie's voice answered my phone call in one ring.

"Baby... I think I need you." I said.

"You at home? What happened?"

"Well, I'm safe. Like, I'm behind the Jack in the Box on Fifth street and I should be fine here. I just... I want you with me. Can you come?" I asked. It was late, probably nearing midnight.

"Of course! My parents aren't coming home 'til Monday, so I have no curfew. They just called, actually, saying they were staying an extra day. You need somewhere to stay? I can take you to my place." She offered.

"That would be great, but I dunno if I can walk to you're place." I admitted.

"I'll find a way. Don't worry, I have some really strong pain meds I'll bring over, alright?" she said.

"God, you're my hero." I stated the obvious and she hung up, in a hurry to come to my aid. I love how ready she is to help me. She sees so much more in me than anyone else. I'm so glad I have her right now.

My head was resting on my backpack and the sounds of the city flooded into my ears. Car horns, people yelling, a couple cop cars. It wasn't comforting, but it was a little serene to know that here I was in the middle of it all and yet away from all the problems of it. It was like being God. It was better than my roof top where I always got to sit and watch the world beneath me. It was as though I were the god of sound and my symphony was worshipping me, playing it's dark music masterfully.

"Oh my god, are you ok?" Jaimie's voice broke my thoughts.

"Yeah. Well, sorta." I said. She ran to my side and started inspecting me.

"I can't see where you're hurt. I-"

"Everywhere, but don't be afraid to touch me. It won't hurt too much." I said, and started lifting my head for her to sit under it. She put it back down on my back pack, though. Huh? I need you!

Then she lied down next to me, her on her side while I was on my back, and she nuzzled into my shoulder. I instinctively moved my arm so my jacketed limb would provide a pillow for her. She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry it's so late."

"No, no, I'm not tired. I'm just..."

"Feeling happy?" I guess. She nodded.

"Yeah. I must admit, it's nice to just sit here in the silence for once." I said. She agreed, pulling her head towards my collorbone and resting it there. She was so warm against me and I almost forgot all my problems for a minute. I closed my eyes and let the cold carress me.

"So what happened?" She finally asked after about three minutes.

I told her the whole story. This time, I was feeling everything my dad and I had said and I couldn't hold back crying. "See, that's why I need you so bad. You taught me after years of being trained not to feel, that it's ok to cry and it's ok to show emotion. You showed me I could be loved even if I was weak." I admitted.

"You're not weak. You're smart and wonderful and the strongest person I know. You aren't afraid to tell people what's on your mind and you aren't afraid to take a hit." she replied. She tried putting her arm around me but I involuntarily groaned. "I'm sorry." She said, sadly.

"God, now I can't even be hugged." I whined. "Here, wait." I said, and shifted. I put her arm around my waist instead of my rib cage. It was still bruised, but not as badly. She hugged, trying to be gentle despite her insane instinct to squeeze. "There, it's all good." I said and hugged her back, breathing in her sweet smell as my head lay over hers.

"See, you're really strong." she said. I smiled. "I'm proud of you. You finally almost set things straight with your dad."

"No. I finally learned it's pointless trying. I'm going to tell Mr. B. when I'm in detention on Monday. He knows, but until I tell him, there's not much he can do." I said. She nodded.

"We were talking about that today. He loves you like a son. I hope you get to be adopted by him. You deserve it."

"He's cool. Yeah, he's the first person I ever felt cared about me. Like, not in the same way as you, but you know, he actually listened to what I had to say and treated me like I wasn't a dumbass or a fuck up." I thought out loud. Life might just be going my way, now.

She pulled her face into my chest. It hurt like hell, but I didn't let her know that. "I'm so happy." she said. More silence followed. I love how it's not awkward silence with her. It's gentle. It's not the kind that drives me insane; it's the kind that makes me feel like we don't need words anymore. Words mean nothing compared to the connection we naturally have together.

"So, you want some of that pain medication I brought you? It'll help you on our walk home." she finally said.

"What, did you steal some vicodin? And yes, I'd love some! Think they're still open?" I gestured towards the Jack in the Box. For the first time, I'd realized I hadn't eaten all day and the hunger was finally setting in.

"Probably. Here, I'll buy you some tacos and a soda and we'll start on our trip."

"Thanks, baby." I said, kissing her as she helped me up. I need her so much, and she knows it. Damn, I love her.