Damn, I Hate You

I was so proud of Deryk I couldn't help myself from coming over and patting him gently. He heaved into Mr. B's stomach and Mr. B only hugged him tighter. I know he'd wanted Deryk to tell him and he'd wanted to help him for so long, but it was wonderful to actually see it.

Suddenly Deryk pulled away. He wiped his eyes and leaned against a desk in the front row. "Ok, I'm smart enough to know that this isn't how it ends. What do we do now? Like, how does this work?" he asked.

Mr. B sat and considered. "Well, I take you down to the police station and we file a report about your father. They'll arrest him tonight once you go in for child abuse and proceed with a trial, in which you'll go on the stand and explain what he did. Once they take him away, though, I'll talk to them about putting you in my care, ok?" Mr. B explained. He had experience with this and knew exactly what to do.

Deryk nodded and looked over at me. "Will you come with me?" he asked, his eyes pleading. He looked like a four year old wanting someone to come with them to the doctor's office.

"Of course." I said and came over to sit next to him. He leaned his head on my shoulder.

"Ugh, I feel like a pussy." he admitted.

"Why? You're finally doing something to fix your life. Your supposed to feel good." I said, shocked that he still felt so terrible.

"It's not that easy." Mr. B began. "See, it's almost like he's been brainwashed into believing that life is supposed to be like this. He thinks it's his fault for his dad hating him and it's like giving up on God. He's giving up all faith he's ever had that one day his dad will love him unconditionally and he's giving up all faith that his family is ever going to get better just by him behaving differently. It's not easy to give up everything you once believed in. It's ok, Deryk."

"I love how you talk about me as though I'm not here." Deryk sat up and smirked. "And I was actually talking about the fact that I keep crying even though I'd spent all night psyching myself up for this." He correct us.

"Like I said, though, it's like giving up on God-"

"More like giving up on Satan."

"Sure. But see, you're adopting a new belief system, practically. You used to think that it was your fault that your life sucked and you wanted to change it. Now suddenly you're trying to use external forces to fix the problem, and you're finally realizing that it wasn't you. It'll be relieving as time goes on, but for now, it's just confusing and painful to realize you were wasting your hope." Mr. B preached.

"Wow, that's some inspirational speech." Deryk replied smartly. "You're right, though."

"God, I feel like I'm in a room full of ancient philosophers. You guys are so insightful and wise." I thought out loud.

"Well, we all knew I was a genius. And Mr. B's just got the experience." Deryk laughed.

"You're so damn cocky." Mr. B smiled at him. "For some reason, though, it seems to make people love you."

"People love what they can't have, and they can't have my awesomeness." he smiled more. "Anyways, on a more serious note, should we get going?" I am always amazed at how Deryk can transition from insane laughing jester to serious badass to total dick, etc. It's a great talent. Mr. B understood immediatly.

"Alright. Let's go." He grabbed his keys and we headed off to the police station.

When we arrived, Deryk was shaking again. His hands were trembling slightly and he looked ready to cry again. He held them back this time, though. I grabbed his hand as we walked in.

"Can I help you?" someone at the front asked us as we passed the circulating hustle and bustle of officers walking in and out.

"Uh, yeah. Where can I go to report a case of domestic violence? I have a kid here who needs to get away from his dad." He explained. The lady pointed us to a corridor and we headed in that direction. "Ok, guys. I'm going to talk to this guy to explain it. He'll ask you to come in and give more details in awhile. I don't know if you'll be able to come in with us-" he was looking at me now as we sat outside a door.

"Jaimie was there one time. She can count as the only witness to ever see it first-person." Deryk interrupted him.

"Ok. I'll see you guys in a sec." He said and walked into the room.

Deryk leaned his head back against the wall and sighed, bringing his hands to his face to hide it from the light. "I'm so confused right now." I sat and rubbed his leg. He put one hand down on mine and leaned over on my shoulder again. "I should feel happy, but I feel pretty let down. He's right. I wasted all my childhood hoping to be good enough."

I rested my head on his and rubbed his hand. "No one's perfect. You were as close to perfect as they come, though. I mean, you have an attitude, but that's because you want everyone to be great and you want everyone to succeed and you want the world to be great. Your dad didn't see how perfect you were, though. He refused to see it." I ran my fingers through his hair for a second.

"I'm glad you're here." Suddenly the door opened and a police officer waved us in.