The Princess and the Emo
"I wanna grow up to be just like you Livi!"
I never pictured myself to be a role model. I was mean, cold tempered, and dreary, and I still am, even eight years later, I've bearly changed. But when my cousin Kaelyn was born, it all changed for me... just not instantly.
-x-x-x-
July, 1999
I was visiting my other family, my favorite family, who lived about the Warren area of Rhode Island. I had been taken out of summer pre-school due to poor care and starving me, so I was unusually happy... and eating again.
My baby cousin had just been born, and I was jealous of her; even more so of my brother, who still attracted all of my mother's attention. My hot-cold temper went off without warning around either of them. Great.
"Isn't she just adorable Liv?" My mother cooed, pouring over the pink bundle in my aunt's arms. I crossed my arms angrily, "She looks like a peanut."
"Olivia Rose! Don't talk about her like that!" she snapped at me, waving the threatening finger I was accustomed to seeing.
"She does. How adorable should a big pink peanut be?" I whispered, walking towards the turtle tank. Leonardo and Mikey were swimming in circles and in and out of their logs. A smile twitched on my lips, but soon vanished at the sound of someone calling my name.
"Olivia! Come here please!" my Nanuny called out to me from the kitchen.
"Yes?"
"I want you to go into the back yard and give this to uncle, but come right back. I want you to help me cook dinner." she speaks to me like I'm ten and not four years old. She handed me a tiny glass vile of what I guessed was poppy seeds.
I stepped outside, it was chilly for July. The difference in temperature made me realize how my blood was still thin from the heat back in South Carolina. I walked quickly down the wooden steps into very tall grass. I made it through half of the tall grass, and met my uncle abruptly.
"Nanuny wanted me to give you this Uncle Sky, so here," I said innocently as I could muster for being irritated. I handed him the little corked vile of seed and turned on my heel to go back to the kitchen. At least I can help with dinner.
-x-x-x-
Yeah, even then, I was a cold hearted bitch to my family. My grandmother, Nanuny, had taught me everything I know. Especially how to use a computer. Well, for the next four years, nothing got any better for my mentality and bad attitude. The tons peer pressure really didn't help...
-x-x-x-
February, 2004
I woke up on a Monday morning, my short blonde hair spread across my face. I walked across the hall to the bathroom, immediately, my reflection caught my eye. You know how when you listen to a depressing song, those oh-so famous lyrics: 'Staring in mirror, looking back at the person I hate,'? This described my feelings for myself. I stared back at myself, short Miami Beach-blonde hair, cut short to just under my ears, my dark tanned skin from under my hot and baby pink sleep shirt. But I noticed that a spider had bitten me on my neck, two red bumps clearly visible, I sighed. I remember thinking,
'Why do I wear these distasteful clothes, have this awful tan and blonde hair?'
I wanted nothing more than to throw on a Disturbed band tee, ripped jeans and black Chucks... like Travis. Travis was your average scene/nice jock kid, who every girl drooled over, literally. I hated wearing these, but I did it. Makayalla would've kill me, and my rep would plummet, and my friends would hate me. All except Katelyn. She was my Vampire and Werewolf crazed double. I loved sneaking away from my group to hang with her.
I dressed in the accursed pink and blue clothes, my blonde hair adorned with a bow, and walked to the bus stop. I thought of how Kaelyn would fair with this. She knows I'm sad and cold at heart, and respects me for it. I talked with Katelyn on the bus, and went straight for class. Amanda walked over to me, we began talking about Travis's brother, the smokin' hot high schooler who checked the mail on Wednesdays. That day at recess my friends noticed the spider bites on my neck and went insane.
"Oh. My. God! You have those Vampire marks on you! See girls, I told you she was one of 'them'." Makayalla leaned, one hip sticking out. Amanda looked at me, mouthing 'Get out of here!' She knew about my alternate personality.
"No! I uh... you remember my little brother, Garrett, right? He did this! Like when he was messing with your hair that night you slept over!" Makayalla dropped the matter, but I got a nose bleed from the shock of that much stress and worry. I ran to the girls room. Locking the stall I held my nose shut and flipped my head forward and down... my secret identity leaking out as the metallic taste of blood dripped into my mouth and down my throat, crying.
-x-x-x-
Horrible isn't it? And I was in third fucking grade. Later on that very same day, my mom told me we were moving to Massachusetts... here's the catch. We were living in my Grammy's house, and I was to be attending a catholic private school. We went, lived there for nine days, got kicked out of the house, moved back. And I said 'fuck it I am me from now on.' All of this was before everyone picked up the whole 'emo' thing. I moved back up that summer, only this time we lived with my Uncle Sky and Auntie Heather, and cousins James and Kaelyn... this is where our story sorta starts off.
-x-x-x-
June, 2004
I was playing some random racing game when I hear a quiet little voice from my left.
"L-Livi? Could you help me with the Nemo game? I-I'm stuck with it." Her black-brown hair falling in her eyes shyly. I smiled warmly and obliged. She sat in my lap and I taught her the basics of the Finding Nemo video game. She hugged me and continued playing. I made us some coffee milk while she played. Thanking me, she tapped my shoulder gently.
"Could I sleep in my bed tonight? I-In your room?"
"Yes Kay-Kay! Of course you can. I'll plug your night-light in for you."
"Thank you Livi. I wuv you!" She may be seven now but she still spoke like she was three or four. It was... adorable, so to speak. I felt bad about hating her so much as a baby, and she was accepting me for who I was. Maybe because I was only nine and she bearly knew about the social disaster I was (and still am). That night, maybe two a.m., she taps me lightly on the back.
"Livi? Can I sleep in your bed? I'm scared." I looked at the night-light, the bulb had burned out. I smiled and she climbed in beside me.
"I l-love you Livi." My eyes snapped open. She said the "L" correctly! My heart calmed and I felt warm.
"I love you to Kaelyn." She hugged me and rolled over, asleep within minutes. It took me a while to fall into my nine hour coma, and I thought,
'This kid's shy, and loving. I wonder why she's only got two friends, which are technically her cousin and stepbrother. She could be a social butterfly, but she chooses to be the hurricane I've become...'
-x-x-x-
She is so sweet! My favorite cousin by far. Her step brother, James, is a demon-child. But I started fouth grade there and got through most of it. I made a lot of friends, but I hated my teacher. I moved back down South when my depression settled farther into me and my mother couldn't find work or a house... and she was single, since the dude that was supposed to be her fiancee decided long-distance wasn't worth it. Sucked to be her. Now, I live in South Carolina, it's been two years since I last saw her and my other family. Well... two weeks ago it was two years. The day before I flew back down, me, Kaelyn and James were walking around Swansea Mall, ten bucks each....
-x-x-x-
July 2007
"C'mon Olivia! I wanna go to the game store!" James was heely-ing around the mall, he had already fallen once, I was praying he would face plant into the pretzel stand. He was working my nerves so much... I was not so far from throwing him into the arms of a random person and walking off.
Kaelyn rolled her eyes and looked up at me. I had changed from the last time she saw me. I have short-ish choppy black hair, studded bracelet, black pants with a lot of buckles, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus jacket and a My Chemical Romance t-shirt. I was false front girl, Olivia, before. I'm social disaster-bombshell, Rose, now. We had come back from Borders Book Shoppe, my new dark romance book in my right hand, Kaelyn's hand in my left. We looked strange. I'm this "emo" chick holding hands with a little girl in a pink turtle neck and sequin flip flops. We stood out that's for sure. I waved at the clerk in Hot Topic and the clerk in Spencers... and FYE.
I was chatting with Kaelyn, trying to decide what would be funnier, James crashing and wetting himself, or some guy come up and kiss him; as he hated gays. She surprised me with her answer.
"Definitely wetting himself, it would be okay if some guy kissed him, gay people are cool."
I was shocked she said that. She's eight years old, her mom's a bitch and a whore, dating a homophobic prick I bet and she's not homophobic? Damn, my uncle must have gone all WWSD on her. I was proud.
"Yes, gay people are really cool."
"Why didn't you go to one of your stores?"
"I knew they wouldn't have anything your dad would let me buy. And you both are too young to go in there." I laughed. They were sheltered, I didn't want to get yelled at for giving them some sort of dark epiphany this early.
"But that stuff is cool! You wear it!" Again I was shocked. She played with Barbies, and liked studded belts. That's bad-ass whether you think so or not. Hopefully she won't turn out a false front like I did.
"Jay crashed again! Ha ha!" She pointed and laughed at him. I chuckled slightly, I was still thinking about what she said.
"Yeah Livi, I wanna grow up to be like you, I'll even dye my hair black!" That really got me. I quickly responded.
"No, you don't. Trust me you don't want my life." I don't want her to be sad and hateful like me. Poor girl, clueless to what the world can be for an outcast. She should stick to Barbies for now, sort her social class later.
"But you're a cool person, and you wear it."
"Yeah... ah, no. I'll be honest, people hate me for wearing this stuff and being me."
"Then why do you wear it?"
"Because they don't tell me what I can and can't wear or do." She stayed silent and I called after James.
-x-x-x-
All of it is true. We were stared at and we didn't care. We had a good time while the adults were getting a massage. Other than James of course. I loved my temporary life, I love my other family more that my immediate one. I just can't buy a CD without fighting about putting it into the CD player for all to hear. Ha ha. I've always preferred secrecy.
But all in all, she made me smile cause she shares a few of the same opinions as I do at such a young age. And to me we seemed so unlikely to be best friends and family members too. I guess we are, Kaelyn The Princess and Rose The Emo.
Fin
-x-x-x-
July, 1999
I was visiting my other family, my favorite family, who lived about the Warren area of Rhode Island. I had been taken out of summer pre-school due to poor care and starving me, so I was unusually happy... and eating again.
My baby cousin had just been born, and I was jealous of her; even more so of my brother, who still attracted all of my mother's attention. My hot-cold temper went off without warning around either of them. Great.
"Isn't she just adorable Liv?" My mother cooed, pouring over the pink bundle in my aunt's arms. I crossed my arms angrily, "She looks like a peanut."
"Olivia Rose! Don't talk about her like that!" she snapped at me, waving the threatening finger I was accustomed to seeing.
"She does. How adorable should a big pink peanut be?" I whispered, walking towards the turtle tank. Leonardo and Mikey were swimming in circles and in and out of their logs. A smile twitched on my lips, but soon vanished at the sound of someone calling my name.
"Olivia! Come here please!" my Nanuny called out to me from the kitchen.
"Yes?"
"I want you to go into the back yard and give this to uncle, but come right back. I want you to help me cook dinner." she speaks to me like I'm ten and not four years old. She handed me a tiny glass vile of what I guessed was poppy seeds.
I stepped outside, it was chilly for July. The difference in temperature made me realize how my blood was still thin from the heat back in South Carolina. I walked quickly down the wooden steps into very tall grass. I made it through half of the tall grass, and met my uncle abruptly.
"Nanuny wanted me to give you this Uncle Sky, so here," I said innocently as I could muster for being irritated. I handed him the little corked vile of seed and turned on my heel to go back to the kitchen. At least I can help with dinner.
-x-x-x-
Yeah, even then, I was a cold hearted bitch to my family. My grandmother, Nanuny, had taught me everything I know. Especially how to use a computer. Well, for the next four years, nothing got any better for my mentality and bad attitude. The tons peer pressure really didn't help...
-x-x-x-
February, 2004
I woke up on a Monday morning, my short blonde hair spread across my face. I walked across the hall to the bathroom, immediately, my reflection caught my eye. You know how when you listen to a depressing song, those oh-so famous lyrics: 'Staring in mirror, looking back at the person I hate,'? This described my feelings for myself. I stared back at myself, short Miami Beach-blonde hair, cut short to just under my ears, my dark tanned skin from under my hot and baby pink sleep shirt. But I noticed that a spider had bitten me on my neck, two red bumps clearly visible, I sighed. I remember thinking,
'Why do I wear these distasteful clothes, have this awful tan and blonde hair?'
I wanted nothing more than to throw on a Disturbed band tee, ripped jeans and black Chucks... like Travis. Travis was your average scene/nice jock kid, who every girl drooled over, literally. I hated wearing these, but I did it. Makayalla would've kill me, and my rep would plummet, and my friends would hate me. All except Katelyn. She was my Vampire and Werewolf crazed double. I loved sneaking away from my group to hang with her.
I dressed in the accursed pink and blue clothes, my blonde hair adorned with a bow, and walked to the bus stop. I thought of how Kaelyn would fair with this. She knows I'm sad and cold at heart, and respects me for it. I talked with Katelyn on the bus, and went straight for class. Amanda walked over to me, we began talking about Travis's brother, the smokin' hot high schooler who checked the mail on Wednesdays. That day at recess my friends noticed the spider bites on my neck and went insane.
"Oh. My. God! You have those Vampire marks on you! See girls, I told you she was one of 'them'." Makayalla leaned, one hip sticking out. Amanda looked at me, mouthing 'Get out of here!' She knew about my alternate personality.
"No! I uh... you remember my little brother, Garrett, right? He did this! Like when he was messing with your hair that night you slept over!" Makayalla dropped the matter, but I got a nose bleed from the shock of that much stress and worry. I ran to the girls room. Locking the stall I held my nose shut and flipped my head forward and down... my secret identity leaking out as the metallic taste of blood dripped into my mouth and down my throat, crying.
-x-x-x-
Horrible isn't it? And I was in third fucking grade. Later on that very same day, my mom told me we were moving to Massachusetts... here's the catch. We were living in my Grammy's house, and I was to be attending a catholic private school. We went, lived there for nine days, got kicked out of the house, moved back. And I said 'fuck it I am me from now on.' All of this was before everyone picked up the whole 'emo' thing. I moved back up that summer, only this time we lived with my Uncle Sky and Auntie Heather, and cousins James and Kaelyn... this is where our story sorta starts off.
-x-x-x-
June, 2004
I was playing some random racing game when I hear a quiet little voice from my left.
"L-Livi? Could you help me with the Nemo game? I-I'm stuck with it." Her black-brown hair falling in her eyes shyly. I smiled warmly and obliged. She sat in my lap and I taught her the basics of the Finding Nemo video game. She hugged me and continued playing. I made us some coffee milk while she played. Thanking me, she tapped my shoulder gently.
"Could I sleep in my bed tonight? I-In your room?"
"Yes Kay-Kay! Of course you can. I'll plug your night-light in for you."
"Thank you Livi. I wuv you!" She may be seven now but she still spoke like she was three or four. It was... adorable, so to speak. I felt bad about hating her so much as a baby, and she was accepting me for who I was. Maybe because I was only nine and she bearly knew about the social disaster I was (and still am). That night, maybe two a.m., she taps me lightly on the back.
"Livi? Can I sleep in your bed? I'm scared." I looked at the night-light, the bulb had burned out. I smiled and she climbed in beside me.
"I l-love you Livi." My eyes snapped open. She said the "L" correctly! My heart calmed and I felt warm.
"I love you to Kaelyn." She hugged me and rolled over, asleep within minutes. It took me a while to fall into my nine hour coma, and I thought,
'This kid's shy, and loving. I wonder why she's only got two friends, which are technically her cousin and stepbrother. She could be a social butterfly, but she chooses to be the hurricane I've become...'
-x-x-x-
She is so sweet! My favorite cousin by far. Her step brother, James, is a demon-child. But I started fouth grade there and got through most of it. I made a lot of friends, but I hated my teacher. I moved back down South when my depression settled farther into me and my mother couldn't find work or a house... and she was single, since the dude that was supposed to be her fiancee decided long-distance wasn't worth it. Sucked to be her. Now, I live in South Carolina, it's been two years since I last saw her and my other family. Well... two weeks ago it was two years. The day before I flew back down, me, Kaelyn and James were walking around Swansea Mall, ten bucks each....
-x-x-x-
July 2007
"C'mon Olivia! I wanna go to the game store!" James was heely-ing around the mall, he had already fallen once, I was praying he would face plant into the pretzel stand. He was working my nerves so much... I was not so far from throwing him into the arms of a random person and walking off.
Kaelyn rolled her eyes and looked up at me. I had changed from the last time she saw me. I have short-ish choppy black hair, studded bracelet, black pants with a lot of buckles, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus jacket and a My Chemical Romance t-shirt. I was false front girl, Olivia, before. I'm social disaster-bombshell, Rose, now. We had come back from Borders Book Shoppe, my new dark romance book in my right hand, Kaelyn's hand in my left. We looked strange. I'm this "emo" chick holding hands with a little girl in a pink turtle neck and sequin flip flops. We stood out that's for sure. I waved at the clerk in Hot Topic and the clerk in Spencers... and FYE.
I was chatting with Kaelyn, trying to decide what would be funnier, James crashing and wetting himself, or some guy come up and kiss him; as he hated gays. She surprised me with her answer.
"Definitely wetting himself, it would be okay if some guy kissed him, gay people are cool."
I was shocked she said that. She's eight years old, her mom's a bitch and a whore, dating a homophobic prick I bet and she's not homophobic? Damn, my uncle must have gone all WWSD on her. I was proud.
"Yes, gay people are really cool."
"Why didn't you go to one of your stores?"
"I knew they wouldn't have anything your dad would let me buy. And you both are too young to go in there." I laughed. They were sheltered, I didn't want to get yelled at for giving them some sort of dark epiphany this early.
"But that stuff is cool! You wear it!" Again I was shocked. She played with Barbies, and liked studded belts. That's bad-ass whether you think so or not. Hopefully she won't turn out a false front like I did.
"Jay crashed again! Ha ha!" She pointed and laughed at him. I chuckled slightly, I was still thinking about what she said.
"Yeah Livi, I wanna grow up to be like you, I'll even dye my hair black!" That really got me. I quickly responded.
"No, you don't. Trust me you don't want my life." I don't want her to be sad and hateful like me. Poor girl, clueless to what the world can be for an outcast. She should stick to Barbies for now, sort her social class later.
"But you're a cool person, and you wear it."
"Yeah... ah, no. I'll be honest, people hate me for wearing this stuff and being me."
"Then why do you wear it?"
"Because they don't tell me what I can and can't wear or do." She stayed silent and I called after James.
-x-x-x-
All of it is true. We were stared at and we didn't care. We had a good time while the adults were getting a massage. Other than James of course. I loved my temporary life, I love my other family more that my immediate one. I just can't buy a CD without fighting about putting it into the CD player for all to hear. Ha ha. I've always preferred secrecy.
But all in all, she made me smile cause she shares a few of the same opinions as I do at such a young age. And to me we seemed so unlikely to be best friends and family members too. I guess we are, Kaelyn The Princess and Rose The Emo.
Fin