Leave The Past In The Past

“Carlton Andrew Renn, do you take Allison Grace Evelyn Lillian McDowell to be your lawfully wedded wife?” The vicar asked

Carlton smiled at me and nodded “Of course I do! I love this girl.”

The vicar chuckled and turned to me “Allison Grace Evelyn Lillian McDowell do you take Carlton Andrew Renn to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

It was at that point I realized it. I realized what I wanted, and it was defiantly not here. I didn’t want Carlton, I didn’t want his riches, I didn’t want his family and I didn’t want to marry this young!
I felt myself look around the church and out of the hundreds that were here I recognized four faces; my Grandma, my aunt, my Nanny and my father. I didn’t belong here!
If I stayed I'd become a stay at home mum that goes insane from only talking to her children! I can't do it. I won't do it.

I could feel tears prick in my eyes and I grabbed the hem off my dress and ran out of the hall. I ran as hard and as far as I could away from the church.
I ran away from it all. I just ran and ran.

And although I didn’t realize it then, this was just the start of a new life; a life that was everything but perfect.

***

I lay my head against the cold floor of my kitchen and squeezed my eyes shut.
I had to get them out of my head. I had to stop myself thinking about them. I had to!
I’d moved town, I’d moved City, and I’d moved bloody Country! For no other reason than to get away from the people I love.

A year ago I’d left the love of my life at the Alter, and I haven’t seen him since then. A year ago I’d gone running to my best friend Hannah, asked to borrow $100, and I haven’t seen her since then. A year ago I called Riley asking her to tell everyone I loved them, and I haven’t heard from her since then. As for the others? Well the last time I saw them was in the church.

I took Hannah’s $100, and I left town, moved somewhere close so I could see them if I wanted to.
But a week later I was on a plane to England. I’d got the money from the joint bank account me and Carlton shared. It was shut down the next day…

I’d managed to scrape enough together to pay a months rent on a small – and I mean small – flat in Leicester. It wasn’t beautiful, far from it, and it wasn’t really in a ‘nice’ area, but when I managed to get a job and start earning enough to move to somewhere slightly better, I couldn’t.

I loved my flat. I still do. And that’s why I’m stuck in Leicester. That’s why I’m stuck in England. That’s why I’m not back in America, with my friends.

Not that they’d take me back; I’ve done nothing other than hurt them. It’s better this way.
I’m not saying I don’t miss them, I do – I miss them a lot. But at least this way I know I can’t hurt them anymore. They’ll be happier now I’m gone. That’s what counts; their happiness. Not mine.

…Right?