Wings & Hearts

When I finally got back home I was a whirlwind of excitement and dread - what in hell or on earth was I supposed to wear in which I could go barhopping? I was certain that a group of black-wearing guys (which was what Jyrki was and who I was sure he hung out with) wouldn’t want a little preppy girl tagging along, so I had to tailor my look to them out of common courtesy and in interest of actually gaining friends. As I stared at my wardrobe with a cigarette in hand, I realized that saying was easier than doing. I had virtually nothing that fit together to form a relatively dark outfit - go fucking figure. Paavo stuck his head in the doorway now and again as I pondered my choices, he had quickly realized that the couch was much safer than my doorframe.

“What the hell are you doing?” He called from a safe distance, he craned his neck to be able to see me from the couch, a bottle of beer in hand. I had realized that my brother was an opportunistic drinker, he had no discretion as to what, where and when.

“Going out.” I replied curtly, as I finally decided a black skirt was the closest thing I was going to get to gothic. While it was still pleated, it was a solid color (not plaid or Kelly green) not too long or too short (it COULD be considered a miniskirt, but that was a problem easily fixed) and definitely not too school girlish, so I set my choice on my bed and began to plan my outfit around it. After a moment of consideration, I pulled a Kelley green polo, a black cardigan and a hot pink belt from the closet and set them up mannequin-style on my bed. Really, I had no color diversity and needed to go shopping in a bad way; Green and Pink were definitely the most dominant colors in my closet. How sad.

“With whom?” My brother’s head reappeared in the doorway, and I chucked a ratty tennis shoe at his face. I missed of course, but it was the message that mattered and not the accuracy of my softball arm. He retreated again and left me to my own fashion devices. Tights joined the ensemble, as it would probably get cold later that evening; for the next half an hour, I rifled through my closet - things ended up in corners of the room I hadn’t even known existed (apparently the rooms in the flat were octagons, there must have been eight fucking corners in my bedroom!), ensembles appeared in color combinations I hadn’t even known existed before in my little world of pink and green. Finally, though, I stood back and lit a new cancer stick as I considered my last two options - an electric blue polo with a bright yellow belt along with the basic black pieces or the ink and green.

With a sigh, I began to pick up my room as I thought.

“With whom?” Paavo asked again, his stocky frame took up the entire doorway width-wise (maybe too much beer?) as he pried. I attempted to pay him no mind as I returned a lost pair of Capri’s to their home, folded on a closet shelf with their brethren.

“People from school,” I finally conceded defeat when Paavo asked again from his perch on my bed. Exasperated, I stuck my smoke in my mouth to avoid spouting any more information on the evening as I folded the rest of the “bottoms” I had strewn across the room.

“Am I invited?” Paavo watched me like a hawk watches a delicious-looking morsel of a toy-sized dog which has been left unattended in someone’s backyard.

“No, I don’t think so.” I shrugged and moved to my makeup box to “do my face” - mainly put on mascara and a touch of brown eye shadow to emphasize the nondescript gray peepers, as makeup was so not my thing. Maybe if Paavo had wanted to be able to dictate whom I went out with he should have taken me out once himself over the past three weeks! The private smile had turned into a scowl as I ashed my cigarette.

“You’re going out with strangers, alone, on a Thursday night? Vittu, Sini, that’s such a bad idea!” Paavo had a white-knuckle grip on the doorframe, any more pressure and he probably would shatter the doorjamb.

“Yes. Perhaps you should have thought about that before you left me to my own devices for fun, veli.” I said sweetly as I began to make shooing motions with my hands. “Unless you want to watch me get dressed I suggest you fly the coop.” I commented as I moved to the bed - the blue/yellow option had been hung back in the closet where it belonged, as I hadn’t wanted to blind anyone that evening. Infuriating my brother had been my favorite sport back in Oulu as the youngest sibling (until I was fourteen, but that‘s another story), and since I had been living with him again I realized why it was so much fun - he was too easily stressed over stupid things. Now I stressed over that which needed it - homework, school, clothing - he stressed over stuff like cello tuning, where the next round of drinks came from, and me.

Once dressed, I emerged from my room to find Paavo slung over the back of the couch like a blanket, his legs dangled over the back, his head and arms over the front. I sparked a fag into life as I stuffed my bra with a few markku and my identification card - all I would need for the night - and began to transfer the gorgeous cursive on my arm onto a scrap of paper.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Merely storing my possessions for the long night ahead.” I shrugged, and began to wash my arm as I had memorized the address simply because it had been on my body for a few hours. I dropped the paper with the address onto Paavo’s chest. “Here you are, drama queen. That’s Jyrki’s apartment’s address - I think I can find it on my own because I’m a big girl.” I tied my black Converse (the only pair of the type I owned, and they looked like new because I never wore them) against the back of the couch. “We’re going to be at Tavastia, I think. I’ll call if we get too far off the beaten path.” I swear, it was like living with my parents again. “Don’t expect this again,” I grabbed my smokes and the house key I had on a little ribbon as to hang it around my neck - no pockets were only a slight inconvenience. “If you don’t take me out yourself, you’re going to have to deal with not knowing where I am, got it?”

When I finally reached the bottom floor of the apartments, I set off toward the rail stop, into the west where the sun had set an hour past. Ah, nightlife, my favorite. My tennis shoes made little noise on the pavement as I passed people having dinner in their houses and lit a cigarette to take the edge off my hunger - I definitely should have eaten, but that was another matter altogether. Just minutes after boarding the rail line, I was in Kallio, the “bohemian” district in which Jyrki lived which was riddled with graffiti and sex shops. I was able to follow the brief directions Jyrki had been able to give me through the closing doors of the metro earlier that day, and eventually found myself staring up at the tall towers of the restored warehouse. The building was huge - maybe Jyrki really was Paul Bunyan and needed the entire place to house himself and his big blue ox. With a sigh, I crushed my fag and rang the buzzer by the iron-barred door.

“What?” The reply was harsh over the old speaker.

“It’s Sinikka, let me in?”

“Oh, right.” The door buzzed open and I set off up the stairs slowly, trying to get a feel of the building. He was on the fourth floor, an improvement from the five flights of stairs I had to walk up and down daily (which were making my legs quite toned and fit, to my eternal happiness) as most buildings in Helsinki were too old to have elevator shafts much less elevators.

Jyrki’s door was painted bright red on a floor of nondescript black doors; and I knew it was his because light and music flowed around its edges. I raised my hand to knock just as the door swung open and hurled a tornado of brown curls and tattoos at me, I could only yelp as the green-eyed superhuman force as it crashed into me in the hallway, taking both of us down to the floor.

“Holy shit, Ville!” A girl’s voice followed the natural disaster out of the apartment as strong arms grabbed my by the armpits and yanked me to my feet.

“Way to welcome her to the place, Ville,” I turned to see Jyrki had been the one to lift me up as if I was just a little teddy bear; he took my by the shoulders and led me through the door to the cough, leaving the girl to deal with tornado man. “Are you alright?” I could only look up at the huge man with a blank expression on my face, of course I wasn’t all right, I had just survived a natural disaster! There was definitely a bruise coming up on my backside, and a few more rising on my back and my neck was definitely broken, but all I could conjure to say was;

“I’m fine,” My words were breathless and I couldn’t control my eyes as they wandered from Jyrki’s face to the anxious face of the crashing man and the chiding girl beside him. I felt satisfied to know that I had been right about Jyrki’s friend’s love of dark clothes and the like, as I surveyed the room briefly I could see I was about the only person wearing color, the only exception was a blond boy wearing a white wife beater, but he was a short exception. “May I smoke in here?” I asked as I pulled the crushed box of Marlboro’s from between my breasts.

“Of course, Ville does all the time.”

“Three packs a day,” Crash sounded proud about his habit.

“Nice to see you again, Jyrki,” I said, and extracted a sadly bent cigarette from the smashed box, straightening it unconsciously before I stuck it in my mouth. Tornado already had his lighter out and burned the end for me. “Thanks,” I managed as I pulled myself up into a more comfortable sitting position.

“Sorry about that, love. This is Hanna Ylonen,” The brown-haired, hazel-eyed girl looked anxious, as if she were about ready to give me a full check up. “And that force of nature is Ville Valo, my roommate.” So he did have a cute boyfriend! I managed to suppress laughing at my own joke and greeted the pair smartly.

“I’m so sorry darling, let me make it up to you, I’ll get you a drink?” His concern made me laugh as I used Jyrki’s arm as a lever with which I pulled myself to my feet to greet these new friends - hugs and air kisses all around!

“No, I think I’ll survive for a little bit,” I thought for a second. “A slice of bread would be beautiful though!” Ville darted off. Excitable, skinny man…

“Oh Sinikka, you’re too polite. Ville’s an ass.” Hanna grinned brightly - she had retrieved a pair of drinks in brightly colored plastic cups from somewhere nearby, she handed one to Jyrki as she spoke. She pointed over to the crowd to a short, platinum blond boy. “That little tyke over there is my brother, Lauri. He likes to follow me around and get in trouble with my friends.” She sighed as she spoke, like an exasperated mother.

“How old is he?” I quirked an eyebrow as I saw the boy in the wife beater that I had noticed earlier; Hanna’s statement had sounded more like a warning.

“Sixteen.” I nodded as I understood, the short boy was otherwise known as Jailbait for most of the people in this group.

“Here’s your bread,” I took two slices of white bread from Ville’s hands and thanked him as Jyrki’s heavy hand rested on my shoulder.

“Come sweetling, let’s introduce you to the group!” He sounded excited, and I looked like a chipmunk with an entire piece of bread shoved into my mouth. Fantastic.

First, we ran (literally) into Lauri and his annoying, hyperactive friend Jussi - who was short, overly tan and brown-haired to Lauri’s blond. There were two Mikko’s, one was thin and pale with a shock of blond dreadlocks and the other short, pudgy and bald; the thin dreadlocked one was to be referred to as Linde (or blond Mikko, if Linde was too weird) in order to avoid confusion. Juha-Pekka had two names, which was extremely confusing to me - he had annoyingly long brown hair that I would have delightedly taken a pair of scissors to. Jykri nearly ran me into Barbie-Eicca from the flat and after a few awkward moments, I was forced to acknowledge him and admit that we got off to a bad start, which also stung my already bruised pride. Kirsi was the only other girl in the group aside from Hanna, and the redhead didn’t come off as very hospitable to the presence of another woman. Joni and Pekka were a pair of twins, which was even more confusing, with blond hair and dark brown eyes. The last person Jyrki introduced me to before he allowed me to go get a drink was Aatu, who looked wise beyond his years and had a spot of gray at the temples of his light brown hair.

Fourteen people in one apartment was a little much, so nearly as soon as I settled in, I found myself being whisked out of my seat and out of the front door by Ville and Hanna.