The Flow Of My Love

Thalia rested her head beside her book, running her fingers across the smooth surface.

"What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do," she said aloud. "Sounds appropriate to me."

She rolled herself onto her back as Tempest walked through the door. Thalia glanced at the clock, which read 2:17 A.M.

"Well, look who finally decided to come home. Where were you this time?"

Tempest glared at her, a glint of sadness visible in his eyes.

"I was with the guys at the bar. I guess I can assume that you were slicing your body..as usual?"

Thalia pulled her eyes away, looking down at the bloody tissue she so carelessly threw to the floor. She returned her stony glaze to Tempest, a look of fear and anger shooting towards her fiance.

"What I do and don't do to my body is none of your business."

"Of course it's my damn business! You're going to be my wife in a month, and I just can't stand to see you doing this to yourself. I mean, Jesus Christ, Thalia! Look at yourself. Don't you understand that I go to the bar so I don't have to look at those cuts? It kills me every time I see them."

Tears rolled down her face as Tempest reached over and gently held her hand. It was times like these that made Thalia remember why she fell in love with Tempest in the first place.

"Let me see the new ones, sweetie. It's for your own good, okay?"

Thalia nodded her head slowly, lifting up her pant legs, revealing the long, red lines that covered the majority of her skin. Tempest sighed, tilting Thalia's head up, kissing her lips softly.

"You know I love you to death. But, you doing this to yourself just makes me think you're trying to kill yourself. Is that what you're trying to do? Don't you want to get married to me? Am I doing something wrong?"

"No, cutie. You aren't. Just..every time you leave makes me feel so alone, and that sometimes drives me to the point where I just feel the need to d-do this to m-myself."

Loud sobs carried through the air as Thalia buried her head in Tempest's shoulder. He gently ran his fingers through her long, blonde hair. Thalia looked up at him, kissing him tenderly. She carefully placed her hands on the back of his head as he began to deepen the kiss. He reached down, grabbing her left breast. A small moan escaped from Thalia's throat, both from pain and pleasure. The cuts she hid on her chest threatened to open and expose the blood she had become so addicted to.

Tempest pulled away, breathing heavily. He wrapped his arms around her waist, before quickly crashing his lips down on hers, pushing his tongue into her mouth. Their tongues met, wrapping around each other. As Tempest began to unzip Thalia's pants, she pulled away from him and wiped her mouth.

"N-no. Not tonight. I'm too..t-tired." She looked at the ground, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

Tempest's eyes flashed anger for a second, before they changed back to comfort. He nodded his head, before smiling and caressing Thalia's face. He kissed her once before getting up and heading to the bathroom. Thalia pulled up her shirt a bit, showing off her cuts, ones that had to have been an hour or two old.

"But it hurts to be alive, my friend," she sang quietly, running the piece of glass in her hand. She sighed burying her head into her knees, hoping to slowly drift off to sleep.
--
Thalia tugged at Tempest's hand like a small child. She giggled, feeling herself being lifted into the air. He looked at her for a second, before smiling and singing.

"I will always be with you. I'm the anchor of my sorrow. All I know, or never knew, is I love you. I love you to death."

Thalia smiled sweetly. "Our song. There's so much meaning behind it, don't you think?"

"Of course I do, baby. That's why it's our song. Duh," he said with a smirk.

Thalia stuck her tongue out at him and playfully hit his face. He squeezed her tighter, before setting her back on the ground and holding out his arm.

"Shall we?"

Thalia giggled, grabbing his arm. "We shall."
--
Tempest gently kissed Thalia's cheek, softly nudging her into the room. She looked back at him, trying to hide her eyes; ones that were filled with such sorrow. She put on that fake smile she had practiced for so long and sulked over to the couch.

Tempest looked over at her with concern, wishing so badly he could do something to help her, when he knew he couldn't.

"Gosh," he thought. "Why can't she be normal, like most girls her age. I mean, for goodness sakes. She's 22. She finally got her literature degree that she worked so hard for. She could write a best-selling book in about 10 minutes. What's wrong in her life?"

He listened to her sigh quietly, pulling the comforter over her shoulders, staring blankly at the show she was watching; Cooking For Real. Tempest walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her. She jerked away for a second, before realizing that her action may have hurt his feelings. She leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek.

"I'm sorry for how I'm acting, Tempest," she said quietly. "I'm just real tired and stuff. I think I'm going to bed. G'night, honey."

She squeezed his hand quickly, before walking into their room.
--
Thalia pushed the piece of glass deeper into her skin. She slowly dragged it across her calf muscle. Pain soared through her body, blood beginning to pour from the gash. Thalia sighed with relief, before the door quickly opened, Tempest standing before her.

"You know, Thalia. I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't do that while I'm here. It doesn't exactly make me feel that much better about the whole situation."

Anger flashed in Tempest's eyes before he threw on a pair of sweatpants on and climbed into bed.

"Tempest, you don't under-"

"-No, Thalia. I do understand. It's just dumb that you're doing this to yourself when there are so many other alternatives. I think that maybe you should go see a therapist for your own good, you know?"

Fear boiled up inside of Thalia's body, as blood continued to pour out of the new, open wound.

"I'm not s-so good with therapists. You know that, Tempest. You've known that since we first started going out, 9 years ago."

"Yeah, Thalia. Whatever you say. Just leave me out of it," he said, climbing out of bed and heading towards the door.

"No! Tempe-"

Tempest slammed the door in her face, leaving a broken hearted Thalia, not only to herself, but to her secret killer.
--
Thalia moved so that she was facing the wall, tears rolling off her face. She felt a strong arm wrap around her waist like an eel. She flinched a bit, moving hers closer to her chest. She hated those nights; the two of them never could solve their problems quickly. She was sick and tired of him trying to stop her cutting, when he really had no right to. You can't make someone stop cutting themselves. They have their own choice on whether they want to or not! Thalia jumped out of bed, walked over to the wall, and punched it as hard as she could. She stood there, glaring at the now awake Tempest, before leaving angry; blood dripping to the floor from her knuckles.
--
Thalia walked into work, pulling her Slipknot sweatshirt over her head. It was always freezing in the store. She walked over to her friend, Kelley, giving her a big hug.

"Tempest and I are fighting again."

"Thalia, you really have to learn to resist the urge to cut. You do this to him every time, sweet. It hurts him like you hurt yourself. Please, Thalia..stop. Do you really want to be all cut up for your wedding day? When your parents will be there? And his parents will be there? If you stop now, they'll be barely noticeable by the time your wedding has arrived." Kelley flashed Thalia a big smiled and a thumbs up.

Thalia rolled her eyes, slipping her 6 rings on a handful of fingers. A young girl, probably 17 years old, walked through the door. She walked over to the section where the store was currently featuring gay pride merchandise. She pulled off a shirt with a rainbow and two girls, that said, "Lez Be Friends." She smiled, walking over to her.

"Hi there. I'm Thalia. Can I help you find something today?"

She watched the girl glance at her pin, which stated, "I kiss girls and boys."

She pointed to it. "That true?"

"Yeah, it is. You interested in that shirt?"

"Yes. Full blown lesbian, you know the deal. It's great, although I'm having trouble finding a girlfriend."

"Awh, I'm sorry about that, honey. You'll find someone you really care about, and they will care about you too. Don't worry, I'll give you a discount on the shirt if you'd like."

The girl nodded her head, walking over to the cash register.

"I'm Kimi, by the way. You seem really sweet, Thalia. Gimme a call sometime, okay?"

She slid a piece of paper towards Thalia, waving to her as she walked out of the store.
--
Thalia opened the front door slowly, calling out, "I'm home!"

Tempest rushed out to greet her, wrapping his arms around her and bringing her into a warm embrace.

"Tempest, I'm really sorry about last night. I promise, this time I'm really going to try and stop for the both of us."

He smiled, kissing her lips softly.

"I promise, babe. You won't be sorry you did this," Tempest lifted her off the ground in a hug, twirling her around.

"I love you, Thalia," he said as he laid her on the bed.

"I love you too, Tempest," she said as she let him crawl on top of her.
--
Thalia groaned, turning to the edge of the bed so she could grab her ringing phone.

"Mm..hello?"

"Thalia! It's Kimi! What's up?!"

"Erm, I just woke up actually. What the hell are you doing up at 6 in the morning?"

Thalia heard Kimi let out a soft laugh before answering.

"I have to leave for school soon, silly! School starts at 7. I'm up by 5:30. At least there's only a few more days, then I'm done with high school. Kansas University here I come!" She let out a loud cheer, forcing Thalia to pull the phone away from her head. Then it dawned on her.

"Wait..Kimi? How did you get my phone number?"

"Oh! Kelley gave it to me! She's really amazing."

"Kelley?"

"Yup! She's my older sister's best friend, but we're both best friends too!"

"Oh, Kimi. That's nice. But can I please go back to sleep? I have to get up for work in 2 hours."

"Ohhh! Okay! Have a good day, Thalia! Bye!"

Thalia hung up the phone, rolling towards Tempest. He smiled and hugged her.

"Who was that, babe?"

"Oh, just some girl that stopped in the store yesterday. She's a lesbian. Bought that Lez Be Friends shirt. She's cute. She gave me her number to call sometime, but I guess she got my number from Kelley."

Tempest's face hardened. "She knows you're bisexual?"

"Yeah," Thalia responded. "I wear that I kiss boys and girls pin at work. I wouldn't mind kissing her."

"Ha! There's no way you're kissing someone else, even a girl, while we're going out."

Thalia's eyes narrowed as she pushed herself up and out of bed.

"So, you're basically saying that I need to stop being me?!"

Tempest got up at the same time, walking over to Thalia, getting extremely close to her face.

"That's exactly what I'm saying! Great job for figuring that out!"

Thalia had enough. She whacked Tempest across the face with an open palm, leaving a bright red hand print on his right cheek.

Tempest stumbled back a bit, as Thalia gasped.

"Oh my god, Tempest. I'm so sorry. I was just s-so mad that you would be so controlling of me."

"Whatever, Thalia. I'm going to the bar."

Anger rose up in Thalia, as she lunged at Tempest, punching his back.

"You want me to stop cutting, don't you?!" Tempest froze. "You go away when something I do makes you mad, and you expect me to be calm about it!"

Tempest slowly turned around. Thalia threw herself onto the bed face first, deep sobs escaping her mouth. Tempest watched her back rise and fall in attempts to gain air. He walked over to her and sat at the edge of the bed.

"Thalia, I'm really sor-"

"-No! go to your fucking bar! Go have a fucking drink! Go have a nice, fucking time! See if I give a fucking shit!"

"Stop acting like this, Thalia. You're acting like a child."

Thalia turned over, mascara and eyeliner tracing tears down her face.

"Yup! That's me! The overreacting , dumb child!"

Tears now sprang from Tempest's eyes as he collapsed to the floor.

"I don't know what to do anymore, Thalia! I'm so afraid you're going to die! That one day, you just won't be able to take it and you'll kill yourself! I can't let you die, I just can't!"

He rested his face in his hands, tears pouring from his eyes. Thalia walked over to him, wrapping her frail arms around him, tears still streaming down her face. They both sat on the ground, crying together, only the sound of their sobs audible.
--
Thalia woke up on the ground, her arms wrapped around Tempest's waist. She gently pulled away as to not wake him. She kissed his cheek softly, before heading into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

As she sat down, Tempest came walking out of the bedroom.

"Morning, Thalia. Listen, I'm really sorry about last night. You were just being so stupid and I couldn't do anything."

"..Wow, Tempest. Make me sound like the biggest dumb shit on the face of the earth!"

"Stop yelling at me! Calm down! No need to fucking yell!"

"I'm not yelling! And stop getting mad at me. It's been two days since I last cut. Be happy."

A smile spread across Tempest's face as he grabbed Thalia's hand.

"That's great, babe! I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it. Just keep at it, Thalia. I know you can do this. I know it."

Thalia nodded, taking a small sip of coffee. "Hey, we can all look on the bright side of life. Our wedding is in 3 weeks. You ready?"

Tempest let out a small laugh, nodding his head. "I kind of wish it would come sooner. You know?"

"Yeah..I know what you mean. I'm excited. I feel like everything we've been living for the past year, moving in together, getting engaged, it'll just be even more real." Thalia leaned over, kissing Tempest gently.

"I love you, Tempest. And I'm so sorry for everything that's happened. I've just been really stressed out lately, and I just..I don't know."

"I love you too, Thalia. Don't worry about it. I understand more than ever how stressed you are, and I'm going to try my hardest to not get on your nerves so that your stress level won't be as high." He rested his hand on her leg.

"Thank you. That's the best thing I could ever hope for." She kissed his cheek softly, before resting her head on his shoulder.
--
"Thalia, please face Tempest, and hold his hands, palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to you."

"These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all the days of his life."

"These are the hands that will work along side yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams."

"These are the hands you will place with expectant joy against your stomach, until he too, feels his child stir within you."

"These are the hands that look so large and strong, yet will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time."

"These are the hands that will work long hours for you and your new family."

"These are that hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness."

"These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes: tears of sorrow and tears of joy."

"These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief wrack your mind."

"These are the hands that will tenderly lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into his eyes: eyes that are filled completely with his overwhelming love and desire for you."

"Tempest, please hold Thalia’s hands, palms up, where you may see the gift that they are to you. These are the hands of your best friend, smooth, young and carefree, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as she pledges her love and commitment to you all the days of her life."

"These are the hands that will hold each child in tender love, soothing them through illness and hurt, supporting and encouraging them along the way, and knowing when it is time to let go."

"These are the hands that will massage tension from you neck and back in the evenings after you’ve both had a long hard day."

"These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times"

"These are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick, or console you when you are grieving."

"They are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness."

"These are the hands that will hold you in joy and excitement and hope, each time she tells you that you are to have another child, that together you have created a new life."

"These are the hands that will give you support as she encourages you to chase down your dreams. Together as a team, everything you wish for can be realized."

"God, bless these hands that you see before you this day. May they always be held by one another. Give them the strength to hold on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. Keep them tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their wondrous love. Help these hands to continue building a relationship founded in your grace, rich in caring, and devoted in reaching for your perfection. May Tempest and Thalia see their four hands as healer, protector, shelter and guide. We ask this in your name, Amen."

The minister turned to Thalia and Tempest and nodded.

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Tempest smiled, wrapping his arms around Thalia's waist as she put her arms around his neck. He leaned in, kissing her gently as she too kissed him back. They both pulled away slowly, looking into each others eyes, and they both knew the same thing.

"Life will get better, with you and I together..forever."