Tears are pouring off my face

I don’t know for how long this has been going on. Or for how long he has been feeling like this. Or why I didn’t notice it before. Brendon has been really distant and quiet lately. Whenever I asked him if there was something wrong, he said that he was okay. But when I came back from a holiday with my parents, I felt there was something wrong. I asked him about it and he told me it wasn’t about me, that I didn’t have anything to do with it. But if this isn’t about me, if I don’t have anything to do with it, then why does he act like this towards me? I thought I was the one he trusted…

Gah! I’m cursing everything and everyone right now… My parents for dragging me along with them. AIM for being such a bitch in emotions. But if it doesn’t have anything to do with me, then why have I got the feeling that we didn’t get through this? Is this goodbye? Are we finished? Or did I actually mean something to him?

I lay down on my bed and the first tears make their way out of my eyes. If this is the end, I don’t think I’ll survive… and if I do, he’ll be the only one I ever trusted with my life.
Silently, I cry. The first tears, with more to follow. I can’t break up with him, I love him too much for that.

“It isn’t about you.” Goes through my mind and I hope we’ll get through this, like we got through everything else.

I hate feeling like this… If it’s over, why can’t he just let me know? Why this distance, this silence? It fucking kills me!

I slam my fists against the pillow, screaming in it as more tears make their way down my cheeks. After all we’ve been through, I never thought I’d be this far away from him as I am now…