An Arranged Marriage To The Mafia...?

Rain.
It washed over large stone steps like the thousands of tears that had fallen in a five day period of time. It pooled like salt water in the corners of eyes and laid a thick, depressing damp over everything it touched. My small gloved hand gripped the wooden handle of the black umbrella that kept the sky's tears from falling over me as I climbed the bluestone steps, Ethan's hand a pillar of strength and comfort as he graced the church by my side.

I said nothing as my black pumps brushed along the cold tiles of the church, the priest smiling sympathy into my eyes. Ethan took the umbrella swiftly from my covered fingers and shrugged my thick over-sized pea coat from my shoulders.

Roaming the inner sanctuary I took light note of the beautifully decorated windows or remarkable sky-high ceiling instead my stare burned through the wooden box centre front, it's top littered with flowers and trinketts, a proud photo of a man I once knew sitting upon the middle of the oak wood top. I swallowed the bubble of nervous dread as Ethan returned to my side, his fingers locking with mine, his steps ushering me forwards.

Tightly I held my eyes closed until my feet no longer dragged along the ground, until the boy at my side had paused and his soft whispered prayer filled the gap between us. Gently I opened my eyes, my baby blues fluttering open and falling downward, my breath caught in a sob somewhere between my lung and chest as I stared down at what remained of my father.

Pale skin looked smooth to touch, yet cold and lifeless as he laid silently inside the one place where he would sleep forever. He wore his favourite suit and most valued silk tie; a gift I had given him for christmas when I was eleven years old. I wanted desperately to reach out and touch him, to wake him from his slumber, to tell him I would miss him, I needed him, I loved him. My fingers itched to hold his folded hands one last time. Those were the hands which raised me, the hands that smoothed fevers away and placed band-aids over grazed knees when I was a child. They were the hands that showed me life in one of it's greatest, most gentle forms; which held me and cared for me as an adult. I felt the even slide of a single tear down one of my cheeks, yet I didn't rush to wipe it away, insted I allowed it to soak through to my pores and embed itself into my skin. Ethan's hand caught my own and his other arm wound around my shoulder as he guided us both back to our seats while other guests paid their respects and found their seats, I gripped tightly to Ethan, my head resting upon his chest, my face lightly crying into his lapel.

"Today," The priest's voice was loud but gentle as his eyes moved over the crowd. "We remember the life of George Samuels; a son, brother, friend and most of all a father. It is important that today we remember the life he lived and the lessons he taught us, today is a celebration of the man who has since passed."

I couldn't listen as they said words that praised the man who raised me, I couldn't concentrate as his body lay broken and abandoned just metres away, I couldn't stand the heat ache and emptiness that filled my heart. Shaking I felt my feet move slowly toward the podium, a folded piece of paper tightly held in my hand. My eyes looked up and over the ocean of people who came to farewell and remember my father and focused on the green eyes of my husband his smile encouraging and calming. I cleared my voice and read from the scratchy hand written eulogy I had prepared.

"I can't tell you who George Samuels was, I can't say what he meant or try and describe the impression he left on your life. To you he was George; a friend or colleague, a boss or allie. To you he made memories that out last life times and nobody else here today could describe what he was to you. Instead I'd like to say what he meant to me." I paused for a moment and gathered my thoughts, the first paragraph was the easiest, it was impersonal and obvious, the second part was the hardest. "To me, George Samuels was 'dad'. He was the man who would read me bedtime stories and wipe away my tears whenever I cried. My father taught me absolutely everything, how to read, write, ride a bike... he taught me the importance of family, friendship of love and life."

For a second I stopped to turn the page, my eyes focusing on the white paper underneath my hand, I paused for a moment to stare down at the small rings on my left hand, the silver wedding bands glimmered and shone brighter than ever before and I thought of my father, evidentally this was what he had wanted, for his only daughter to live happily ever after. Suddenly I found a new voice inside my head, one that wanted to speak freely of who my father was and just as quickly I folded the paper evenly and placed it back inside my dress pocket.

"My father only ever wanted what was best for me, my happiness was what was the most important thing in his eyes. He asked me only days ago if I was happy and I simply told him yes. The truth is that I will never feel that same happiness as when he would smile a toothy grin, or when his entire body trembled while he laughed. I won't ever be as happy as when he danced me around ballrooms or when he told me just how proud I made him. Without my dad I don't know what happiness means, and it breaks my heart to think I'll never be able to tell him just how important he was to my life or how much I truely loved him..."

I felt my knees stretch and flex as I made my way back toward Ethan while the crowd watched a million captons of my father's life portrayed across a white screen. They were prescious memories and a man I had loved more than anything, adored and treasured, praised and looked up to my entire life. They were images of a man who was my father, who lived to protect me from all the bad in the world and who made sure I was safe and loved each and every night. I felt silent sobs pounding inside my chest and allowed Ethan to pull me close, the side of my body leaning against him, my head upon his shoulder as one hand held my own and the other played with my hair.

Slowly the room stood tall as they prepared the coffin. The sound of one of my father's favourite songs playing softly in the background, my shoes touched the floor and I felt Ethan follow me slightly and stop by my side as we stood before my father once more. His big blue eyes closed under lids; never to see the light of day again, his silk cool and sickly pale; never to feel the warmth of sun once more, his mouth a thin peaceful line; never to smile forever. I pressed my fingertips against my pale pink lips and let my eyes close as tears found boundaries to leak from before I pushed my fingers down against his cold cheek, my voice barely whispering a small, meak "I love you" before my uncles lifted the coffin upon their shoulders and carried it from within the church.

Ethan's fingers curled around mine as he drove silently behind the hearse, his eyes flickering from the road to me for a moment and pushing a soft subtle smile over his lips. I wanted so desperately to smile at him, to show him that I was fine, unbroken and good as ever. But I couldn't lie as tears built up behind my eyes. Ethan pressed his lips to the back of my hand and ran his thumb back and forth over the smooth skin as we entered the cemetry grounds.

"We, the friends and family of George Samuels gather here today to commit his body to the ground. We pray that here he may find eternal peace and solitude resting in the garden of our Lord God..."

My head lulled on Ethan's shoulder and I closed my eyes completely exhausted as the priest hummed prayer after prayer.

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust..."

The party of black around me grew to their feet as the coffin sunk further and further to the ground, my shaking fingers placing a single white rose on the lid of the coffin. It was the only flower and I watched while the coffin sank lower and lower into the wet ground, rain like tears fell at every corner, every straight every inch of my surroundings and yet I was numb to the cold. I gazed down as the single white rose my own hands had placed upon my father disappeared inside the dark hole, the only thoughts echoing through my brain was that I loved him then and I would always love him still.