Constantine's Monologue

"I am a vampire hunter. I am currently registered in four states - Illinois, Wisconsin, Massachusetts, and Virginia. It would be five, but I don't think they signed the papers I filled out in Michigan - their loss.

"I got a call from the police in Boston, saying they needed my help in slaying the Master of the City. I personally hate slaying Masters of Cities, mainly because they are serious sons of bitches. This one in particular was planning on changing the mayor and using him as a pawn to control the government. I was to go in, stake her, and be done - I also had permission to kill any vampire that got in my way. I was happy.

"I did make one phone call. I may be really good at my job, but I'm not stupid. Masters of Cities are notorious for cheating, so I called Edward. Edward has a reputation for not quite following the rules; I called him because of our past together, and because he is the only one I trusted at my back with a loaded gun.

"Edward and I met up in Boston where I briefed him on what was happening and what my plan was. It was simple, find the layer, walk in, shove a metal stake into her heart, and be finished. That night we found the resting place of the Master of the City and found a seventeen year old girl sitting on a throne. There is nothing I hate more than a teenage Master Vamp. They just have this arrogance about them... but I digress. We introduced ourselves, and she so did she. Her name was Clarissa. Pretty.

"We talked, then we threatened, then we fought. Edward and I took out a few of her flunkies, and were happy about it, but that didn't stop her from coming at me. She was a late bloomer, if you know what I mean, and I am anything but, so naturally I channeled the bitch in me and called her on it.

"'My, my. For a seventeen year old, you're rather small. Too bad the vampire killed you before you could really reach your peak.' I game her my best bitchy smile, and she hated it.

"In a sweet British accent she replied, 'Oh, you're really clever. You know, you're not the first one to comment on how I look.... The last person who did never walked out of this room.' She managed to pin me to the wall, where she leaned her frozen face into mine and said, 'You're really pretty, Constantine. I could make you one of us if you would like....'

"I gave a laugh and said, 'No.' Then grabbed the knife that I had on my wrist and slashed across her chest. With that distracting her, Edward and I escaped.

"In the morning, we made our way back to her resting place, confident that she and her vampires were dead asleep in their coffins, but we were wrong. It really was the best ambush I had ever been apart of - even if I was the one being ambushed. It was like it came from a movie. Edward and I had our guns drawn and were making our way down a fire lit stone walled passageway when the lights went out, and then so did we.

"When I woke up, I was on my side on the deck of a ship in Boston Harbor - I knew that because I could still see the buildings of the old town just off the ship railing. My arms were tied twice behind my back - once around my elbows, then my wrists. My legs were the same way - once around my knees, then my ankles.

"I knew what ship we were on; it was the same on the 'Boston Tea Party' was held on. The reason I knew that was because that was the night Clarissa was made. She was apart of the Daughters of the Revolution; it was her job to distract the main British guard so the Sons of Liberty could turn their harbor into a giant tea cup.

"Too bad for Clarissa, the guard she was distracting - and distracting well - was a very powerful Master Vampire, who had never made a fledgling. Too bad for him, however, when he made her his power split in two and doubled in her. She later defeated him, increasing her power even more.

"So as I lay on the deck of the ship, Clarissa leaned over me, and in that beautiful British accent said:

'I'm usually a collector of beauty. It saddens me to see such beauty go to waste. But since this beauty has been already wasted.... I think I can live with it.'

"She then looked over me to a vampire standing behind me by the railing. He was a burly vamp, holding an end to a string of rope that went off the side of the ship and out of view. I looked back to my ankles and saw another rope tied to me, a long length of it slithering across the deck, then up and over the opposite railing.

"My heart was in my mouth.

"Clarissa snapped her fingers; then two things happened at once. The vampire behind me pulled on the rope, and I was being dragged across the deck. My head hit the railing as my feet went over the edge, my next breath was a mixture of water and air as I was pulled down under the water. The next thing I felt was my back sliding slowly along the barnacle ridden bottom of the mighty ship above.

"Down there, under the water, it was so quiet.... There is a reason why I love the sound of music, the sound of two guitars screaming at each other. There is a reason why I enjoy the sound of fireworks going off with a loud bang.... It was so quiet....

"I felt my feet hit the board that split the hull in half, and then stopped. I knew what was happening; Clarissa was cheating. In my mind I was screaming: I had to get out of here. My body struggled against the knots, but was unsuccessful.

"When the thought that I was going to die finally crossed my mind, I felt a tug on the rope, but hit the board again. I had to move, so using what little energy I had left, I kicked off the board and moved forward - faster than before. Unfortunately, I couldn't last. I opened my mouth and deeply inhaled the salty-not-tea-tasting water of the harbor. Then everything went black.

"The first time I woke up, I was throwing up on the deck I had started on, wet and cold, looking up into the eyes of Edward who was saying something that I couldn't understand. The second time, I was in a hospital bed. The doctor told me that I was very lucky to be alive. The fact that I had managed to survive being keelhauled was a miracle, but with the amount of water that was in my lungs, every breath I took should have been my last.

"I owed Edward my life. He was held in the brig when he saw me fall past the window and into the water. He tricked the vampire guard into letting him out, then killed everyone on board. Clarissa and her main guard had left. When he didn't see me, he found the rope still held in the dead vamp's hand and pulled like it was his life on the line. When he raised me to the deck, he performed CPR until I could breath on my own.

"I stayed the three days it took me to recover enough to leave, then I grabbed my favorite gun, a high-power Browning, walked into Clarissa's layer - shocking the life out of the guards who had been told of my death - walked up to her shocked face and said:

'I'm usually an admirer of beauty. It saddens me to see such beauty go to waste. But since this beauty has been already wasted.... I think I can live with it.' With that I took the browning, shot her twice in the heart at point blank, blowing a massive hole in her chest, then moved up to her pretty face and emptied the magazine into her.

"By the time my gun clicked empty, I was sobbing and collapsed into Edward. I was so angry I screamed, listening to it and my sobs reverberate off the walls and high ceiling. No one tried to kill me and gets away with it. No one.

"I healed completely after I got home. My back still baring the scars left from the barnacles and other stuff scraping my back. An everlasting reminder of the bitch I could only kill once... and enjoyed doing so."