Heartbreak Is Falling in Love Again.

Is it possible to fall in love at age 15, because it pains me to see him with her, or hear about them being together. I wish there was something that could take my mind off of him, but unfortunately there isn’t as far as I know. My heart aches without him here with me, I miss him so much, but I know I need to forget about him. Who knew it could be so hard. I keep replaying his name in my head, in a tune that is familiar to me, but I can’t get my finger on it. Chris, Chris, Chris. I need to stop thinking about him, but I just can’t. Until something hits me in the head, and I go flying on to the floor of my bedroom.

“Kimberly, get your pretty little face downstairs and play some basketball with me.” I look over at my brother who is still going on about basketball, and then glance at the object beside me, that had once touched my head, and realize that it’s a football. Why on earth is he hitting me in the head with a football, but asking me to play basketball. I don’t ask him why I just accept, because I love basketball.

“Alright Justin, go get the ball out of the garage and meet me at the basketball court at the park.”

Justin is the closest person I have to me; he’s been there through everything. People say it’s because he’s my twin, but I just think it’s because he knows me the best. Which I guess is because we’re twins, anyways; he’s a stud, who gets all the ladies, but only sticks to one, his kind of girlfriend. AKA: My non-related best friend. He’s got nice brownish blondish hair, that’s styled as a shag, his clothes are preppy; he shops at American Eagle, Hollister, Boat House and stuff like that. He’s a lot taller then me, standing at a height of 6 feet. He works out a lot, so he has a good body, muscular, 6 pack, but not to muscular in a way that everyone thinks its gross, he tans really easily, so that’s even better for the way girls like him, I guess, and he has brown eyes, that I swear are the most amazing things you will ever see. We’re identical in a way that doesn’t make me look like a guy, and him look like a girl, I don’t tan the easiest, that lucky sun of a gun got that part. I have the same colored eyes; brown, I have Blonde hair, which obviously isn’t in a shag, it’s long just below my chest, and I usually curl it a little to make it wavy, like you see on those girls on TV, because it’s naturally straight. I’m around 5’5 – 5’6, I know tall right, but most of the guys at least in my school all average between 6 feet and above, except for a few, who are a little bit shorter then me.

Anyways I’m already dressed for the outdoors so I run downstairs and straight ahead of the stair case is my door with the coat hanger and shoe bucket beside it, I grab my shoes, and put them on - I leave my coat because it’s the summer time, and here in Barrie Ontario Canada you only really need it for when its dark and the mosquitoes are out – and walk out of the house closing my door behind me.

It only takes about 5 minutes to get to the park from my house, but I check my cell phone to see what time it is, it reads 2:30 pm, it has been exactly 5 minutes since I last thought about Chris, a new record. That stupid tune comes back to my head and I find my self singing his name again.

After 5 short minutes and a few turns around a few corners I reach the park, and walk over to the basketball court, where I see Justin shooting some hoops by himself.

“Hey! Over here Kim.” Justin says, as if I never saw him there, and I hate being called Kim, which is the only reason that he calls me by that name.

“I’m coming.” I say as I reach him and he puts his arm around my shoulder.

“What game should we play today, superstar, how about some 21? I always beat you at that.” He says clearly aware that he doesn’t usually beat me at that, he just wants my shooting to get better so I can make the team when school starts, which I always do anyways, I guess I owe it to him for all the practice and time he takes on making me better, every year.

“Sure! And we can watch me beat you at that again!” I say sarcastically. “How about we play some one on one, we haven’t scrimmaged for a while, and it would really help me out for tryouts this year. Besides, we mostly scrimmage in tryouts anyways.”

“One on one it is then, you get first ball.”

After we scrimmage for a bit – me winning with 20-18 - we settle down and sit on the cement with the water bottles, Justin always brings with him whenever playing a sport.

“So uh how are things with Chris, I mean I hate to bring him up to you, because I know how much you liked him, but how are you holding up?” Justin says with an expression that’s sad but happy that we’re done, kind of hard to explain kind of way. He never really liked Chris, he thought he was to much of a man whore to be with me, which was true, he cheated on me once, but I forgave him, I guess when you think you love someone that much, you want to believe in the one you care for.

“Um I still can’t get him off my mind; the only good part about everything is that its summer and I don’t really see him and his new girlfriend around a lot, only occasionally. But it is august and in 2 weeks it’s back to school for us, and I have to live with having my locker beside his again, and having to see that red headed bimbo he calls a girlfriend. I’m pretty sure her name is Kelsey, not that I really care whatever her name is.” I say back, tensing up, and feeling water prickling behind my eyelashes. – oh lord I’m about to cry, for the 100th time, you’d think I would be used to the idea of Chris and his new girlfriend by now, its been 1 month, but like I said its tough to forget about him.

“No don’t cry, he’s not worth it, you’ll find someone better, besides we’re 15 we still have a long time to find someone we really want to have around with us, and I know its hard for you, I’m here for you, but you have to put him in the past, talking about him with me, and crying, am I helping you let your feelings come out? Or am I just bringing up memories of the past, and making everything worse?”

“No you’re helping me, I like talking about him, I like pretending I’m still with him, but I know I’m not in reality, it just hurts to think that the person I love thinks someone else is better then me. I like letting my feelings out, I hate bottling them up, this year I’ll get over him, and I won’t ever fall for another guy like him again. I promise.” And I meant my promise, the question was, am I strong enough to keep it.

“Okay, we can stop talking about him now, I don’t like seeing you cry, it kills me to see my best friend and my sister crying over some pathetic loser, who I swear ever steps foot around the house is getting a beating, besides I’m your teddy bear, you only hug me, I remember when we were younger and you would call me your hug a bear, and I would call you my dinner.”

I laughed thinking and remembering the time when I did call my older brother (by 15 minutes) my hug a bear, because I felt bad that I got to go to build a bear and he didn’t, so I gave him a hug and told him he was better then any build a bear, because he was my hug a bear. Of course he didn’t like it much, and since bears can destroy humans, he called me his dinner.

“Yeah well you will always be my hug a bear.” I said giving my best friend the biggest hug you could possibly imagine. “Well I better get home now its 4 o’clock, and I have plans with Dakota later.”

“Yeah, and I have hockey practice at 6 anyways, so see you at home later then.”

“Alright, bye.” I say as I get up and start walking back to the house. As I walk I get out my cell phone and call Dakota. Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Hey bitch, I was just about to call you.” Dakota says from the other end of the line.

“Yeah I was just playing some ball with Justin; you know how he likes to keep me in shape. Anyways are we hanging out still?”

“Yeah, I’ll be over at your house in a few minutes.”

“Okay well I’ll just meet you in my room if you get there before I do.”

“Sure thing, see you there.”

I hang up the phone and put it back into my jeans pocket. I finish my walk home. Once I get there I walk in, and see Dakota’s shoes beside the coat hanger, but not in the shoe basket. So I walk up stairs to my room, and my door is open, I walk in and see Dakota sitting on my bed reading my diary, I don’t mind though, she already knows everything that’s in it.

“Hey whore.” I say as I walk over and sit on the bed.

“Hey bitch, I see that the Chris thing isn’t getting any better since yesterday.” Dakota says winking at me and putting the book down beside her.

“Yeah, no luck there, I keep singing his name in this tune, but I can’t remember where the tune is from, and its killing me.” I say then I hum the tune to her.

“Hmmmm.” Dakota says, thinking. “Isn’t that the song you used to love when we were younger? The one you used to sing to me, and I would get so mad, because I thought it was the crapiest song I ever heard? It was around the age 13, a few years after we first met.”

“Oh yeah, I loved that song and I never stopped singing it either.”

“Explains why you sing it to Chris’s name.”

“Yeah I guess.” I say chuckling a little at the thought. At least I knew what the tune was; it was the tune to “Love Me Forever Baby.” By I forget who.

“Anyways.” Dakota says. “There are a few new kids that moved in on deerpark, and they invited us to a party, obviously we aren’t of drinking age, but its not like we haven’t gotten drunk before, the one kid is our age, and the other two are age 17, and 20. I want you to go with me, and get your mind off of Chris okay, that boy doesn’t deserve your attention anyways. So what do you say, will you come? Not like I won’t drag you there with my bare hands if you say no, so it looks like you don’t have a choice my friend.”

“Dakota, my mom will be pissed if I come home drunk, I’m not drinking, you can, I’ll just be a loser.” I say smiling at her, while she goes through my drawers and pulls out a jean skirt and a yellow polo shirt I got from aeropostale at the beginning of the summer, she knows there my favourite. And then she goes towards my closet and grabs my favourite black and pink bag I got from aeropostale as well.

“Okay put these on, and you don’t have to get drunk, but you are having a few drinks. She says handing me the clothes she just took out for me. “You have to let loose every once in a while. Don’t worry about getting in trouble, I already talked to your mom, and she said you can have a few drinks, but you can’t get drunk. And she also said to tell the new people she brings them a warm welcoming, because well you only live a street away from me, and you’re In between me and the new guys. Who knows maybe you might start to like one of them. The 16 year old, his name is Trevor. And I’m not sure what the 17 and 20 year olds names are.”

“What 16? I thought you said one of them was our age!” I said even though it doesn’t matter what age he is.

“Don’t be so dramatic, besides he just turned 16 last week, and next week you’re going to be 16 as well. I turn 16 in a month, so basically we all are the same age, even though, knowing you, you’re going to go for the 17 year old.” Dakota says winking at me. “Besides I don’t care which one you have, your brother and I have a date tomorrow, again, and I really think that soon he’s going to ask me to be his girlfriend.” Ugh don’t even remind me. I love Dakota, and my brother, and I want them to be happy, just why does there happiness mean they have to be together, it’s just weird for me, my two best friends dating. Can anything else be weirder then that?

Apparently the answer is yes. I’m watching this party from outside Dakota’s brother’s car window, and apparently parties start earlier then 8 now. Everyone - well almost everyone – is smashed, and a whole bunch of girls just went by the car streaking. Like come on, its only 8:05 and the party has already hit its disaster. What kind of alcohol are they giving these people? I mean parties do usually end like this, but they never start like this, this early.

Just as three guys walk by us, Dakota gets out of the car, and tells them to wait a minute. So of course since she’s pretty and everything, with her short brownish, blackish hair with side bangs, and her big pretty brown eyes, and makeup done so well, the guys stop and wait. She tells me to get out of the car quick, so I do. We walk casually over to them, and Dakota asks what their names are.

“I’m Trevor.” The first guy says, he’s the 16 year old Dakota mentioned to me. He’s kind of cute, I mean in that awe cute baby kind of way. The next one introduces himself along with his brother as well.

“I’m Drew and this is my brother Cole.” I’m guessing Drew is the 17 year old, because he looks a lot younger then Cole. They are both pretty cute, but like Dakota guessed it, the best looking is Drew, the 17 year old. – Well as far as I know he’s 17. – Drew has a shag like most guys these days, and it curls a bit just at the ends so that his hair goes along with his hat. – Perfect hat hair – It’s a dark brown, and his eyes are green. A gorgeous green. – I hate to admit this, but his eyes are actually more amazing then my brothers. – he has a crooked smile which he flashed to Dakota and I while we were walking up to them, and his body looks pretty nice, he has nice shoulders and arms, he looks like he could have a 6 pack, and I’m pretty sure he’s a ladies man. Wonder what my brother is going to think of that.

His brother Cole on the other hand has blonde hair and a nice crooked smile too, his eyes are hazel, and he too has a nice body, his shoulders aren’t as good looking as Drew’s, but they’re fine enough for me, except he’s 20.

“And your names are?” I hear as I suddenly realize Drew saw me check them out, he must think I’m some sort of freak. Or he’s happy that I think he’s cute, because he could probably tell what I was thinking.

“Oh um I’m Kimberly, and this is my friend Dakota.” I say kind of excited that there are three good looking guys talking to me at this very moment.

“Nice to meet you two, want to go hang out somewhere other then this sidewalk?” Cole, the oldest one says.

“Um yeah sure” I say giving Dakota a quick glance to see what she thinks. Her eyes seem to be saying it’s alright with me. So I say lets go and then they start to walk towards the door to the house. The music gets even louder then it already was, as we reach the door, Trevor opens it, and gestures to us to come in. It’s a party so he obviously had no need to welcome us in, and I’m pretty sure his brothers just went over that with him in a quick sentence, a little to fast for me to even understand a word. At least I know he’s polite.

We walk in and everything seems to be a lot calmer inside then out. They lead us to the living room and we all sit down, while everyone is grinding on the floor in front of us. I look around to see if I know anyone else, and notice Chris at the corner, staring right at me. Once he finally snaps out of whatever he was thinking about, he walks over to me, ignoring the boys and Dakota, and asks me if I can talk to him. I say yes and tell Dakota to tell the guys I’ll be right back, knowing her she’ll probably tell them every detail on why I left with this other guy.

Chris leads me up stairs and into an empty room, where it’s a lot quieter compared to the rest of the house.

“I miss you.” He says once the door is closed. “I want you back. I love you.” He leans in and kisses me; I pull away after a few seconds, mad that he kissed me, because I remember seeing him with his girlfriend earlier when I was looking out of the car window.

“Why are you doing this, you have a girlfriend, we aren’t getting back together. What is it with you; you always have to cheat on the people you’re with. I have to go.” I say as I get up and slam the door shut behind me.

I walk downstairs and make my way to the living room, where Dakota and the guys are deep in conversation, ignoring the noise and people who occasionally trip or stumble over their feet. I sit down and listen in to their conversation. Dakota doesn’t even realize I’m there so I lip the words tell her I’m out at the party somewhere to Trevor, as I get up and walk upstairs again – positive that Chris left after I walked out on him, I look around a bit.

I walk into a different room, just incase he didn’t leave, and the first thing I see is a bed, no ones on it, so I take it that the room is empty. Thank god. I walk over and sit on the bed, and take a sip of my cooler. I don’t even remember how I got it so I must have grabbed it when that tray of coolers went by me and Chris when we were walking upstairs to talk. I sit there in silence for a few minutes and then I get up and look at some of the trophies that are lined up on one of the shelves beside the bed. They’re for beech volleyball – the only place I think you can actually win a trophy in beech volleyball, is California, I may be wrong; I guess I’ll have to ask whoever won these. I take a look at the name written at the bottom of the trophy, and they all read Drew. I guess the best looking one also wins all the trophies. I sit back on the bed with a trophy dated July. 30th, 2008. The July that just past. I study it carefully for a few minutes and then someone walks in and closes the door with a thud. I look over to see who it is, it’s Drew. Is he fallowing me? Probably not, this is his room after all, and he probably just wanted some quiet time.

“Um sorry, I’ll go.” I say suddenly snapping back to reality, and wondering why I ever thought he was fallowing me.

“No it’s okay I came up here to see if you were okay, I figured you had went in here after I checked the other three rooms, and saw a guy sitting by himself in one” – Chris. – “3 girls and 3 guys, doing lord knows what in another, and a girl and a guy making out in another room.”

“Oh why did you want to see if I was okay?” I ask wondering why he even cares at all; I just met him a half hour ago.

“You looked kind of down before you left again, after hearing about how drunk Dakota was going to get tonight. Was it something that guy said or did to you?

“Oh, um yeah he’s an ex, since the beginning of last month, and he told me he missed me, and then kissed me, when he’s already moved on, and has a girlfriend. It just took me by surprise. He really hurt me when we broke up. Anyways I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this we barely know each other. I’m sure you don’t care.”

“No, I like the fact that you feel like you can talk to me, even after only knowing me for a half hour.” He says flashing me his amazing crooked smile. “If he bothers you anymore tonight, let me know, I’ll deal with him.” After he says this, I can’t help but smile and say okay. He just has that effect on people where once he looks at you, you have no choice but to smile. Maybe it’s only with me, but I do like it.

We talk for 5 hours about different things, and our lives, until I realize how long it’s been. I get up and he follows, I tell him that I have to go find Dakota which will take about an hour, because she always happens to find the smallest hidden place to crawl into and pass out in every house. Just as I’m about to open the door he asks me what my age is, and I realize that we talked about a lot of things about ourselves except for that.

“16, next week. What about you?” I said knowing that he’s 17 already; I think that’s why the question never came up before. It was like I was talking to an old friend I haven’t seen or heard from in a long time.

“17 since last week.” He says. “What school are you attending?” again another question that never crossed my mind, I guess you can’t tell a person your whole life story in 5 hours.

“I go to Central, you know the bulldogs.”

“Oh yeah, me too, Maybe we can meet up and walk to school together on the first day, or do I need a car because it’s too far.” He says laughing probably because he made that last sentence rhyme?”

“I should have my drivers license by then, I’ll drive you, and take you to school, but uh, Dakota is going to have to come with us, she’s my best friend, and unless she goes with my brother to school, I already promised to go with her the first day.”

“That’s alright, here’s my number.” He says pulling out a pen from his first drawer and writing the 9 digits to his number on the palm of my hand. “Give me a call when you know what’s going on, and if you want to hangout sometime before school starts, you can call just to talk too, whatever works for you.” He says smiling his crooked smile.

“Okay I’ll definitely give you a call. See you later then I guess. It was nice meeting you.”

“You too.”

I make my way downstairs, and see Dakota stretched out on the couch passed out. I guess this house doesn’t really have secret place for her to craw into, or she just couldn’t get herself up. I walk over to her and she opens her eyes a little.

“I must have dozed off when Chris came up to me asking if I knew where Kelsey was, that boy can talk forever, I’m pretty sure he was already chatting away to me for about a half hour before he got so boring I dozed off. Even though with all this noise I’m not sure how I managed.” She says when she sees me standing over her; at least I know that she wasn’t wasted.

“Okay well its close to 1 so we better go, I told my mom I would have us home by midnight, because she knew this party was going to be out of control, it wasn’t that bad, although I’m sure she won’t believe me if I tell her that.”

“Okay let’s get going, I guess we’re walking the 5 minutes back to your house.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” We start to walk out the door and then we hear a loud scream, not just a oh my god I’m drunk kind of scream, but a HELP ME kind of scream. We rush out the back door where we thought we heard the scream come from and see a redheaded girl laying face down on the cement, there was a lot of blood and the cops were called, me and Dakota left before anyone could blame us, and ask us questions.