Heartbreak Is Falling in Love Again.

My heart started thumping so loud I could hear the blood running through it. It felt like at any second it would burst out of my chest. I hung up the phone with shaking hands and watched it slip from my grip and hit the floor with a clank. How could this have happened? How long had it been going on without me knowing?
I didn’t think I just acted as I grabbed my stuff and left Dakota’s house. I made a mental note to call her as soon as I could. I stormed down the drive way so fast and I thumped my way home. I probably looked like some crazy psycho killer but I didn’t really care. Morgan had been gone for weeks. Did he just start this with her or is this old news and I was just too stupid to notice anything odd?
I sat in my room crying for about an hour. Could this possibly be true? Drew had never been anything but amazing to me and Cole was Morgan’s boyfriend. Of course she was unfaithful, but Drew would never betray his brother like that. Or would he?
I thought I knew Drew; I thought I could depend on him and tell him everything. Apparently I couldn’t. Morgan had warned me about this happening, well it was more of a “he would fall in love with her”, but it’s still in the same criteria. What if Drew did fall in love with her? What if she had played innocent and tricked him into believing her bullshit, exactly like my brother did?
I was so frustrated and hurt and the tears wouldn’t stop. I kept trying to wipe them away but the liquid just continued to flow from my eyes. This couldn’t be happening, not again. When I finally did stop I shook up the courage to actually go to his house and confront him on what I had heard. It had to be true because Chris had no other reason for being there. I knew he liked Morgan he had told me in one of the emails he sent me and so I knew that if he found out what was happening he’d want to ruin me for not taking him back. It’s how Chris was.
I walked quickly down the stairs and ran to my jeep and got in. I put the key in the ignition and turned the car on. I didn’t even bother to turn up the volume for the music I just concentrated on the road and getting to Drew’s house. I drove up and into the stony drive way I was so familiar with and walked up to the door and pounded it so hard my fist hurt. Drew wasn’t the one to answer the door though, Cole was. He looked confused; I could tell he was wondering about why I was so mad. But I didn’t explain I just asked for Drew.
He finally came to the door and when he saw me he went to give me a hug but I pushed him away. “I’m sorry.” He said. “I don’t know what came over me.” I was just about ready to throw him through a window. He was sorry? As if, he may have been sorry for pushing me, but he was definitely not sorry for his little affair with Morgan.
“For what?! Pushing me so hard I bled or for sleeping with Morgan?!” His face turned from general concern to confusion and hurt.
“Is that what you think? I slept with Morgan?” He shook his head. “I never did.”
“That’s a lie Drew and you know it!” I was screaming so loud it felt like my lungs were going to burst. He went to talk but I cut him off. “Because I have my proof, Chris told me everything and when I called your house this morning he was the one to answer the phone.” This time Drew’s face went to anger.
“You believe him instead of me? Are you insane?” He went to grab my hand but I pulled away. He couldn’t just wiggle his way through this. He should have known that I would have found out eventually there isn’t any point in him denying it.
“You did push me yesterday Drew and I tried to talk to you but you wouldn’t talk to me. And you were drinking a whole bottle of Smirnoff and that isn’t like you. Oh and why else would Chris be at your house. You guys didn’t become friend did you?” He didn’t answer. “Didn’t think so.”
“Fine!” he yelled. “You want to believe that then believe it because every single bit of it is true.” He stopped talking. Then he started again. “Of course I slept with Morgan I mean who wouldn’t? She offers I take? Isn’t that who I am to you?! I just sleep with girls and I’m not faithful to my girlfriend?” I could here the bitter sarcasm in his icy tone. “Are you happy? You just got the answer you would have gotten both ways because you wouldn’t have believed me anyways.” I couldn’t tell if he was telling me that he did sleep with her or that he didn’t. I could feel the tears rise up in my eyes and then fall down the sides of my face.
“So you did sleep with her?” I said quietly.
“Whatever yes, I did dammit!” He walked away slamming the door behind him. I couldn’t leave his property though, I couldn’t move. I sunk down to the ground and curled up in a ball on his lawn. I heard bits and pieces of what sounded like a fight coming from inside the house. It was between Drew and Cole.
“YOU SLEPT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND?!” I heard Cole shout so loud that the windows could have shattered.
“DON’T TALK TO ME!” Drew shouted and then I heard a slam against the wall. It was loud enough that the whole neighborhood could have heard it if they were paying attention. “WHAT THE HELL!” and then the front door opened and Cole came out and laid down next to me, cradling me in his arms. Repeating to me over and over that everything would be okay.

Things had been hell for me in the last week. Dakota and Justin comforted me the best they could but I usually just walked the hall ways alone ignoring everything and everyone keeping my head down as I went along. And the parts of my day that I had class with Drew sucked twice as much. The seating arrangements were settled and it was too late in the year to switch them.
Drew looked happy; every time I saw him he was smiling. I just kept my eyes down on my paper or up at the teacher and pretended that it wasn’t awkward, but of course it was. When I would shoot him the occasional glance he was either passing a note to a girl across the room or talking to some of the guys that used to be on his volleyball team. He had never associated with them before but I guess I kept him from talking to them. He had moved on the second it was over.
No one in school knew the reason we broke up, it was just a bunch of rumors and I wasn’t the kind of girl to talk about my problems to the world and it seemed like Drew didn’t want to wreck his reputation by telling people. So no one knew the real reason. Some people guessed it and happened to be right but as far as anyone was concerned they were all just rumors.
After every class I had with Drew I would go to the bathroom and cry my guts out. I got into the habit of bringing makeup to school with me so that when I left no one would suspect anything. Dakota would sometimes find me in there and try to talk to me and tell me that everything would be okay, but I mostly just tuned her out after a while and she eventually left for her next class.
I didn’t really talk to anyone that much anymore, it had only been a week, but a lot had changed. I felt awkward and out of place at school and Justin didn’t even attempt to make conversation with me anymore. In one week my life went from bad to worse.
The week after that things just kept going down hill. Even though I had studied I didn’t have my tutor anymore to help me so I flunked science. Drew was always the expert and he always helped me when I needed it. Now I didn’t have anyone to help me keep my grades up. Drew carried on with his smiles and girls and I continued to mope around.
I agree that getting exercise and doing my hair once in a while would be good but I just didn’t feel like doing much. And I didn’t feel like moving much either. I talked to my mom about moving into a smaller house, but she thought I meant switching high schools and moving across town. And she just told me that I shouldn’t run away from my problems. I tried to protest and tell her that I just meant something smaller in the same area but she just shook her head and told me that life is hard but I have to get through it.
I hadn’t talked to Dakota, ignoring her calls every night after dinner. She would call at the same time every night and I knew when to expect it. I don’t even know what’s going on with Justin anymore, not making any effort in asking him how his day was. I felt bad but I always felt sick when I tried to form words.
Cole and Morgan broke up the day Drew and I did. Morgan hadn’t denied it and so life was hell for both of us. Cole had already gotten over it though, and he would come over to the house and comfort me when he could. I eventually –after the third week– stopped letting him come over because he reminded me too much of the day Drew and I ended up together when Justin was still in the hospital.
My mom worried about me a lot and she would always try to talk me into going shopping for some new clothes or going out and looking for a job because all I’m doing is moping around the house. I didn’t know why I was so brought down, but I was. And I hadn’t realized how much I loved Drew until he wasn’t mine anymore.
The cut on my arm scared and I rubbed some sort of cream that gets rid of scars on it everyday, finally after a month and two weeks had passed it went away. I smiled at it and for some reason the rest of my day was happy and cheerful. It carried on through the weekend and I emailed Dakota and started talking to Justin. They seem shocked by my sudden excitement and I was too.
I started to hang out with Dakota again and Justin and I were very close again. Dakota and I went back to the way things were before and when she brought up Drew I would just look down at my arm where the scar had been and say “He’s gone.” And that would be the end of the topic. And I would continue my day like any other normal day.
It still hurt a lot to have his name brought up but I pushed the pain away as best as I could and ignored it. In class with him I would smile and talk to the girls around me. I would notice Drew look at me from now and then from the corner of my eye and I could see that he was wondering what brought up my mood. But I just ignored him after and continued talking and smiling.
The end of the year dance was coming up in a few weeks and so far no one had asked me. Then one day as I was working in class with Drew’s sudden gazes now and then a boy walked into the room. He was cute and I recognized him immediately. He was my elementary school crush. His name was Fausto and he had definitely changed a lot. I hadn’t even known he’d even been going to this school. When he walked over and sat down in front of me he told me that he had been going to Central for a few months now, but he just switched classes.
We talked a lot and I could see Drew turn his full attention towards us but then get distracted and it made me laugh a little to know that he was still probably a little jealous. Fausto told me all about his life since the last time I saw him and I learned that he had moved to Florida for grade 9 and had come back a few months ago because his parents got divorced and he now lived with his dad making summer visits.
I found him very interesting. He seemed to know a lot about everything, and then the bell went and we stood up. Drew stood up beside me waiting for his friend Jared to come and meet him and that’s when Fausto popped the question and asked me if I would go with him. I looked over at Drew through the corner of my eye and I felt a tinge of sadness wash over me. We had plans to go to this dance, but that was before we broke up.
I still remember us getting a head of ourselves talking about what we would where and where we would go before arriving “fashionably late” so that all eyes were on us as we walked down the marble stair case into the crowd of people. I met Drew’s gaze for a minute and I saw that he looked upset with this question, but we were done and he had made that decision up for us, so I turned back to Fausto and told him I would go with him.
A smile stretched across his face and I smiled too. I remember Fausto being the super funny guy who had his way with the girls. A smooth talker. He was still the same Fausto, but he knew his boundaries. We walked out of the class room together talking and laughing and I was glad that I had made a new friend or date … either way nothing was official and nothing was going to happen.
We ended up sharing our last period class together too. And we parted ways in the parking lot and went to our vehicles. We had made plans to hang out this weekend with Dakota and Justin. It seemed like it would be fun. I got into my jeep and sat there for a minute until I pulled the mirror down and fixed the hair that I now started to pretty up every morning again. I pushed the mirror back up and jumped half way out of my seat when I heard a tap on the window. I looked over and rolled down my window.
“Jesus Kimberly, it’s just me.” He said with a grin on his face. I had seen him around and although we never talked we still acknowledged one another.
“Chris. What do you want?” I said more whining then angry.
“A ride.” He said and then I nodded. He got into my jeep with a thud and I backed out of the parking lot and turned onto the road. “My house.” He said. I nodded and drove down the familiar streets that would take me to his house.
“So what happened to your car?” I asked confused. Chris never went anywhere without his car.
“It crashed. I need a new one. So do you mind picking me up from school and driving me home for now?” It seemed like a big question for him to be asking me. But I nodded and started to talk.
“Okay that’s fine.” We pulled up into his drive way and he said thank you while getting out of the car. I watched him walk up to his door and then right when he was about to turn the knob he looked back at me and waved. I waved back and then pulled out of the drive way and started my way home. When I got there I could smell my moms cooking. She was baking cookies and when I went into the kitchen there they sat fresh out of the oven, warm and moist. I grabbed one saying hi to my mom and skipped up to my room.
I started to think about the dance and I couldn’t help but smile at the fact that I was going with Fausto. I mean he wasn’t Drew, and I hadn’t moved on but this was a good start. I laughed and then felt guilty after because part of me said yes just because Drew was standing there. But I did actually want to go with Fausto.
I started to think about the summer and how in just a few short weeks that’s what I’d be heading into. I imagined the bright sun against my somewhat pale skin and the blue water at the beach everything would be perfect and relaxing and after the year I’ve had I think I deserved that much. And again I smiled which I do a lot of now. I was just generally happy.