Heartbreak Is Falling in Love Again.

Drew – still looking at me – got up and left. I looked at my brother for one long second. “Go” he said. I ran out of there so fast and rushed through the halls yelling Drew’s name. I was shushed by a lot of people, but that didn’t stop me. Finally, I saw him in the main entrance his back facing me, about to walk out the doors.
“DREW!” I yelled. He continued walking. “DREW. WAIT PLEASE.” He stopped at the edge of the parking lot, where one of the many forests started, and turned around. “I’m so, so sorry Drew.” I said catching my breath. I wiped my eyes and realized I was still crying.

“Do you even know how much you hurt me Kimberly? Do you even know what you did to me?” he said wiping his own tears away.

“I’m sorry, I know you saw us together today, and the things we did. But I swear there is nothing going on with us, we’re just friends.” I said my apology sincere.

“Just friends? You’re telling me that you two are just friends. You guys have so much passion for each other. How can I ever compete with that?” he said, a new layer of tears coming down his face.

“You don’t have to compete with him; he’s just a good friend. Don’t you see, nothing has ever been more passionate then us.” Those words were the truest things I had ever said. “I think I love you Drew.”

“Is that a lie?” He asked.

“Not at all.”

The next thing I knew his lips were on mine and it was the most passionate thing I had ever experienced. Then he pulled away and looked into my eyes. “I love you Kimberly.” He said, and then his lips were on mine again.

I know that I wanted Cole earlier, but I couldn’t help but think that I always thought of Drew whenever I was around him. I know I won’t ever admit this, and I know it seems harsh, but is it possible to want someone so badly and the person closest to you is their brother that you go for them instead of taking what you really want because you think its too good to be true?

I pulled away from the kiss, and looked at him.

“Is that a lie?” I asked.

“Not at all.” Was his reply, and then for what it seemed like the millionth time, his lips were back on mine.

What do you do when you can’t sleep at 2 in the morning? You call your best friend. It rang four times before she answered it.

“What do you want?” Dakota’s voice was scratchy and tired. I didn’t think she would have been asleep. She’s never asleep at 2 in the morning.

“I can’t sleep.” I said, and then suddenly I realized I was tired. This week had been a long sleepless week. Drew and I started dating 2 months ago, and we’ve been trying to clear our schedules to hang out. He always has volleyball, and I always have basketball. Both seasons will be done in a month, but we still have right now. Our little fights have been keeping me up, wondering if everything will be okay in the morning.

“Again? Kimberly, you’ve called me everyday last week, and most of this week, everything will be okay in the morning.” She said, obviously knowing what I was thinking.

“It’s Friday morning, and what if everything isn’t okay for the rest of today? What if the fight we had – basically just a few hours ago – doesn’t turn out well when we talk?”

“Kimberly. Listen to me, everything will be fine. Go to sleep!” And then the phone clicked and the other line was dead.

The only reason that we fought was because we both wanted to see each other more, and with practices and games almost everyday, and then on weekends he usually has to work with his mom so he can start saving for college, which is another downer to everything because next year he’ll be graduating and then I’ll be stuck here without him, but anyways, we just get frustrated with ourselves and then get mad at each other.

I fell into a dreamless sleep after a while of panicking and woke up to my annoying alarm clock. I checked my cell phone to see if I had gotten any text messages – I seemed to be texting a lot lately – and I had one message.

Meet me in the forest by our special spot today.

Love you. Xoxo.

The text message was from Drew. I flipped my phone shut and got ready, and then I put on my jacket and my knee high heels I had gotten for Christmas this year and walked out of my house. I got into my jeep, and pulled out of the driveway.

I didn’t know if I was supposed to meet him now or later but I decided to go now. It was still early, I only took a half hour to get ready, I even skipped my shower this morning, and I hate doing that. So it was 7:10 and I just parked outside of the forest and got out of my jeep.
I started to walk into the forest towards the middle of it, where a random patch of snow always melts away and leaves it grassy. Drew and I call this our special place, it was where we ended up the night after I went to see my brother at the hospital and all the drama happened and we ended up together.

It takes around 10 minutes to get there from the starting and I was only half way there, so 5 more minutes to go. It was a cold February morning, and the snow was up to my knees. So it was a good thing there was a pathway of basically no snow, to walk on.

I looked around as I walked; it was pretty outside. A newly coat of snow had fallen and covered the trees. It glistened; sparkly, and was very pretty with the awakening sun. I hadn’t seen the forest like this before. Ever.

I got to the middle where I thought I was supposed to be, and saw Drew there, his hair damp, and his green eyes glittering. He looked perfect. I walked over to him and hugged him. He had the best hug in the world. He looked different today, he looked more sophisticated but sexy. I don’t even know why though. I pulled away from the hug and looked into his eyes.

“I’m sorry that we keep fighting.” I said wanting this to be over with so I could just kiss him. “In a month our schedules will be cleared and we can spend so much more time together.”

“I know, and I’m sorry too. It’s not your fault that our schedules are too full and that we hardly have any time to spend together.” He cuffed my chin into his hands and looked deeply into my eyes. I couldn’t resist, I had to do it.

I leaned into him and pulled him closer to me, I felt the warmth of him wrap around me. I joined my lips with his, and closed my eyes. I wanted him, all of him. And he was all mine. We were pushing into each other trying to find the perfect balance. I suddenly realized I was backing up; I felt a thud against my back and then a splash of cool icy stuff and realized I had fallen into a snow bank. The bank took the shape of our bodies as we continued to kiss, the movement of our lips becoming more passionate as we kept going.

I pulled away from him to catch my breath, I was breathing heavily. He was too. We hadn’t taken our relationship to the next level yet, because I didn’t want to rush. But I always found myself giving into the temptation of it, and then stopping myself. He pulled me back into him and we continued on just the same as before for a few minutes until I pulled him away again.

“Drew, I’m – sorry – but – we – can’t.” I said through heavy breathing. I wanted it to happen, but I didn’t want to rush, and I didn’t want it to happen in a snow bank. He put his hand to my cheek and then kissed me for a few short seconds then got up and helped me up.

I rubbed the snow off my clothes and then I took his hand into mine, and they intertwined. His thumb was rubbing back and forth on mine, and I loved it when he did stuff like that. I smiled and looked at him.

“I’m sorry, I want to I really do, but I don’t want to rush it okay. I know what might happen if we do and I don’t want to lose you.” I said trying to make him understand.

“I know where you’re coming from, but you need to trust me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know you aren’t, because I won’t let you.” And then I turned to face him and stopped him in his tracks. I was still holding his hand. I had to go on my tip toes this time, because he didn’t meet me half way, and then I kissed his lips softly. “I love you.” I said and then this time he had to lean down and kiss me. He kissed me softly for a long time, it was nice. He pulled away.

“I love you too.” He said and then we walked back to my jeep. I didn’t know if he brought his car to drive us to school in, but I guess he really didn’t care. He insisted he drive and so I tossed him my keys and we drove to school.

We talked a lot on our way there, we always talked a lot, and we never shut up. I liked hearing his voice and his answers to any questions I might have had. I liked that he was a talkative person. Chris only wanted the physical stuff, but Drew he wanted that but he wanted more. He wanted to talk to me, not just kiss me every second of the day.

He pulled into his usual parking space and we got out of the jeep. He walked over to me, and held my hand winding his fingers through mine. We spent 45 minutes in the forest and made it to school in 15 minutes, because unfortunately he was speeding.

“I am never letting you drive my car again.” I said turning my face towards him and smiling.

“Just because I drove just a little bit over the speed limit?” he said flashing me a big smile.

“A little? Don’t kid yourself Drew, that was a lot over the limit and you know it. You almost hit three cars on your way here.”

“Ha but I didn’t.” he said grinning. “You’re just lucky you have me as a good driver who will get you to school on time.” He said commenting yet again on his driving skills. Which he usually did on days like today, where he got me to school on time, when it seemed nearly impossible.

I smiled and then turned to him and kissed his lips softly. “At least you got me to school on time.” I said and then we walked through the doors and went to our lockers. Drew’s locker was right next to mine; he used his charm to get the principal to switch his and Chris’s lockers. Chris wasn’t too happy; he was still trying to get me back again, even now. Anyways it didn’t matter, because I was with Drew now, and no one has made me happier. “So tonight I’m hanging out with Cole, you have volleyball practice you said, so I’ll come by after?” I said starting off a new topic before class.

“Um yeah sure, practice doesn’t end until 7 or 8 I’ll call you to let you know.” He said questioning whether it would be too late or not.

We talked while he walked me to class, and then he kissed me before he left to go to his – he got kicked out of Mr. Banner’s class and moved to a different one, because he found the work to easy. – I walked in and Mr. Banner told me to take my seat, so I did. He prattled on about how we’re starting a new review unit from back in grade 9, something about the circumference of a circle. I remember that, I was kind of good at it, really good actually. After that I blanked out and stared out the class room window.

It was sunny outside, a nice February basically march – in just a few days – day. The blue sky had very little clouds out today, and everything just looked so calm. I never really listened in math class, but it was usually my best subject, I always aced it.

I wanted so badly for the class to end, because my next class was with Drew, and then we both had lunch together, but it seemed like forever until the bell finally rang. I jumped up from my seat excitedly, knowing I was going to see Drew in just a few short minutes and rushed out of the classroom and through the halls.

I was used to not having Cole there with me now, since I realized that he never had actually gone to the school, he was just off college for a few weeks, don’t exactly know why though. But every time I saw him here at school it was because he was usually going to see Trevor and sometimes Drew.

The white painted walls were dizzy making as I ran through the halls to get to my locker, and the new tile that was just put there that weekend, still nice, shiny, glossy, and waxed, didn’t exactly help me in my time of need. I kept finding myself slipping and sliding as I continued running.

It seemed like hours until I finally reached my locker, when really it was only around a minute. Drew wasn’t there, so I went to the gym it seemed unlikely that he would be there, but maybe there was something through the P.A system that I missed. So I walked down the halls towards the gymnasium.

I stopped right when I got to the door, because I heard an unfamiliar voice giggling, and then a very familiar voice told her to get away from him. So I walked in, but what I saw was different from what I heard. They were wrapped in each others arms, kissing. It was Justin and some girl? What about Dakota? It took them a few seconds to notice I was there, but when they did Justin looked furiously at the girl.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked the disappointment and anger leaking through every word.

“Kim.” He started.

“Don’t call me Kim.” I said angrily.

“It wasn’t what you thought, Dakota and I are together, and I’ve been trying to tell her that, but she won’t listen. And then she just out of nowhere kissed me.” He said bitterly.

“But you didn’t pull away.” I stated.

“I was trying, but then I just gave up until she was done, because I knew I wasn’t going to win.” The girl was just staring at me in horrid.

“What’s her name?” I asked sourly.

“Ugh my names Morgan.” She said with a little too much attitude.

“Was I talking to you?” I snapped. “No, so get the hell out of here before I throw you through the god damn doors.” She did as I told her, making sure to give me one very bad look before leaving. I turned to Justin again.

“So are you going to tell Dakota? Or am I?” I asked. He walked over to the stage and sat down placing his head in his hands. “Justin, she deserves to know, even if it really was nothing.” He kept his head in his hands.

“I can’t believe she’s back. It’s impossible; I can’t believe she’s back.” He repeated this for a while, and then finally I cut in.

“She’s back? Justin what do you mean she’s back?” I asked. “You know her from before?” I went to the stage and sat down beside him.

He looked up at me, water filling his eyes, and then he got up and walked out the emergency exit doors, which led outside. I got up and followed him.

“Justin! What do you mean she’s back? Who was she.” I think I deserved to know at least that.

He sat down on the gravely pavement and I did the same. “You have to promise not to say anything okay? I’ll tell Dakota when I’m ready, but for right now I want this to be only between us.” He said in a rush of words, but making his warning clear.

“Okay.” I said. “Can you please tell me now?”

“Alright, well I never told anyone about her, a few people knew I was with her, a lot of people didn’t.” he paused and then continued. “It was a two year thing, she basically ruined my life.” He stopped. That was it? I needed more, so I pressed further.

“What do you mean she ruined your life?” I asked with concern in my voice.

“I lost” Pause. “My virginity to her in grade 8; we liked each other, so I thought. Grade 9 I knew I loved her. What I didn’t know was how miserable she could make me. She broke up with me for this popular guy in grade 11. One day he went missing. She came to me, tears in her eyes, told me that he abused her. For me that was the line, I couldn’t take it, even if she wasn’t mine anymore, I couldn’t let someone do that to her. She told me that in her own self defense she tied him up and threw him in the closet at her house.” A long pause occurred after that. He looked up at me again and tears rolling down his face and then began again. “I told her that everything would be fine, that I’d come to her house that second and straighten him out, so she never had to hear from him again.

“She kissed me then, and we” Pause. “… again. She told me she loved me, and that she made a big mistake breaking up with me, but when we got to her house and in her room he wasn’t tied up. She lied to me to set me up. She slept with me, knowing that even if I wanted to leave I wouldn’t because she would have made me think that she wanted me.

“I thought she set me up anyways. He pulled out a knife, and lunged at me, but I twisted his hand the other way and the knife went through his chest. She finished him up with a quick kick to the head and tied one end of a rope around his neck, and the other very short end to the ceiling, and that was it. He was dead.” He paused and took a breath.

“We buried him right where a house was to be built the next day; we got rid of all the evidence and buried it with him. Her and her family moved the next day, I didn’t want her to come back, it was her fault for everything, but I killed him. I was miserable the next few months, I thought that she might come back and torture me some more. I tried not to let my scared thoughts show. I tried to forget about it, forget about the guy who was killed and I was doing a good job of it until today.” Pause. “But you know what’s worse? Knowing that I still crave her touch, that I would give anything for it. That kiss in there meant nothing at all, but it meant everything. I hate myself for it. I’m in love with Dakota, but Morgan, she’s something, she has the power to get anyone she wants, and she makes them fall for her fake act.” He looked at me.

“Is that everything?” I asked.

“Yes, that’s everything.” He said, bursting into full on tears. I nodded and then got up and left. I needed some time to think, I know it was self defense, but he helped kill someone, and that is a lot to take in.

I didn’t want to skip; I wanted to be with Drew. So I did what I was trying to do in the first place; I looked for him. I found him sitting by our lockers with someone, they were too far away to make out, but as soon as I saw those red glossy pumps, that slimming black party dress, and those chocolate brown eyes and medium brown hair; I knew exactly who it was … Morgan.

It had only taken me one look to memorize it, she was outstandingly beautiful. I was jealous, but then I remembered something Justin had said. She puts on a fake act and can get anyone she wants; now I wasn’t jealous, I was mad.

I walked over to them fast and she quickly scrambled to her feet. I gave her a quick phony smile. “GET OUT OF HERE!” I screamed. Everyone turned to face me. “LEAVE!”

“Whoa” Drew said standing up. “What’s the problem? She’s new here give her a break.” He said.

“Excuse me? No I will not give her a break; she has to leave, now!” He weaved his fingers through mine and nodded.

“Wait!” pause. “So you two are together?” Morgan asked.

“Yes we are, now leave.” Again, she did as I told her too, smirking at me, and then turning her gaze towards Drew and giving him a soft innocent smile. Everyone went back to what they were doing. Drew and I walked silently to our next class.

We reached the classroom, and Mr. Banner wasn’t there yet, so we took our regular seats beside each other. Nothing was said and when the teacher walked into the room and started talking Drew held onto my hand and rubbed his thumb along the creases of my own thumb.

Time flew by and soon it was the end of the day. Drew went to volleyball and I met Dakota at her locker. It didn’t take long before her perfectly paced footsteps appeared right in front of us.

“I know you know.” Morgan began. “But you need to know this too. Drew is going to fall in love with me, and Justin already has.” She finished in an icy tone, and then she turned around and walked away. I could feel the colour drain from my face, and then Dakota looked at me.

“What is she talking about? Does she mean Justin, Justin?” she asked, panic striking through her voice. I didn’t answer. “Kimberly what is going on?” again I didn’t answer, but I needed air, so I just walked outside the doors leaving Dakota with a bunch of unanswered questions. I couldn’t tell her though, I promised.

I ran over to my jeep and put the key in the ignition. I drove on the smoothly paved road and tried not to think about anything, but it didn’t work. Drew wouldn’t do something like that to me. He wouldn’t fall for it, I know him, and he won’t, but there is always a chance he might, and I don’t know what I’m going to do if that might turns into a definitely.

I parked into the driveway and got out of the jeep, walking up the pathway to the Mannican’s house. I tried to hit the door lightly with my fist, but instead I let my anger show and it was way louder then necessary.

I stood there for a few seconds and then finally the door opened and out came Cole, Morgan beside him. How come she knows how to get to me already? I hate her so much and I just met her. I had three options. One; kick the shit out of her, right then and there, but that wouldn’t solve anything except for my urge to actually hit her. Two; I could tell the cops, but then Justin would be involved too. And three; Play it cool, and act like nothing was wrong, and tell Cole about it later. I went with option three, it felt safer.

“Kimberly, hey come in.” He greeted me. “I’m just going to finish getting ready and then we can all go out and”

“All?” I asked cutting him off. “What do you mean all? She is not coming with us.” He looked surprised to see me so angry.

“Yeah, Morgan is the girlfriend I was telling you about. She hasn’t met Drew yet, but we can let him meet her later.” WHORE!

“Yeah alright, she seems … okay.” BITCH! STAY AWAY FROM HIM. “Let’s go to the bar, one where they don’t card you.