Restless Heart Syndrome

Though it was my fault for agreeing to it and for falling in love with my ex-boyfriend again, I could not take the lying and betrayal anymore. It was getting harder and harder to hide my feelings for Billie Joe when he and Tre were in the same room. Billie Joe did not have to hide it like I did. Tre was well aware of the fact that he still had feelings for me. He was unaware of the fact that I was in love with Billie Joe, and not him.

Billie and I had been doing everything we could to see each other. If it meant sneaking out of the house while Tre was asleep, that is what happened. Things were going as well as they possibly could be, considering the fact that I was in the middle of planning a wedding to one of his best friends. Neither one of us knew what we were going to do with the wedding now only being two weeks away. How could I marry Tre based on a lie? How could I have allowed myself to become the biggest hypocrite there ever was?

--

I had just walked in the door after spending the night away from Tre to be with him. I felt relieved when I saw he was still asleep; it was another day I could get away with being the one thing I hated more than anything in the world. I quickly and quietly laid down next to Tre as I had when I went to ‘bed’ that night.

I felt his arms go around my waist not too shortly after I had gotten in bed. I then felt him kiss the back of my neck softly which lead me to believe he was awake when I came in, and that made me panic. Did he know I was gone all night?

“Where were you last night, Audrey?” Tre whispered softly. I froze in sheer and utter panic. I could not speak; I could not form the words to say what I needed to say. I searched my head desperately for an excuse. He knew my family lived in a different state, so I could not use that as an excuse. I knew that if I laid here and said nothing that would be worse than if I told a lie, so I forced myself to spit something out.

“I-I had to help my friend with something,” I stuttered pathetically. I still refused to turn around and face him. I was a horrible liar, even he knew that.

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” he responded. His voice was eerily calm. The sense of panic and anxiety I was feeling continued to grow as I began desperately convincing myself that the worst had not happened. It was futile and pointless, but I told myself over and over than he did not know about my affair. That could have been the worst thing to ever happen to me.

“What are you talking about?” My voice was dull and quiet. I allowed a few tears to roll down my cheeks. They were out of fear, more for Billie Joe than myself. I knew he would not do anything to me. I, however, had no clue what he would do to Billie. He would love to destroy him despite their friendship for taking me away from him. He was pissed off just when he kissed me. I hated to think of how it would be if he knew half of the things we had done together over the past two months.

“Don’t be stupid,” Tre laughed. “I’m not fucking stupid, so stop insulting my intelligence.” I thought momentarily about turning around to face him, but I decided against it. I wanted so badly to get up and walk away from this before it got any further, but I could not. It was almost as if I was paralyzed; unable to move due to the panic that I was in. Everything had certainly felt right about this situation up until this point in time.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Tre?” I spat quickly. I could play this for as long as I needed to.

“I know you were with Billie Joe, Audrey. I saw you kiss him the night we got engaged. I’ve known since day one, so please, stop lying to me. I won’t lie and say it hasn’t hurt me, but I think I always knew something would happen sometime. I also think that maybe, if you wanted to, we could work things out. I won’t keep living a lie though. So, you need to decide who you want; me or Billie Joe. What will it be, Audrey?”