Restless Heart Syndrome

I felt every muscle in my body become even tenser than they already were. He knew the whole time what was going on. It never really was a secret affair, just an affair. It was just an endless string of useless and pointless lies. My heart broke, not for myself or Billie Joe, but for Tre. It had to hurt knowing the woman you are supposed to marry is screwing your best friend while planning your wedding.

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” I answered softly. I needed to know why he allowed this to go on, and I also wanted to allow myself time before I shattered his heart entirely. I loved Tre, I really did, I just loved Billie Joe in a different way than I loved him.

“Would you have admitted to it then?” Tre asked with a slight laugh. I could hear the sadness in his voice; I was beginning to really hate myself.

“I admitted to it now, didn’t I? I never wanted to hurt you, Tre.” I knew that meant nothing to him because if I had truly meant what I said to him, my relationship with Billie Joe would be nonexistent. You do not cheat on someone with their best friend and not mean to hurt them.

“Then you shouldn’t have slept with him,” he responded, very understandably pissed off at me.

“Nothing I can say or do will make you feel better, Tre.” I sat up in the bed in order to get up. As I made my way over to the closet to get my things, I finally glanced at Tre. It was the first time I saw the look of pain and betrayal on his face and in his eyes.

“Staying with me would make it better,” he muttered under his breath. I looked back over at him as I was gathering my things, he knew I was leaving; I had to. I loved Billie Joe. I could not do this to myself, Billie, or Tre anymore. If this continued, everyone would end up getting hurt more than they would if it ended right now.

“No, it wouldn’t and you know that Tre.”

“Can’t you give us a chance, Audrey? You gave Billie Joe a chance after he fucked it up,” Tre attempted to reason. “I never cheated on you, I never even thought of it. Even when I knew you were out with my best friend, I didn’t think about it. Doesn’t that mean anything?”

“You have to understand that I’m still in love with him, and I can’t do that to you anymore,” I sighed. “I can’t hurt you like this, Tre. Don’t do this to yourself. I’ll only break your heart.”

“What’s the difference? You already have.”

I could not respond to this. How could I? I looked over at him before I walked out of the room, forgetting about the things I had needed to still gather, and down the stairs while ignoring the fact that Tre was pleading with me to give him another chance. He knew that I could not do this. He knew I had to get back to where I belonged; with Billie Joe Armstrong, the man that I would always love no matter what.