Restless Heart Syndrome

A Month and a Half Later

I had no contact with Tre since I had left. I knew I was wrong for doing this, but I couldn’t bring myself to face it. I knew that I had hurt him badly that night, and probably over the time that he knew I was cheating on him. Although I kept it to myself, I was feeling terribly guilty about everything. Despite all the evidence suggesting the opposite, I had loved Tre at some point and I never meant to hurt him. I never planned on falling in love with Billie Joe again, and considering that he had only cheated on me once and I left him for it, I was not only a terrible person, but a hypocrite as well.

Other than this, I was happy. Now that we didn’t have to hide anything, things were a lot easier for Billie Joe and I. I could tell by the way he acted and the look in his eyes that he was happy, yet he was feeling the same guilt I was. This lead me to wondering if we could ever be truly happy, the way we were before we broke up, ever again. I was seriously beginning to doubt it, due to the circumstances and certain complications which had come up.

Although I assumed that my period was late due to stress, a whole month and a half had gone by. I had to think realistically and realize that I may or not be pregnant and unaware who the father of my baby was. I never imagined that I would have to deal with that, but it seemed to be very real now. I was so fucking scared that I’d lose everything if it truly was the case. After all, why the fuck should Billie Joe have to stay with me and raise a kid that wasn’t his? I would never expect him to do that. And if it turned out that I was pregnant, and it was Tre’s baby, there was no way I could ask him to take me back. Not after what I’d done.

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, I looked down at the home pregnancy test I had taken earlier and I felt more scared than I ever had before. Not that it was a surprise that it came back positive, but it didn’t mean that I was exactly prepared to deal with everything that one little symbol meant.

I was still basically in a state of denial, so the fear was the only real emotion I felt. If I had been thinking, I surely wouldn’t have so calmly walked downstairs, written Billie Joe a note just in case he got home before I did, got in my car, and drove over to Tre’s house. If I had even been thinking I probably wouldn’t have gone to Tre first with this announcement, but that’s what I did, regardless. It wasn’t until I saw Tre’s ragged and pained face when he opened the door that I finally understood what the fuck was actually happening.

“Audrey? What do you want?” Tre asked with barely masked disgust in his voice. My heart broke when I saw him. His eyes were bloodshot, he hadn’t shaved in a while, and he looked as though he had lost weight. I felt terrible for doing this; both for leaving him and for coming here like this.

“I just needed to tell you something that I thought you should know,” I said softly.

“What is it?” He demanded.

“I’m so sorry, Tre. I--”

“Just tell me what the fuck you want, Audrey.”

For the first time since I fully grasped what was going on, tears filled my eyes. “I’m pregnant, and it might be your baby.”