Restless Heart Syndrome

When I woke up the next morning, Billie Joe had already left. I was not sure where he was or what he was doing. I thought about calling him to see when he would be home, but I decided it would be better to just give him his space. Things had gone better than I thought they would last night, but some alone time to process everything would probably do both of us some good.

I quickly realized, though, that alone time was not good for me at all. I had done enough thinking the day before. I needed something or someone to distract me from everything that was going on in my life for a little while. I thought about it for a while and I decided that I would take some time to clean the house a little bit. Not that it really needed to be clean, but it was something that would keep my mind and focus occupied for a little bit.

As I was working on gathering all of the things I would need, the doorbell rang. I considered ignoring it, but then I thought it might be someone important. I took a quick glance out the window and my heart rate quickened when I saw Tre's car in the driveway. I had no clue what to do. I had no desire to talk to him again after how badly things had ended the last time we spoke. I realized that he probably would not have come here if it was not important, so I hesitantly went over and opened the door. Tre smiled weakly at me and I returned the smile.

"If you're looking for Billie Joe-"

"I'm not here to talk to him, I'm here to talk to you," Tre said cutting me off. I nodded in response and I stepped to the side so he could come inside the house. We walked to the living room and sat down.

"What did you want to talk to me about, Tre?" I asked, breaking the awkward silence that had filled the room.

"I wanted to apologize for how I treated you yesterday, Audrey," he replied softly. I looked at him with an expression of confusion on my face. While things definitely could have gone better between us, he had every right to be upset with me. I was the one who cheated on him with his best friend. If anyone should be apologizing, it was me.

"Please don't apologize to me. I don't deserve your apology. You have every right to treat me the way you did," I replied. "I'm the one who cheated on you. If anyone should be saying they're sorry, it's me."

Tre sighed and frowned at me. "What you did was wrong, but it doesn't mean that I should treat you the way that I did. I don't want to be angry with you anymore, I want to forgive you."

"What about Billie Joe? Do you want to forgive him?" Maybe it was the wrong time to mention this, but I knew it had to hurt both of them to lose such a close friendship. Billie Joe had done a damn good job of hiding it from me, though.

"I'm not here to talk about him," Tre replied. I was taken aback by how cold he sounded. I understood him feeling resentment towards Bille Joe, but this was more than that. He sounded like he wanted absolutely nothing to do with him anymore. Had something else happened that I was not aware of?

"Can you please just tell me why you'll forgive me, but not him? We both betrayed you in the same way. You've known him far longer than you've known me, so why would you throw that friendship away for me? I'm not that-"

"Why did you do it?" Tre asked softly. I knew exactly what he meant by this, but I was not sure if I was ready to have this conversation with him. What could I say to him that would not cause him more pain?

"Because I love him," I whispered. "I wouldn't have hurt you like this if I didn't love him, Tre."

"Did you ever stop loving him?"

"I don't know." I felt terrible when I noticed the look on Tre's face. I just could not bring myself to lie to him anymore.

"Did you ever love me or were you just with me to hurt Billie Joe?" He looked and sounded so hurt, and my heart broke knowing that I was the cause of that.

"Of course I loved you, Tre. I wouldn't have dated you for so long if I didn't. I hate myself for doing this to you, but I can't help who I have feelings for," I explained.

"I understand all of that," Tre replied. I was surprised to hear this from him. I knew I would not be half as understanding if the roles were reversed. "I know you didn't intend to hurt me like this. I'm more hurt that Billie Joe betrayed me. He knew how much I love you but he just couldn't let you go, could he?"

"I don't think he wanted to hurt you either," I said softly. "It had to hurt him to see us together too, you know."

"That's different, Audrey. You weren't together when we started dating. We didn't go behind his back," Tre replied, irritated by what I had said.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. All I meant was it had to hurt Billie Joe to see me dating you because you two are so close and obviously he still had feelings for me after we broke up."

Tre sighed and nodded. "I get what you're saying now. I think I just need more time to forgive him. I know the blame is equal, but I'm pretty fucking sure he was the one who made the first move."

"I'm so sorry that I did this to you, Tre. I never wanted any of this to happen. I didn't want you to lose one of your best friends. I just…I'm sorry," I whispered. Tre smiled softly and put his hand on my knee. "It's okay, Audrey. I know you didn't want or mean for any of this to happen. I just want to see you happy, even if it's not with me. Just try to forgive yourself, okay?"

"I'll work on that," I responded with a small smile. "What are you going to do if the baby is yours?" I hoped this would not lead to an argument between us because I did not want to argue with him. I finally felt as though I had some closure to my relationship with Tre despite what could happen in the future, and I did not want to jeopardize that.

"I'll do whatever you want me to do. If you want me to be there, I will be. If you don't want me to be involved, I'll leave you alone." There was a hint of sadness in his voice when he said the last part.

"Well, of course I would want you to be involved. I could never ask you to give up your child, Tre," I reassured him.

He smiled at me and kissed my forehead. "I'm so glad we had this conversation today. I want you to know that I'll always be here for you if you need a friend. I don't want you to feel like you can't come to because of our past. I'd rather have you as a friend than not at all."

"The same goes for you," I said with a smile. Tre stood up and opened his mouth to say goodbye, I assumed, but I cut him off before he could say anything. "Just one more thing. Please try to forgive Billie Joe. I understand why it's harder for you to forgive him, but deep down you have to know he didn't mean to hurt you either. if you won't do it for him or yourself, do it for me."

"I'll try, Audrey. I can't promise you anything right now, but I'll try."

"Thank you," I said as I stood up and kissed his cheek.

"I'll see you around," Tre responded softly. I watched as he left and I felt a sense of relief come over me. I was glad to have things end on a more positive note between us. While I still felt I was undeserving of his forgiveness, I was glad he gave it to me. I did not want there to be any animosity between us, although I knew that things could never really be the same between us. Of course I was still nervous about what could happen in the future, but I was trying not to think about that right now.

Eventually, I decided that I still wanted to distract myself from thinking about this stuff for a while, so I retuned to the cleaning supplies that I had forgotten about when Tre came over. I was in the middle of dusting a shelf when I felt a pair of arms around my waist. I jumped slightly and turned around to see Billie Joe smiling at me. He kissed me on the cheek and I smiled at him. Apparently I had picked a pretty good distraction for myself because I had not even heard him come in the house.

"I didn't hear you come in," I said with a laugh.

"I noticed," Billie Joe said with a smile.

"So, what did you do today?"

"I went to see Tre," he responded.

I felt my heart skip a beat, and I struggled not to show any real reaction. Why was Billie Joe lying to me? It had been a while since Tre left, but it had not been that long. Tre probably would have mentioned seeing Billie Joe if he had seen him before he came here. Knowing that he had been lying to me about what was going on with the band made me wonder if he had been lying about anything else.

"Can we talk about it later? I just remembered that I need to go to the store for something." I tried to keep my voice as calm and even as possible.

"Sure." He kissed me on my cheek and I forced a smile on my face. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I responded as I walked out the door, unsure of where I was going or what I was going to do next.