Shadows

It is a chain reaction that Alex laughs and I smile.
It is a chain reaction that Alex asks and I answer.
It is a chain reaction that doesn’t answer and I pretend I didn’t ask.

“What’s your favorite thing about the sun?” Alex asks, drawing his inspiration for this question from my previous answer.

My favorite ting about the sun is the light.
My favorite thing about the sun is the warmth.
My favorite thing about the sun is the cheerfulness.
My favorite thing about the sun is the tan is cats over his skin.
My favorite thing about the sun is the way it makes his blonde hair blonder.
My favorite thing about the sun is the way it turns his eyes into chocolate diamonds.

‘Everything.’ I write, then close my eyes and savor the sun against my skin while I sat on the floor with Alex.

“If you had to pick one thing.”

‘Shadows.’ I write down the absolute best thing about the sun in my personal opinion.

“Shadows?” Alex asks, confusion smothering the laugh that normally accompanies his questioning of my answers.

I nod my head.

“I don’t understand.” He admits, keeping his eyes locked outside the glass of the sunroom.

‘I can relate to shadows. I understand how they feel.’

“Shadows don’t feel anything…they’re shadows.”

I shake my head from sided to side, annoyed that he doesn’t understand.
‘Shadows are your dreams trapped watching what they’re never going to be or do. I know how they feel. My entire existence is a shadow.’

Alex is silent while he lets that bit of my personality sink in. “Carson?” Alex asks, breaking the silence that hangs between us. I turn my head to look at him. “What does your shadow want to be?”

‘Alive.’ I scribble down, not needing a minute to think about my answer.

His brown eyes are shinning.
His blonde hair is blonder.
His tans skin is glowing.

We settled into the silence once again.
We settled into the routine once again.

‘What would your shadow be?’

Alex pretends not to have read my questions.
Alex pretends to have not even have asked me that question.
Alex ignores me and asks me a new question.

“Why don’t you learn sign language instead of writing shit down all the time?” Alex’s voice returns to it’s normal harsh and prodding tone.

‘I’m going to be able to talk again some day.’

“That’s not what everyone else says.”

I frown, standing and making my way out of the sunroom, getting away from Alex.

Everyone thinks I’m destined to live in silence forever.
Even I know that I’m destined to live in silence forever.
I like to hope that I’ll be normal someday.

Until then, I am abnormal.
Until then, I am Carson.