Shadows

I stand.
I stand with my arms crossed.
I stand with my arms crossed, glaring at Alex.

Alex stands.
Alex stands holding the door open to his monstrous SUV.
Alex stands holding the door open to his monstrous SUV, staring from behind sunglasses.

“Get in the car, Carson.” His voice drips with annoyance.

It’s been an hour.
It’s been an hour of standing on my sidewalk.
It’s been an hour of standing on my sidewalk refusing to get in the pure white deathtrap.

I shake my head from side to side.
I shake my head from side to side, watching Alex get more irritated.

Alex sighs.
Alex sighs and he starts toward me.

I step back.
I step back, running toward the house.

His arm curls around my waist.
His arm curls around my waist and her hoists in over his shoulder

I kick.
I kick and punch.

Alex walks.

He sits me in the seat.
He sits me in the seat, having no problem fighting.
He sits me in the seat, having no problem fighting against my failing body.

Alex buckles me in.
Alex closes the door.

I pull at the handle.
I pull at the handle, ready to run.

The door is stuck.
The door is locked.

Alex grins at me.
Alex grins at me and walks around to the driver’s side.

I dig my finger nails into the leather.
I dig my finger nails into the leather as he starts the engine.
I dig my finger nails into the leather as he starts to drive.
I dig my finger nails into the leather as he fiddles with the radio.
I dig my finger nails into the leather as we speed out of my comfort zone.

I breathe in.
Not enough air.
I breathe in.
Not enough air.
I breathe in.
Not enough air.

“Breathe. Can you do that for me, please?”

I nod my head up and down.
I nod my head up and down, inhaling.
I nod my head up and down, inhaling as trees and houses go by as a blur.

&&

Alex opens my door.
Alex opens my door and drags me out his vehicle.

“Come on, it’s just a few of my friends.” Alex says, he takes my hand and pulls me toward the door of an unfamiliar house.

I don’t want to go in.
I don’t want to go in but Alex pulls me along side of him.

My hand in his.
His fingers tangled with mine.

Tyler pulls the door open.
Tyler pulls the door open and hugs me.
Tyler pulls the door open and hugs me, after meeting me once.

“Hey there, cutest couple on earth.” Tyler greets us.

We are a couple?
We are a couple, still?

How long has Alex been claiming I’m his girlfriend.
How long has Alex been claiming I’m his girlfriend and why?

“Hey, Ty.” Alex replies. “Where’s the-“

“ALEX!”

A girl.
A girl with blonde hair clings to him.

“Shay, this is Carson.” Alex gestures to me.

“Oh.” She says, her eyes run up and down my body. “I have something I need to tell you, in private.”

She pulls Alex away.
She pulls Alex away, his hand from mine.

I stand alone.
I stand alone, surrounded by teenagers who don’t acknowledge my existence.
I stand alone.
I stand alone, surrounded by teenagers who don’t acknowledge my existence for an hour.

Finally, I realize.
Finally, I realize that Alex is not coming back.
Finally, I realize that Alex is not coming back for me.

I walk, terrified by every sound and every stranger I pass.
I walk out the door, terrified by every sound and every stranger I pass.
I walk for blocks, terrified by every sound and every stranger I pass.
I walk home, terrified by every sound and every stranger I pass.

I am Carson McCoy.
I am utterly alone.